What do you do when your parents hate your boyfriend?

Question

Really, my parents already know I have a boyfriend, but for no good reason, they just hate him. This is kind of causing a bit of trouble, I mean, even though we're still young, doesn't mean I'm not responsible right? So pretty much I can't talk about him with my parents without feeling like I some how shamed them, and that's kind of what my mom is implying, 'Date a guy as a teen, you will some how look bad and shame you parents' which I really don't get. It's easy to talk to my sister but we're usaully fighting, so not much help there. Any help please? I'm a good kid, I don't always do my homework but I can balance things out when I feel like it, but what can I do when my parents hate my boyfriend, and my sister and friends are the only people that likes him? What can I do, and no I refuse to talk to my parents! They'll just go on about the shaming thing. Help!

Answer 1

look at both sides to see where they are coming form

Answer 2

You say "No, I refuse to talk to my parents!" -- and if that's the case, there's nothing you can do, and you might as well stop reading. Seriously. Without communication, nothing can happen.

If you're willing to talk to them, here's what you do:

#1: without talking to your parents about it, sit down and take a good, hard look at your boyfriend. Write down his flaws, big and small. You can write down the good stuff, too. Now, try to picture your best friend dating a guy with those qualities (and flaws), and be honest with yourself about how you'd feel.

#2: now, go sit down with your parents and say "I know you don't like him, and I respect your opinions -- can you tell me what it is you don't like about him, and why?" Now LISTEN to them, and don't defend him, or dismiss them, even if something they say is really untrue or off-the-mark -- because you're trying to get their honest opinions.

#3: so now you've got your own opinions, and theirs. Compare the two, look for overlaps, and more importantly look for things they said that rang true, and weren't on your original list. Think about those things.

#4: once you've done all this, either you'll see that your parents have valid concerns that you should listen to, or you'll see that your parents are being unreasonable. You can't tell which, however, without going through this process. It will probably be a combination of the two. Now you've got enough information to make up your own mind.

Finally: don't tell your boyfriend you're doing this, don't show your parents your list, or tell them you have one, and remember that your parents love you and want what they think is best for you -- in other words, their hearts are in the right place. So keep that in mind.

Answer 3

People have the tendancy to become dependant on their significant other. Now if that significant other isn't supporting your growth, then they gotta go.

Your parents probably see him as a threat to your growth as a woman, and dont' want him around. What they need to do is see him diong what he does best, and that is putting you up on a pedistal, and letting you SHINE. If he does anything other than that, well then, they aren't going to see him in a good light.

I would suggest listening to yourself, and put him in situations that YOU know your parents would approve (i.e. studying, or whatever they want you to excel in). As long as they see someone supporting you in your growth into womanhood, I am sure they can only wish your the best.

This is just what I MIGHT try, and you do what is best for you and your relationships.

Answer 4

What you can do is show them that he is a nice guy. Invite him over dinner while your parent ARE around. You can also ask them what they hate about him so much. Try and compromise. If they don't like something about him you can't change, give it up. It's your life, not your parents. I think you should be able to decide who you like and who you don't. It's your judgment. Now, they do have somewhat control over the situation, so don't argue with them to much...
Good Luck and email me of the problem continues.

Answer 5

I would tell them you are upset and ask them why they don't like him. I would also try to understand why so many people don't like him and try to figure out if they have a legit reason for it, and maybe you'll find out that there is something bad about him that you are not seeing right now. Then again maybe not?
You should keep a level head and try to figure out why though.
If their reasons do not seem fair and reasonable, I would tell this to them in the nicest way possible, and maybe they will let you explain to them why you do like him and possibly then they will learn to like him too.
I hope this helps.

Answer 6

I have3 sisters and many nieces.It seems to me that all these women go down the same path.I think it must be the age.Once they find someone who is interested in them,they forget about the ones who loved them first.Love is great,and it makes us do foolish things.But the one foolish thing we should not do is blow off the ones who love us the most.You will have many loves,but only one family.

Answer 7

look ma i dont know how old u r but i was 13 n my ex was 18 wen we first hooked up . my mom , sister , .... every one in my family hated him ..... espechailly that i lost my virginity 2 him b4 we even hooked up ..... in my conditions i new y they hated him ..... he smoked we*d n sniffed cok * but i refused 2 let him go despite how bad they rejected him ! it came 2 da point that ma family saw it 4 them selves n rathered me b wit him up front den do it behind there bak ... im only 21 but my advise 2 u is if u care 4 him dunt give up despite wut circumstances may pop up ... remember that not everything in a relationship is based on good memories p.s i was with him 4 5 yrs n had a lil boy wit him wen i was 16 . a week b4 my 18th bday we broke up cuz i couldnt take all the cheatin n.e moe

Answer 8

been there.done that. most of the time, our parents sees things objectively. wen were in love we see everything in rose colored glasses. we fail to see the reality.

if they hate him for his physical appearance, financial status or anything superficial, don't give up.
but if they are seeing negative things after u being wid him, then say bu bye to him.

Answer 9

Have your parents even met him? If they haven't, then they can't honestly say they hate him. Try getting them together and see how it goes.

Best of luck!

Answer 10

you're going to have to talk to your parents about it eventually.
sounds like they have some issues, the shame thing is obviously their fears that you're going to have sex with.
alleviate that fear by committing to them that you're going to wait.
remind them that you're a good kid and make good designs.

good luck!

"if you want your daughter to marry a boy, tell her she can't date him" -credited to Shakespeare (bard)