My Maid of Honor has been my best friend for 12 years, and she does not get along with my fiancee nor does she like him. It is a problem between the 2 of them and she is not willing to solve it. She really wants me to be with someone else and not go through with this wedding. My only conflict is whether I want to make her step down to be just a bridemaid or ask her not to be in my wedding at all, any suggestions? Only helpful advice please!
2007-01-12 11:51:44 · 14 answers · asked by Tiffany 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ok, first of all if she is your friend she needs to get over her high horse and realize that she is not the one marrying your fiance. Who cares if she wants you to be with someone else, it is your life! A true friend will be there to support you on your big day (I dont think that she will support you in any way). So, I suggest that you ask her to not be in your wedding at all because she isnt showing you that she is a true friend. Ask yourself this... What has she done to help you in planning for your Wedding? or, What has she done to prove to you that she is ok with you getting married? If you can not come up with any good answers then obviously she doesnt need to be in your wedding at all. She should realize that being in your wedding is a privilege, you asked her because she has been there for you in these past 12 yrs. But what about now?
2007-01-12 12:27:13 · answer #1 · answered by j_kuemmel02 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best friend (of 16 years) and fiance really don't like each other either. She is going to be my maid of honor. She is standing up because she backs up any decision I make (even if it turns out to be a bad one) and knows how happy he makes me. I would have a serious conversation with her explaining why you love this man and truely listen to what she has to say. I think asking her to step down or not stand up in the wedding would be insulting and could permanently damage your relationship with her. You don't throw away 12 years of a friendship over her position in your wedding. That is unless she isn't a true friend and would savatage your wedding.
2007-01-12 14:57:20 · answer #2 · answered by justjen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggests being honest and talking to her gently about this. Your friend has made it clear that she doesn't like your fiance but she obviously cares about you greatly. You need to respect her feelings while still ensuring that you have a wonderful day. Let your friend know that you are aware that she feels strongly about your fiance and ask her if she feels that she can be supportive of you in her role as a Maid of Honour. I have no doubt that she wants to be there for you to share your special day but perhaps she doesn't feel comfortable being part of the bridal party given her feelings and would prefer to be a guest. She is entitled to her own opinion about what she thinks of your partner, but as a friend she also needs to respect your opinion and feelings towards your fiance. Give her the choice of how she is going to react to these feelings and if she can't react in a positive way and be happy for you regardless of her opinion then it might not be appropriate for her to be in the wedding party. Find out if she is comfortable being part of the wedding party given her feelings. Make sure in the discussion that you be senistive and avoid blaming or pointing fingers. The discussion is around your friendship and what you both want and how you feel.
I hope this helps and that you have a wonderful days with no worries or stresses!
2007-01-12 12:06:57 · answer #3 · answered by milljanni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a chat with her and she decides, on her own, that she would prefer to step down, then that is OK.
But if you have already asked her to be your MOH, you cannot "de-mote" or fire her from the wedding party at this point-- that would be quite rude, and against etiquette.
Talk to her about if she can be supportive enough of your relationship to at least make it through the wedding process. see what she says.
She may be surprised to see, years from now, that you and groom are actually a very good match, even if she doesn't feel that way at this time.
10 years ago I had serious worries about the guy my best friend was marrying, and I was a really melancholy bridesmaid the whole time because I was so secretly disapproving (on the surface, I at least tried to act supportive) but they have surprised me-- relationships develop over time and people grow up.
2007-01-12 12:20:26 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you have a "gut feeling", then go with it. If not, why not put it on her? Ask her if she can be there for you and keep her feelings to herself. She needs to be positive in all ways and make no negative comments at all. If she do that, then you are happy that she agrees to be your Maid of Honor. If she cannot, then tell her that you hope she will at least be willing to attend with the other guests. After all, it sounds like she needs to start seeing and feeling the consequences of her actions.
2007-01-12 12:04:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When asking someone to be a member of your wedding, you are not just asking them to have a bachelorette party for you, and wear the pretty dress. You are asking her to be a witness, and supporter to your commitment with your future partner. If, for whatever reason, she can not support the wedding, you should not put her in the position of bearing witness to this event.
I would not ask her to be part of the wedding unless she supports you and is happy for you. Would you stand by and watch your best friend marry someone who you truly believed that eventually would hurt her?
2007-01-12 12:05:03 · answer #6 · answered by rik e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ask why she feels the way she feels. Does she have a good reason to feel that way. Maybe she knows something that you dont know and she is afraid to tell you because she knows how much you love this guy. Sit down with her and talk it out. Let her know that no matter what let her know that your friendship with her is not going to change. Talk things out and good luck. You have known your friend for 12 years. Im sure she justs wants the best for you.
2007-01-12 13:04:58 · answer #7 · answered by needanswers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All three of you should sit down and talk about what is going on and try to resolve it. I don't think you want to run the chance of throwing a 12 year friendship away. If all else fails, just tell them put their differences aside for one day.
2007-01-12 12:13:42 · answer #8 · answered by andy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry that you are having to deal with this drama...do you know exactly what the issue or issues are that she has with him? is there a solid reason for her problem with him or could it be more of a jelous issue since you are splitting time between the two?
if she truly is your bestfriend you are going to want her to be by your side on your big day, but it is hard when you know she does not share in your joy.
does your guy have issues with her??
i think i would attempt to get to the bottom of the problem one more time, if i could not relsove it or help her reslove it i would definatly consider asking her to be apart of your day but stepping down to be a bridesmaid and not your maid of honor.
2007-01-12 12:02:59 · answer #9 · answered by mlg 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't have her step down.She need's to put her issues with your fiance aside for your wedding.This is your day and if she cannot be happy for you then don't have her in the wedding party at all just have her attend as a guest.congratulations to you on your upcomming wedding.
2007-01-12 11:57:34 · answer #10 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋