couples that live together,can you please give me your opinion on this?

Question

i live with my bf of 4yrs in a condo we rent. we split the household bills 50/50 and anytime we go out movies,diner ect we take turns paying.i work full time and so does he but i only work 4 days a week to his 5 days.the problem is he feels i should do the cleaning,grocery shopping,pay the bills,errands all on my day off.i don't feel this is fair since we split everything else we should split the house work.he always makes me feel guilty/lazy when i ask him to help with stuff and says things like why don't u do that on your day off.don't get me wrong he does help but not on a regular basis.i do all the laundry,bill paying,80% grocery shopping,cooking,and cleaning.most of the time when i ask him to do something he agrees but never gets around to do it,then after a few days of me nagging we get into a fight over it and he does it pissed off.or i just do it.so can anyone tell me what they do if they both work and each pay half of the bills?is this always the womens job even if she works?

Answer 1

It doesn't matter what other people do/don't do. You need to decide if your boyfriend's attitude is a dealbreaker for you.

Bear in mind that he is very unlikely to change. Given that, can you continue to live with his attitude?

You might consider hiring a maid to do the cleaning and housework, and splitting the bill for that with your boyfriend. That doesn't solve the problem of his attitude, though.

Your boyfriend is who he is. He isn't going to change. Is he the person you want to spend your life with? If the answer to that is "no," then you already know what you have to do.

Good luck.

Answer 2

My god you have just described every relationship I have ever been in. I'm not the best at this; since I'm single again; but here is my opinion.

If you are paying 80 % of the bills and doing 90 % house work, what do you need him for? I have lived with 2 men(at seperate times) and they were exactly this way. That is why I am single now. True you don't work as much as he does so some of the errands should fall on you but the finances and housework should be divided. My ex was so bad about doing things around the house that I was out mowing the lawn with a push mower in 90 degree heat the day before my due date with my second child. I had asked him for a week to mow the grass and he completely ignored me.

If he is truly willing to help with the housework, do it together. IE I'll clean the living room while you clean the bedroom and I'll clean the bathroom while you clean the kitchen. Or you dust and I'll vaccuum. If that doesn't work stop doing his stuff for him and when he asks why he doesn't have any clean boxers you can tell him it is because he didn't do his laundry. And if he wonders why none of his stuff got put way you can tell him that is because I left it where you put it.

Don't let him guilt you. If you let this continue then you might as well lay down in front of the door and have WELCOME tatooed on your back.

Answer 3

I grew up with my single dad raising me, he worked full-time, and we split the chores 50/50 so yes, of course you should be splitting the chores. My dad and I did things like one of us would make dinner and then the other would do the dishes. We each did our own laundry, had our own hampers, etc. You don't have to go to that extreme but you probably should definitely sit down and decide what chores he is willing to do, for example if you do the laundry he takes out the trash. I do think you might also do more of the housework if he is willing to do repairs in the house also.

Edit: I have thought about it and I hate to admit it but I agree with your bf a little bit. When my bf and I (we are now married) were both working the same hours more or less the plan was that we tried to both split the cleaning chores/repair chores/yard work in half. I would count all those in btw, so if he is doing repairs and/or yard work, or you are, you should count those, too. But now I am a stay at home mom, so I am supposed to do all the work, (although I don't think that is quite fair since he and the kids are all slobs!) I really think he should pitch in occasionally because of that reason to really be fair. But anyway, the point being that it may not always be 50/50 because of varying work loads.

However, I also don't think if you work one day less you should have to spend the entire day shopping, cooking, and cleaning (which is what it sounds like he kind of expects) and don't think that is fair. You know he would never do that if he had that extra day! But maybe half of that day you could spend doing some chores, what's called a compromise? Maybe that would be enough to make him happy but also be fair to you as well?

Answer 4

He's not supporting you, and you pay half the bills, right? He needs to get up off his butt. He and the Swiffer have a hot date in the kitchen tonight, girl.

What if you worked 5 days a week? What if he worked 4? Would he cook, clean, do laundry and go to the grocery store?

I lived with my husband for SIX years before we got married. I always worked full time, we split the bills. He was a self sufficient man when we met. And man enough to know better than to expect me to work AND run the house without him doing his fair share.

This is good for you to know, How is he going to act if you two have a baby? Is it ever going to be his turn to feed the baby or change a diaper?

If he ever gave you an engagement ring he'd probably hand you a bill for your half. He's immature. He better be super hot, great in bed, and a real humanitarian to balance out being a lazy chauvinist pig.

Answer 5

Hold up a second...I'm all for equality been sexes, I really am, but you are picking and choosing your equalities. You say you want to split everything 50/50, except when it comes to your free time. Your boyfriend has a valid point: you have a considerable extra chunk of free time that he does not have, it's not equal.

What about a compromise? e.g. you could agree to always do the grocery shopping on your day off, and the two of you split the rest of the chores. Or better yet, do some of them together.

Answer 6

In a perfect world, yes you could split it...... I have not found that perfect world yet... I work full time, go to school full time, and handle all the house stuff while my husband just works full time and helps with the kids... I have found that it is easier to just do the stuff that needs to be done rather than wasting the energy nagging him about it.. If there is something that I just can't get done or don't have time to do, then I ask him to do it. He knows how good he has it and he doesn't resent when I ask for help occcasionally, so he usually does it right away...... Whenever you are in a relationship you have to learn to pick your battles and I do not want to battle about dirty dishes EVER!!

Answer 7

Sounds like you never negotiated boundaries. The pattern of unreal expectations have set in. You both have not explained your positions. Remember of 100 couple that lived together 40 will separate before marriage of the 60 that do marry 35 will divorce leaving 25 % bad odds right

Answer 8

According to what you say he is your boyfriend and not husband. You have both been commiting adultery and that is a sin. Quit that relationship NOW and ask for forgiveness from the Lord. You must be married to live with a man. The lord will help you make the right decision.

Answer 9

We share things and when it comes to cleaning and household duties we do them together.
Your boyfriend sounds immature and lazy. If he is like this now it is very possible that he wont change. Talk to him and work out a roster. Your day off is exactly that your day off.
Best of luck

Answer 10

not at all! it should be equal!! it sounds like nyour doing most everything anyways and when you have a day of its to relax!! talk to him and tell him how you feel if that doesnt work then maybe its best if you dont live together!he has no right to make you feel the way you are feeling!! you are better than that!!!