2007-01-12 09:37:31 · 17 answers · asked by Staks 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I have two.
A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
What were you thinking?
2007-01-12 11:41:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A young man comes before a customs agent.
A: "State your citizenship."
B:"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again."
B: "I sed American."
A: "I'm going to give you a test."
B: "No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I"m American."
A: "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow."
B: "Oh senor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!"
2007-01-12 22:59:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
2 Irish men walk down a street in London and see a sign in a shop window "suit £5.00 trousers £2.50 a pair and shirts £2.00 1 says to the other if we buy a job lot of these we can clean up in Ireland when we get home so as they enter the shop 1 says to the other let me do all the talking i will use my best English accent cause if they know we are Irish they will try and rip us of so they approach the man and in the best English accent 1 asks for a 100 suits at £5,00 100 pairs of trousers at £2.50 and 100 shirts at £2.00 the assistant looks puzzled and asks are you Irish how do you know that they ask because this is a dry cleaners replies the assistant lol
2007-01-12 20:17:42 · answer #3 · answered by LISA J 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Some of the ones from"Always Laughing" on here are crackers,check them out on jokes and riddles
2007-01-12 17:41:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants.
The bartender says "hey doesn't that bother you?"
the pirate says "Arr it's drivin me nuts"
2007-01-12 17:42:58 · answer #5 · answered by thuglife 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tiger wood's girlfriend is being shown Tiger's new car. Whilst looking at it she spots a golf tee on the front seat.
"What's that?" she asked
"It's a Tee. You put your balls on it when you drive off." Tiger replies.
"Gee!" she sighs very impressed. "General Motors think of everything!"
2007-01-12 17:52:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q. y did da chicken cross da road
A. 2 Get Away From Ur Rubbish Jokes
2007-01-12 19:33:48 · answer #7 · answered by mikel 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
what do micheal jackson and cheese have in common?
they both come on little crackers...
whats the difference between a sports car and a dead hooker?
i dont have a sports car in my garage....
what do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
a piece off @ss that'll bring a tear to your eye...
why is divorce so expensive?
cause its f.ucking worth it...
thats not a joke
whats the difference between a pizza and a black guy??
a pizza can feed a family.......ooooooohhhhhhhhhh
2007-01-12 18:21:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Did you hear about the Ice Cream Man who committed suicide?
Apparently he topped himself!!!!
2007-01-12 17:48:49 · answer #9 · answered by bundyburns 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He had to work it out with a pencil.
2007-01-12 17:41:42 · answer #10 · answered by bellefemme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋