death of a parent..please help?

Question

i lost my father 5 years ago it will be 6 years on march 10th...well I have a 1 year old baby boy and lately i have been really depressed that my child will never know his grampa sometimes i wish i never had him because of this reason...is it wrong to feel this way?. I do love my son. i have had help before over my fathers death and i was on prozacts but i stopped taking them cause my doctor passed away and i don't have a therapist anymore. Should i take my son to his grave site??...it is rite to be sad after all these years? I guess it's so hard for me cause he died in the house we were living in, in front of my sister, mom and I...my mom is still there but i had to move in with my other sister cause i couldn't stand being there and i hardly go back and visit, my mom visits me. I loved my father very much and i know he would of murdered me if he was alive and found out i had a baby at 18 and is living with the father...he was protective

Sorry so many questions and being so long

Answer 1

If it's right for you, it's right, for you. If you still feel sad, you are entitled to your feelings. You can't really change them, just learn to cope with them.
You may be feeling a bit of guilt because you know your dad would have been disappointed that you had a baby so young. But after his initial shock, he would have loved you and cared about you like always. And he would have ADORED that baby.

Your dad was protective because he wanted you to have a happy life. So even though you experience sadness, it's ok to be happy too. It what most parents would want for their kids!

I wonder if you don't have a little post-partum depression, along with some depression about your dad. That could cause you to sometimes feel you wish you hadn't had your baby. I think you should talk to your doctor, or even your gyn, and see if they can offer you some advice. You may need to be on anti-depressants again. Some people have a physical need for them, to balance out their body/brain chemistries. There's no shame in finding out that you need them and in taking them.

I think you should take your baby to the gravesite if you want to. Cemeteries are peaceful and some are very beautiful. A friend of mine took me to his father's gravesite to "meet" his dad, who I never knew. It helped him feel less sad. You should do what YOU need and want to do.

Answer 2

It's not wrong to still be sad after all this time. My own father passed away a few years ago in the house I grew up in and I am often reminded of him all the time. I see him in everything and there are a lot of time I wish he was around so I could share things with him

You really need to find someone to talk to about this. I would never say it is a bad thing to think it would have been better to not to had you son because he will know his grand father. Of course he will know is grand father. He will know him through you. I tell my grand son that will never meet my parents all the time that they would have loved him more then the sun. I have his picture in the living room and I show it to him. He's only 1 but he will grow up knowing the love that is all around him from the family that is no longer here.

Try and think of it this way. God has send you some one that in a little way will help replace your father a little, Your son..

Answer 3

You have right to feel what you are feeling. I as well have lost my father, it will be two years in September. I have two kids, one is ten and my youngest will be two on Sunday. So I know where you are coming from. Your son will know his grandfather through you. Your memories keeps him around you and your son. As I said your memories will let your son know his grandfather. My oldest son goes with sometimes to my fathers grave site, but not my youngest. Sometimes I go by myself. My youngest doestn't go with me because he is still to young to know any different, he just think he could just go running around, and I don't want that. You have every right to be sad about your fathers passing. I am 29 years old, and I was still a daddys girl. It is completely understandable for not wanting to go into your parents house. Until you overcome your grieving, it may best that you don't go to the house. It takes time, some people take longer than others. Me personally, I may never get over my fathers death. I hope I have helped you. Be sure and tell your son about his grandpa every chance you get. Even thought he is only one and doesn't understand, tell him any way and show him pictures of him so he comes to recognize his grandpa, thats what I did with my youngest, and he now knows what his grandpa looks like. Again, I hope I have helped you.

Answer 4

I lost my father 25 years ago and the other day I looked at my 8 year old grandson and told him how much his great-grandfather would have loved to have known him. My eyes teared up and I truly wished with all my heart that he could seen my grandson now as the boy looks just like him and my dad always wanted a son. Its normal to feel sad sometimes at what has happened in life, but we are alive and you have a baby to watch grow. If your dad loved you as much as you say then he only would have wanted your happiness, and too much sadness would have made him unhappy for you. Life is for the living so visit your mom, she needs you and you child too to remind her of that.
If you are doing something your know your dad wouldn't approve of, see what you can do to make that better and some of your sadness might ease away.

Answer 5

You are not the only one with this kind of problem and somehow they have survived. My 2 nephews had their grandfather die right in their house. They found him dead on the couch where he had fallen asleep and had a heart attack during the night. Within a year their own father was diagnosed with liver cancer and died a horrible death, wasting away right before their eyes. They got over it - with time. Do they miss him? Sure. But they have their own lives to live out. That doesn't stop them from having fun. If I were you, I would concentrate on making my child happy and seeing to it that he has a good life. It looks to me that your son is a constant reminder of your dad because his very presence is a reminder that your father would not have been happy about you getting pregnant. Is that your son's fault? I think not. Quit moping and start doing right by your kid.

Answer 6

You need to find another doc. You may be suffering from postpartum depression and need prozac again. There is more to life than knowing your grandfather. You have a HUGE job of raising this child the correct way so that he can grow up to be a good, strong man. I lost my mother as a teenager. I know how hard it can be. It is time for you to move on now and live your life of you and your child, not how you think you father might have wanted you to live. Later in your son's life, he will be curious about his grandfather and you can tell him about him. To take your son to his grave now would only be confusing because you will be upset and he will not understand why. Try to think about positive happy things and focus on the future. Please, seek a physican's advice, if not for you, for your son.

Answer 7

Very sorry for your loss. I see no reason not to take your son to see where your father was buried. however, wait a while so he is old enough to understand what happens when people die.
I think that you could also be obsessing. You may want to seek out another therapist. Just for your own well-being.
It is horrifying to see a loved one die in front of you. Especially when you were around 13. That is such a bad age for that to happen. I can't imagine that happening. No wonder you miss him.
But, my father has been gone for a number of years now and I still miss him. I remember so many things about him, yet so few things. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

You have right to feel this way, but you should try to move on. Maybe a counselor or something would help you best move on. As for not having a kid because your father is dead is ridicoulous. I didn't know any of my grandfathers. I guess I would have like to, but no more than I would like to meet a famous celebrity or something. You can't miss what you have never met. Not knowing your father is big deal, but not ever knowing your grandfather is no big deal.

Bottom line is you should get some therapy to resolve the issue of your fathers death. Its not all about medicine either. You need to discuss your problems and continuing grief because of your fathers death with a professional.

Answer 9

I am a mother of a girl your age so believe me when I tell you ,your dad would have liked you to have waited to have the baby ,that's normal BUT he would have loved that little boy ,his grandson would be very precious to him .Remember that ! He would be looking down on that baby and say to you ,Love him for me ...I worry that you may be a little depressed so see a doctor about that but take the baby to the grave if it will help you ,talk to your dad .It is also normal to think of lost loved ones after having a baby ,new life makes you think of the ones who you would like to have around .Good luck to you and your dear baby.

Answer 10

First of all if you really love your son, then you shouldn't wish you never had him. cause yes it is wrong. I was 3 or 4 when my grandpa died, so I never got to know him, but my dad tells me great stories about him. That's what you should do as he gets older. And don't worry, your dad would probably be happy for you, and don't think he would of killed you. that was probably just his way of keeping you from having a kid at this age.