I have a 4 year old who is constantly not minding. I have tried everything what should I do?

Question

The child is told not to do something and 20 mins later he is doing exactly what we told him not to do. We have spanked him, Time-Outs, Nose in Corner.... nothing seems to work I am at my wits end. Please someone help me.

Answer 1

You MUST go out and buy the book 1,2,3, Magic and do exactly as it tells you. Easy to read, easy to use and I swear it works. Our 4 year old was out of control, I thought we were headed for a lifetime and shrinks and anti-depressants (for me, more than her). It will amaze you! It was recommended to me by a friend who works with out of control clients. I highly recommend it, keep heart, they can outgrow it and this book will help right away.

Answer 2

My son was like that. By the 1st grade he was diagnosed with ADD. He's 21 now and he has turned into a wonderful young man, so don't despair. Time out never worked for him either. Oh, those were the years!

Okay, have you tried poker chips? I used to reward my son with different colored poker chips for good behavior. Then when he collected a certain number, he could cash them in for special things, like a small toy or a special outing. It's worth a try. Have him make a special box to collect them in.

Avoid taking him into stores with bright lights, like the grocery store or Walmart when he is tired. Sometimes the light in the stores overstimulate the senses of a small child (especially one with ADD) and it just sets them off to misbehave.

Don't fight it 100% of the time. Find ways to encourage him. Kids like him hear "No, no, no" or "Stop, stop, stop" or "Quit doing that" over and over and over again. Find something to praise him for and maybe it will encourage good behavior. Does he just want attention? Some kids will do anything for attention, even if it is the bad kind of attention that warrants punishment.

Also, effective discipline happens by way of consistency and making sure his day is very structured.

You may want to check on some information on ADD. It wouldn't hurt, and even if he isn't ADD, the resources you will find will help you with discipline.

Good luck. They grow up so fast. When he's 20, you'll look back and laugh about this.

Answer 3

Obviously spanking hasn't work. A 4 year old doesn't THINK like an adult. The only time span they know is NOW. What happened 20 minutes ago is lost forever. Time outs usually work IF the parent is CONSISTENT. But probably like in your case because they didn't work the first few times you resorted to something else...hitting, which didn't work of course so you resorted to something else. A discipline plan can't work if YOU'RE not willing to MAKE it work.

Answer 4

You need a more comprehensive set of rewards and consequences. Yes you are providing consequences, but during those 20 glorious minutes of him following your directions you need to reward with verbal praise and attention. Sometimes negative attention is the only attention we give. The child doesn't know the difference between negative and positive attention and simply wants some sort of attention. I taught 4 year olds for 5 years and I have now taught 1st grade for 6 years. I realized many times the only extra attention I gave was when I corrected bad behavior. I am now on the Positive Behavior Support team for my school and I have learned that by simply catching good behavior, children are likely to repeat it. It really works.

Answer 5

Be consistent. If you say no and 20 mins. later he's doing exactly that, you say no again. Also, set clear consequences and follow through. I have 5 kids and I swear by consistency and consequences. Good Luck. Keep in mind that he is only four. He'll probably start listening better in about a year!lol

Answer 6

I have the same problem only mine is a little girl!! i finally found that applying several different combo's of punishments worked.

first a time-out, second a spanking, third bed. the Bed is one that works wonders. it seems old fashioned but when a child has to go to bed and they are placed in a room with no toys or items of interest it does create a change.

mix them up and always use as much patience as possible.

Answer 7

remember he is a 4 year old boy too. Apparently (scientific study) that a boy needs to be told 10 times something before he remembers. Sadly you can't say it all at once lol. Keep up the consequences for his actions and it will sink in eventually

Answer 8

Well, you can limit sugar in the childs diet and increase the protein to get a child to pay better attention sometimes. We also have to remember that a 4 year old is not interested in self control until it is taught to him with a real perk for obedience - because they can see no benefit out of not touching this thing in front of them. I have better luck if I remove the temptation or move the child to a different room or get them engrossed in another activity.

The bottom line is that he still wants to do whatever he is told not to do, so with it still there he is drawn back to that behavior again and again. No amount of time out is going to teach him that she should not want to touch the shiny thing, you know? And the more we try to punish them to teach them that they are wrong for wanting to do something the more they will learn to spite us or lie to us in order to do what they want to do in the end.

Peace!

Answer 9

First of all, you need to use some positive language. You need fo rhim to know exactly what he SHOULD do. When you say don't do XYZ, all the kid hears is XYZ.
As adults, we manage to jinx ourselves by being so careful NOT to do ABC, that we end up accidentally doing ABC.
That's the way the brain works.
You have to teach positive visualization.
You've got to catch this kid doing the right thing, you've got to be more full of praise than shaming, you've got to be positive, period.

Answer 10

Honestly, let him do it. I told my step son hundreds of times not to jump on and off the bed, he kept doing it and yeah I tried everything. It wasn't untill he slipped off the bed and bit a nice gash into his tongue that he finally stopped. You have to remember we as children and human beings want to "learn through experience". I mean If I had a dollor for everytime my mom sad "don't to that cause this will happen" and I did it anyway. it's just our way of learning.