we just became engaged 4 mons ago.about 2 weeks after tom asked me to help pay off his debt.this dept is not from a medical emergency but from guilt.he cheated and left his wife and child for a old gf(not me)and when he did he gave his wife everything(bank accounts,stocks,car,house,ect)which along with a huge child support payment left him in debt.i know this sounds mean but i have worked hard for what i have and feel i should not have to pay for his "mistakes".i know he thinks i'm selfish for not helping him but i feel he made these decisions that put him in debt.plus after 6yrs he still feels guilty for what he did(rightfully so) and his exwife uses that guilt to get what she wants.so if i pay off his debt i feel that will just free up more extra money he can give her.he already pays her child support/health/daycare cost.
2007-01-12 14:34:34 · 17 answers · asked by gigi2winters7 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Think about what you asked again and then I bet you can answer your own question.Also..keep in mind that what he has done to women in his past..he will surely do to you.Count your losses and walk away now.
[of course you >shouldn't< have paid his debt.]
2007-01-12 14:38:46 · answer #1 · answered by Kitty? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From a old lady that went thru this same mess for 27ys-it never goes away! When the ex quits then the kids start and nothing is worse than hearing a 23yr old girl saying you owe me this 30k wedding! But I loved my late husband with all my heart he was my soul mate - so I put up with it. If I was you I would not give him a penny and if you do marry Keep you own identity - aka your ck'ing acct, cc's etc. in your name (it saved me-only because she kept suing for more money and she could not touch anything in my name and she tried because I had a trust fund-I learned the hard way) You are not selfish because if he walks away because you did not give him your money - then you know what he was after. But if he takes care of it himself - then you can be proud of him! Wow, I didn't mean to go on and on, but I just wish that I had someone to tell me the in and outs when I was young! Good Luck! and if you need more details just ask.
2007-01-12 16:39:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are asking the question tells me your gut says it's wrong. Nevrer pay off someone else's debt. It's called responsibiliy. He needs to find some before you take care of it all. Plus you clear up all his debt and get married guess who will paying all the new debt her husband racks up? You the the wife, Not having financial freedom will create fustration and adventually resentment. I say don't pay the debt and based on his record just be a girlfriend and not the second ex wife who can't get a loan, a credit card cuz her ex husband fooled her.
Plus he feels guilty, the ex feel guilty...why in the heck would you feel guilty? You didn't spill the milk...so don't clean it up. If he can't handle that..honey, love yourself more than you think you love him and scram!!!
2007-01-12 15:14:19 · answer #3 · answered by Mary T 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The debt is his responsibility. He will respect you more if he is the one that has to work his butt off to get out of debt. Save your money wisely as you have. If you marry this guy, you may need money if he continues to act irresponsibly. I do hope he is responsible with his money now and also is a responsible loving father. Just remember that what he has done to his previous family, he might do to you. If you marry this man, and you want children with him...be very observant to how much he cares for his child that he already has. Not just money...but his time, love, energies and affection. Good luck to you. Stick to your guns. You were not wrong.
2007-01-12 14:42:38 · answer #4 · answered by rcpaden 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you at the instant are not being egocentric in any respect yet being extremely sensible. What happens if Tom discovers a sparkling love and dumps you leaving you in huge debt. you will desire to shield your self and the certainty which you have money placed aside attests to the certainty which you have been careful which includes your money in comparison to him. he's in all danger envious of the certainty which you have some secure practices and needs to be in a greater advantageous financial place than he's. in case you do lend him this money I are waiting for which you would be writing to solutions in six months upset at what a fool you were. merely remember how undesirable it exchange into lending money to others interior the previous and how frightening it exchange into while they did not pay you returned. The worst component to stepping into this occasion is that it reasons to lots heartache. merely tell him your financial adviser informed you it is exchange into not a available plan and bypass away it at that. If he relatively cares approximately you he won't convey this up returned. sturdy success.
2016-10-19 22:04:19 · answer #5 · answered by janovich 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aaaaccckkkkk! Run, Missy, run! Seriously. This guy will always be "down under", whether it is financially, emotionally, whatever. He puts himself there, don't you see that? He did it with his ex, now he wants the same from you. Do NOT give this man anything but the engagement ring back. He has issues that you cannot fix.
2007-01-12 14:45:16 · answer #6 · answered by mickeyg1958 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy is immature and an idiot. I don't know why you're even CONSIDERING marrying him!!! You don't have an obligation to pay down any of his debt, but you might if you marry him. If he still feels guilty for cheating on his ex-wife, then he still has feelings for her. The guy is scum. Dump him and run... fast!
2007-01-12 14:40:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well once you become married if you share bank accounts and finances his debt may become your debt. This is something you need to discuss before getting married. I wouldn't pay a penny towards it.
2007-01-12 14:48:04 · answer #8 · answered by justjen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
offer to pay a little bit of the debt so your guilt won't come back and you still have some money left for yourself.
2007-01-12 14:47:07 · answer #9 · answered by punk_sp_chick 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He caused this problem, he should have to pay for it himself. If he thinks your being selfish just tell him your sorry but you can't be held responsible for what he did in the past.
2007-01-12 14:46:36 · answer #10 · answered by jus meeee :) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋