My husband believes in spanking...?

Question

my 2 1/2 year old son. And I don't. He keeps saying that if we don't spank him he will walk all over us. I just think that hitting results in hitting. Plus when he spanks my son my son comes and hits me for it, because he is mad that I am allowing daddy to spank him I guess. What should I do about this? Do you think that my husband is wrong? I don't say anything in front of my son when he gets spanked by his Dad (like don't do that or how could you so my son is not hearing things like that) Any opinions and help would be appreciated. Thanks.

Answer 1

There is a time to spank a child and a time to discipline differently depending on what the child has done.
You need to stand with your husband on his decision to spank your child because your child senses that you do not agree and will use it against you later on in life.
Your son should not be hitting his mother. This is plain wrong! You need to discipline your son when he hits you or else you will be having all kinds of problems with him when he gets older.

Answer 2

Just so y'all know spare the rod spoil the child is NOT in the Bible...I've done an extensive study, but if you are able to give me an exact location I'll of course have to eat my words.

Pro 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son but he that loveth him chasteneth him quickly. King James Version
Pro 13:24 If you don't punish your children, you don't love them. If you do love them, you will correct them. Good News Bible.
So essentially it says that IF you SPARE the rod you SPOIL the child. What translation are you using that says to spare the rod, and spoil the child?

But any how, I totally used to believe in spanking...that is until I had my own child and the first time my husband smacked him the look of utter degradation on his face was enough to cure me. The funny thing is I have never laid a hand on my son and he listens to me far better than his father. I really try to nip the behavior in the bud well be for it escalates into a spanking offense.
Not to mention spanking teaches your child that hitting is an okay way to deal with anger and frustration. Don't believe me, try spanking your child when you are not angry. Walk away from the offense after a simple explanation of why it was wrong and removing the child from the situation. Go back after you've calmed down and try to dole out the punishment...you'll find it's much easier to assign a discipline that fits the crime.
P.S. It is WONDERFUL that you choose not to address this issue in front of your child, otherwise you will undermind the authority of the other parent, but DO address it with your husband when tempers have cooled and use "I feel" statements in place of "You" statements. Remember your a team go in with a gameplan. If your husband still feels spanking is best, come up with an idea of when it is appropriate. We don't as adults get punished the same way for blowing a stop sight as we do for assulting a person, neither should our children be punished the same way for a minor infraction or a major one.

Answer 3

I am having the exact same problem in my house, only my kids are 4 and 16 months. I agree its not a good idea to argue about it infront of him. But what I have been doing is trying to gather some information from the internet and other places, library, where ever I can get some info, and making him read it. I think that might help, if he's willing to read why its wrong and give him something to back you up on it. Plus, I've seen kids the same age as my kids that are spanked all the time, and they are behaved the same way as mine, so it really doesnt matter whether or not you spank they are kids, and they are curious and going to do "bad" things. I also am trying to explain to my husband, that he's going to have to deal with the kids resenting him in the future, they will remember that mommy never spanked, but daddy did, and they will likely trust you better, I hope that I've given you some useful information. I would try backing up your reasoning if you can. Good Luck! I just want to add that I find diversion works great! taking the child away from whatever it is and giving him something that he IS allowed to play with..

Answer 4

I also don't believe in spanking- that much. I used to spank my son for moderate offenses ie hitting others, bad language, blanantly not listening. Then I found that it was making him aggressive. So I stopped and he got less aggressive. It's true that violence begets violence. But, I did continue to spank for major offenses. Like, running into traffic, opening the car door on a major highway. He's 10 now and more or less well behaved.

I think the problem here is not spanking, it's that you and your husband have differing views on parenting. Is it just this one thing or is this problem coming up a lot? Maybe you and he need to sit down and establish some basic rules and consequences together. Because you need to be able to back up his discipline and feel good about it and vice versa. As you know, it is very important to put up a united front. And if you don't agree, it will become increasingly difficult to do that.

Answer 5

it's OK to spank your son. i have a 2 1/2 year old also and we spank him. people have been spanking children for thousands of years, it's the ones that don't get spanked that usually cause problems. If you continue to let your son hit you he will grow up thinking it's OK to hit mom. spanking on the bottom is different from hitting someone which is usually done to the face or body. also you must have some other form of punishment if you don't spank and you need to enforce it when he comes and hits you if you are not going to spank. when you do spank him (if you decide to) you need to go to him after he has calmed down and kiss him and hug him and tell him you love him, don't tell him he was bad, cause he's not, so try to avoid the word bad cause it was his actions that got him spanked, it's kind of hard for a toddler to understand that but he will.
it's kind of weird but love and discipline go hand in hand for a well balanced child. you are doing the right thing by not contradicting your husband when he does spank, you must present a united front so to speak. cause you are at war kinda with the desire to be a uncivilized little heathen. *grin*

And the spare the rod thing is in the bible, it's in proverbs, chap 13 verse 24

Answer 6

I think smacking is terrible, especcially on a regular basis. Children, especcially if spanking is done all the time will associate the spank with the person rather than the behaviour. There are other punishing methods such as time out, not reveiving a toy or something they were looking forward to. An example of how effective time out is sometimes is if a child refuses to tidy up their blocks they go into time out and say "I want you to think about why you are in time out" then come back and ask would you like to tidy up your blocks now? or would you rather stay in time out for another five minutes? they will usually choose tidying up the blocks!

The best way is to use positive language and reward systems for good behaviour. Smacking is also pointless in changing behaviour because the child usually doesn't get any kinda of explanation for instance if you son threw a toy at someone and you just smacked him for it he won't learn why it is bad, it needs to be explained that throwing things at people can hurt and that there can be concequences for it such as getting his action figure taken away from him for the day. Sometimes smacking can be essential for instance if your child is about to light a match or something that could harm him or someone else.

If you want to persuade your husband there are plenty of books about positive guidence for young children in libraries.

Answer 7

Well, it seems that daddy and toddler are in a power struggle, and daddy is bigger and stronger, so he wins. Time for dad to grow up and get smarter than the toddler, and learn that he is not modeling how to handle conflict in a mature and positive way. This will come back to haunt him, because if the boy does behave, he is doing it solely out of fear - not out of love or respect. Not the most healthy attitude to grow up with. Daddy can learn to be firm, and be the boss without being a bully. He can ignore poor behavior, such as tantrums, by walking away - the #1 way to "win" because the tantrum is for attention, and by walking away, the child automatically gets none. He can "be the boss" by being strong willed and not giving in to whining. Your child will walk all over you only if you allow it. Set clear rules and expectations and stick to them.

Answer 8

Your husband is in the wrong. Spanking might solve an immediate problem, but it is largely innefective in the long run and teaches children that it is okay to hit. Children learn by example!

Your husband might just think spanking is needed because he doesn't know of any other methods of discipline. You might consider doing some research and teaching him better ways. I'd suggest reading the book '1 2 3 Magic' by Thomas W. Phelan - your library might have it. The method he describes works really well with my preshcooler. Another book I hear great things about is called 'Love and Logic.'

Good luck.

Answer 9

I think there are some children that need spanked and some don't. I was one that did, my brother was not. I have a 2 year old girl who is very stubborn. I usually don't spank her. She has to do something really bad to het me to spank her. I do stand her in the corner, I do put pepper in her mouth, and I do throw toys in the trash. You need to pick your battles with these kids. My parents spanked me but they also hugged me, and made time for me and I think parents need to make sure that the kids are getting the attention they need. You can't sit in front of the Tv or Computer and bark orders at them, and expect them to just do what you want you need to spend time with them.

Answer 10

My husband spanks our 5 years old because that is the way he was raised. i was not spanked as a child and I don't do it. However, his way seems to work better and gets better results than anything I do. i do believe that the punishment should fit the crime and I go along with it, if I believe it is needed. We do not argue about it because it isn't worth arguing about. we both respect each other's parenting skills and do not argue about them.