I really need help with this poem.?

Question

ok well i'm trying to write my first poem but nobody will help me so far i got,

remember when promised me
that you would be here for me
every tear drop every blood drop


and i need help with rymes

***ummm yea this is an emo poem, and its about hate and lying, so yea just so ya know*

Answer 1

No offense, but the word blood is a buzz kill in that poem.

Sample 4th lines...
And yet you chose to leave (false rhyme with "me")

And still I didn't see
and,
Back then I still believed

Answer 2

Remember when you promised me, that you would be here for me, always and forever, my rock, my better half, my love.
You swore you would be true to me, no other could take your place, until your dying day, my sweet, my everything, my love.
now you have left and gone away, my tears they fall like rain, always and forever, my dear, I will miss you, my love.
You don't have the rhyme things, count the beats in each phrase, and match them in each paragraph.
Re mem ber when you pro mised me, that you would be here for me, un til your dy ing day, my every thing, al ways and for ev er,
8, 7, 5, 2, 4, 2.
Hey you were doing great, not everyone is a poet. I just didn't like the blood part, a little too scary for me. Congrats on your first poem.
Keep practicing, maybe you might attract the next love with some poetry.
Hey, use these ideas, but try to make the words your own, it isn't poetry unless you write it yourself, if you use our words, it's just words.

Answer 3

it is good but.... u used the word drop to close together take this from a poet and author. try
that you would be there for me
every tear shed every drop of blood that fell
into our mercy
save them from the hate in the world
you have changed
where are you now
hatred overcame you
love no more
only in the distance
do you rememberdo you remember when you promised




good luck and i hope i helped!! and poems don't always have 2 u rhyme just have to put feeling into it and let it have a purpose.

Answer 4

If I tell you what to say next, then it will be MY poem, not yours.

that's what poetry is all about. If you leave out YOUR feelings, YOUR emotions, YOUR thoughts, and put someone else's in, then it's really defeating the purpose.

Maybe you should try writing about WHY you label yourself (emo). Labeling only makes you generic...why would you want to be that? Quit trying to be like everyone else, and write your own story! It's much better for me to read when I don't already know it................ ;)

Answer 5

Not everyone has the ability to write the spoken or written language of poetry...it's sometimes is a style one develops on their own...becoming prone to the sensitive aspects of ones life...it's all in how you view it...emotionally, intuitively, lively, as it may be...it's the style and form that keeps you informed on the thoughts that the author is trying to state to you and me...but in true assertion and exertion of thought...it's truly how the reader interprets it.

It's just about going with the flow sweetie...think of that as you write your thoughts...focus in on how you are feeling...just write all the words you feel at once...then read them aloud to come up with a style that is unique about you...and yes, there is a rhythmic measure that adds pleasure to the poem...but not all is meant to rhyme in time or stay within that same time-line.

These are various styles I am sharing with you so that you can see that even as you speak...your words form poetically...

You can do it! and be Safe...(smiles)

Answer 6

Don't worry about rhyming it.
And don't try so hard to make the poem like other poems that you have seen or read. Just express the feelings you want to express. It'll be great.

I think it's great that you're trying to write your first poem. Keep it up!

Answer 7

first off, between when and promised, put you. second im kinda not feeling the word me as the ending of the first and second line.
Try this:

remember when you promised me
that you would keep me company
through every bloody tear i cried
i was yours and you were mine

...hope that helps. good luck!

Answer 8

poems don't have to rhyme, you should focus more on what you are trying to say rather than making it rhyme