My son reccently let out the truth that he was abused since he was seven; I hit the roof and cussed him out, blew a gasket and told his father. Today he came home after one of his friends was looking for him. It was 9:00 and it is now 10:30. After much comforting, he is asleep, I apologized a milion times and said I believed him, but I still think he's mad at me. How do I make up lost time?
2007-01-12 12:42:50 · 9 answers · asked by Umm Me 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
He's 17 and was abused by his father since he was 7
2007-01-12 12:53:04 · update #1
You can't make up for lost time, you can only move forward from here. I'm sure you reacted that way because it totally blew you world apart and at the same time you found out you weren't there to protect your kid. Be honest with him and explain why you reacted the way you did. You do believe him and that now you both have to move on with or without abusive dad. Counseling is in order here. If you don't like the first counselor, you just keep on till you find the right one..but don't give up. You need to tell him that you are here for him now and you aren't going anywhere. You both have alot to work through. Don't forget that you both need to understand what makes his dad tick, why he is the way he is. That doesn't mean you have to accept what he has done or condone it, it just means that by understanding who he is and why he does what he does helps you both not to blame yourselves. It is very typical for the victims to blame themselves because they don't understand why they were abused. It is very likely that dad was abused himself as a child, but once he was an adult it was his responsibility to make sure he didn't continue the legacy. You will get through this. Get a counselor and stick together. Hopefully dad will get help also and not live in denial. Dad can go to jail for this. Take care and good luck!
2007-01-12 13:03:38 · answer #1 · answered by Sandy A, RN 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aren't you his father. I am confused with the question. You said your son let out the truth that he was abused. BY YOU? Then you were the one pissed and you cursed him out? He didn't come on time. A friend was looking for him. You comforted him and he is sleep. You apologized for abusing him or cursing at him? What lost time are you making up for if you were there abusing him?
What kind of abuse? Verbal? Physical? You curse him out then you hug console him?
You really need some family counseling. If you were upset he let out this family secret...get over and get help. He is hurting. You are reacting the only way you were taught. If you grew up like that then it is a cycle and you are doing it to him. If you want to break the cycle seek help. Your children's children, and their children are going to go thru the same vicious cycle if you don't stop it now. Please get some help. Learn how to love. You can not make up for lost time, but you can restore and fix things before time runs out. You can make a change for once in this lifetime. GOOD LUCK.
2007-01-13 21:32:11 · answer #2 · answered by Mother of Four and More 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Much info missing. Clearly your son needs validation. Coming forward with this information has been a shock to all of you and you will need to seek counseling immediately - individual and then perhaps family counseling when the time is right. Reflect on the positives right now. Your son was able to speak to you about this incredibly difficult subject. He came to you. He's alive. The second they come out of us we want to protect them from harms way. We can't change the past. We can only live in the present and be thankful we have it. Be there for him now. Be strong. Be his parent. Get him the help he needs and show him unwavering love and support. You will all get through it. You are not alone. The silence is broken.
2007-01-12 23:01:29 · answer #3 · answered by barnacleboy5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I need a little more info, who was he abused by?
ok, what did your husband say to this? Your children should come first, you gave birth to him, he looks to his parents for protection..I can understand your confusion , you need to talk to him tomorrow, just you and him. Then, you need to get some help. Abuse is a very serious issue. I'm sure he still is mad at you, you need to tell him that you didn't mean to overreact, it was just a shock to you. Reassure him that you believe him and that you will do all that it takes to make this abuse stop. You and your son should get out of that situation as fast as you can. If you can, go stay with a relative until you can get away from your husband permanently. Since you've already told your husband DO NOT leave your son alone with him, period.
2007-01-12 20:46:59 · answer #4 · answered by wendylotr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son told you he was abused and your reaction was.... curse him out?
I'm quite sure it took all he had and a very long time to get the guts to tell you something like that. You have a lot of making up to do. You need to listen to him and help him resolve the issues.
2007-01-12 20:51:31 · answer #5 · answered by ♥michele♥ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is NO WAY YOU or anyone else can make up for LOST time. ALL you can do is start fresh and take one day at a time.
2007-01-14 18:15:50 · answer #6 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is NO way to make up for lost time. Once it is gone it is gone. All you can do is make time for him NOW
2007-01-14 21:28:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You all need counseling ASAP.
I would be mad at my mom, too, if she didn't believe me on something soooo important.
This is HUGE and you needed to be there for him!!
2007-01-12 20:46:47 · answer #8 · answered by kabmiller@verizon.net 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take him to disney world.
2007-01-12 20:50:03 · answer #9 · answered by Apache Rose Peacock 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋