As ive said before i have a 4 year old son who is VERY attached to Ashley, who is a girl ie been fooling around with for almost 5 months now. Three days ago her and I decided we should stop seeing each other and we talked to my son about how she wouldnt be around anymore because shes busy and were "breaking up". For the past 3 days he has done nothing but cry and scream and ask for her. I think hes depressed (if a child can be) but its not just him, Ashley who was just as attached to him has been very sad and depressed (said a mutual friend) I dont know if i should let her come around him or if i should just let it go and hope they both get over it. What do you think ?
by the way my sons mom left us a long time ago and he has called ashley mommy a few times, but quickly corrected himself.
2007-01-12 11:38:46 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You need to stop introducing your son to women in you life that are just there for sex, if they are not someone important in your life then no need to introduce them to him. Keep that life separate from your child.
2007-01-12 11:50:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Give him lots of love and extra attention. Explain that sometimes friendships/relationships change and end, but that you'll always be there with him because you're family. Since you don't want Ashley around, and it doesn't sound like you're exactly friends, I say don't bring her around him. I don't think it will make him feel better, and since you and Ashley don't have much of a relationship, what would be the point?
As a single parent myself, I think the best advice is to not be so quick to introduce your son to girls who mean nothing to you. Wait until you meet someone you're sure you want a long-term relationship with, and then let him form an attachment. He's too little to understand casual relationships, so don't expose him to them. Just my 2 cents.
2007-01-12 11:50:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you understand that right now, your son is feeling abandoned. He was abandoned by his mom, and when Ashley was around, he identified her as a mother figure. Her leaving him did the abandoning all over again.
You have yourself a very touchy situation. What I would recommend is what my sister did. She was a single mother with a three year old from a previous relationship. She never took a guy home to meet her son. The one guy the son met was the one that ended up asking my sister to marry her. She took her now-husband home to meet her son when they had been seeing one another seriously for nine months. She did this to prevent her son going through what your son is going through right now.
What I would do to aid your son in all of this is allow him and Ashley to see one another once a week. She is his friend, and she should be allowed to see him. It should be explained to your son that Ashley and daddy are no longer with one another, but she is your son's friend, and they can do something special, like friends would, such as go out for lunch, or go to the park, or something they would both enjoy doing with one another. This will give you some time to yourself, and it would allow your son to realize that just because Ashley and daddy aren't together any longer doesn't mean that she doesn't like him. I am sure he feels very bad, and feels like maybe it was something he did to drive Ashley away. You need to consider his feelings now, as well as your own, for someone.
Good luck with everything. . .
2007-01-12 11:50:17 · answer #3 · answered by volleyballchick (cowards block) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to your son. At his age relationships are very important, as is repetition. Just as he feels security in watching the same TV show and playing the same game and reading the same book everyday, he has also gotten security from seeing Ashley's face everyday. It must be hard for him to understand why he doesn't have a mom, and why Ashley left. It's not unusual for children to blame themselves for our decisions. I think it's obvious that he and Ashley developed a very strong bond. My question is 'Who would it hurt to let them continue being friends?' Maybe now you will be more discriminant about who you bring around your child.
2007-01-16 08:49:18 · answer #4 · answered by adondeesta1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm how about the next time you bring someone into your and your SONS life you consider what ashley taught you. Dont be a stupid male slut and bring people into your sons life through a revolving door. You actually let your son get attatched to someone you wanted just for sex???? Shame on you. DO you really have his best interest at heart? THink with your head next time because what you did knowingly was plain cruel and im seriously and honestly discusted.
2007-01-13 16:10:03 · answer #5 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all you should realize that it's not a good idea to be introducing fu** buddies to your kds it's not good for them.. At 4 they think they did something wrong and that's why she left. Cause now she didn't just leave you. It is going to take time for him to get over it just let him know why she left and that it's not his fault. He wants that mother figure in his life. Next time don't bring the girl by to meet your son if it's not going to be for the rest of your life. I was a single mom of two and I never let them know I was dating untill I knew it was a relationship now I'm married w/ 3 kids. Do what's best for your son and not what's easiest for you.
2007-01-13 03:34:11 · answer #6 · answered by momtothree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should be a father to your son instead of "fooling around" with girls you know you aren't serious about. Keep your dating life separate from your son until you are absolutely sure you have a foreseeable future with the person--then introduce them.
Young children do get attached very easily, but that does not mean that they get un-attached as easily. It hurts for kids to have someone whom they've grown very close to leave suddenly. Don't expose your child to taht kind of unnecessary pain.
2007-01-12 12:22:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should never ever introduce your child to a fuke buddy.
Only time to introduce him to a woman is when you have decided to marry.
Sleeping with a woman while your child is in the same house is just so wrong.Your son figures.. "Well Daddy likes her, I like her too.'He doesn't understand sex.
This child is in mourning.help him to accept his loss and move on. Let him take as much time as he needs.You need to spend a lot of time with him, just the two of you doing special things.Even just playing a board game, but spend that time together. Assure him that you will never leave him like your Gf just did.He is scared of abandonment.First his Mom, now this woman.
Perhaps go buy a parenting book or take a class.
2007-01-12 11:48:46 · answer #8 · answered by Cammie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's gonna take awhile to get over it, you should probably learn to keep girls away from your son until your serious with them, you're only going to continue to hurt him, he's gonna wonder why all the women he cares for keep leaving him. Do you have a sister or friend who could fill in, he's missing that woman's touch.
At this point it sounds like Ashely and yourself aren't seeing eye so I would jsut let him miss her until he gets over it. You need to talk to him and let him know you will always be there, and who else he can count on to always be there- gramma maybe?
2007-01-12 11:53:29 · answer #9 · answered by Katie L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am wondering y u would let your child get attached to a girl u feel like that about in the first place. u should only be introducing your child to people that you are serious about...this will spare him going through a break up that was always going to happen.... his mother left him.. now this girl has left him... how many other people are you going to let leave this poor kid before u get a clue???
2007-01-12 11:52:14 · answer #10 · answered by sway137 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are cruel for having let your son have contact with this woman and letting him get attached to her knowing that there is no future. If your gonna fool around then fine but how dare you drag your son into it.
2007-01-12 13:23:13 · answer #11 · answered by nobody 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋