My husband and I know his mother is dying of Alzheimers and we are both feeling out of control in this time of our lives. I need to be the strong person but I dont now how to prepare him for such difficult and painfull time. I need to start to tell him that her death is gonna happend no matter what but some how I cant help but break down. please help me to tell him and prepare him for her death,please help!
2007-01-12 12:45:05 · 6 answers · asked by kiki 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am so sorry to hear abt this. I went thru a very sad period of my life recently with the demise of my adopted father. He passed on last year succumbing to cancer. It was never easy for me nor my adopted mother. I guess everyone needs support. Your husband and even yourself. I needed that support too. I was blessed because my husband was so strong and help me along the way. I believe when you want to support others, you need to be strong yourself. That is the first step. I wasnt strong and I didnt offer that support for my adopted mother and I feel a little guilty for not being able to be with her most of the time because we are living in two separate continents. I guess the first step is to see things in a positive light. Honestly speaking nothing is positive when it comes to losing someone you love forever. But I had a strong religion background and I believe that God is more compassionate and that He loves my adopted father more that He wanted him by His side. On top of that, my adopted father is going to a faraway place where he will be happier, free of pain and suffering. That was far more impt. I was glad that my husband talked to me abt all these. He encouraged me to voice my fears and how lonely I will be after my adopted father has passed on. He gave me space to grief but at the same time tell me that life goes on. What is impt is to remember my adopted father his goodwill nature, his love and care and that was how we all keep him "alive" in our hearts and our minds. It was not easy initially but it works...gradually. I learned to cherish my time that I spent with my adopted father. Before his passing on, I wrote everyday to him to ensure that I can capture all those impt moments and to read his advice and words whenever things get really tough for me coz he has always been the most impt pillar in my life. Get strong because you need to be strong for your husband. To do that you can have your friends to be your support group. Be with your husband when he needs you at the same time give him space to voice his thoughts. I always remember that my husband always gives me hugs whenever I really need someone. Just that warmth minus words is so comforting for me. Whenever I feel so frustrated and depressed, he is there to give me a word or two to snap me to come back to reality. I guess my husband is good to read my moods, when I need to be snapped, he knows when to do it or when I need that special attention, he gave me. I guess at the end of the day, it is to slowly bring him to the hard truth. But work on you too. You just need to be STRONG before you can support him. My prayers go to all of you.
2007-01-12 13:09:10 · answer #1 · answered by Mohammad D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to tell him her death is gonna happen because he already knows that. Just be there for him, listen and console him when he is feeling down. My mother died of Alzheimer's also and my husband did exactly that. That is what I needed, just someone to lean on and let me be. If I cried he was there and if I wanted to talk he was there too. Sometimes I just needed to be alone. I don't believe you can ever really prepare for someones death. I know I thought I could but it is a deep sense of loss that you just can't imagine. Just be there in every way for your husband.
God Bless, Sunny
2007-01-12 21:00:39 · answer #2 · answered by sunnyca 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry sweetheart , but you can not prepare for some ones death . My mother also had Alzheimer's and it is a horrible disease . I don't know how long your mother-in-law has had it ,but my mother had it for about ten years. Nothing could have prepared me for her death. I lost her one year and 5 months ago then I lost my dad five months after that so I had a double whammy. I really feel for you and your husband. I will pray for you God bless you and keep you strong.
2007-01-12 21:25:39 · answer #3 · answered by lovely 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is support and empathise with him.
I remember in 1968, both of my grandfathers were dying (one in June and the other in August). Mum and Dad had to fly several times cross-country for each dad in a six-month span. It was hard for both, but they were there for each other.
All I can do is wish all of you the best, and hope you find peace.
2007-01-12 21:30:13 · answer #4 · answered by Mary W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I mentally prepared for my mothers death for the last year and half. When it happened in december didn't matter how prepared I was mentally. He knows it's inevitable. Just be there for him.
2007-01-12 20:53:13 · answer #5 · answered by clueless 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you've gotten it all wrong. You don't have to say or do anything, Just be there. Just listen when he needs to talk.
That's all. Let him express his fear and grief.
2007-01-12 20:56:31 · answer #6 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋