Hi, I'm getting married in September this year, and my Step mother said they were going to take care of the wedding cake for us. I was very greatful at first, and then she started to talk to us about all the crazy ideas she has about our cake! She wants it to be "cheap" so she thought she'd ask at the grocery store first, and then she even threw out the idea of a butter tart cake OMG! She told us not to worry about the cake, so we don't even get to pick it out! I wondered if this idea would be ok. I thought I'd find the cake I want, and then tell her I found the perfect cake, and that SHE doesnt need to worry about it any more.. I know she's only trying to help, and I appreciate that! but I really don't like not knowing what I'm going to be getting. Do you think that would be rude? Could you please help me find a polite way of telling her that I don't want her to get the cake? maybe if she's willing to put the money she was going to spend toward it, but I'm not going to ask for it.
2007-01-12 09:33:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would send her an email...or mail her some pictures from magazines if she doesnt do email, of the cakes that I liked and hope it worked. "I know you said not to worry about picking a cake, but I was flipping through a bridal magazine and found one that I just fell in love with! Dont you love it?! Maybe we can go to the local bakery and get a quote...or I wonder if the grocery store makes cakes like this...I dont see why not." something along those lines.
Or you could always make your own cake. I dont know how hard this is, but Martha Stewart makes it look so easy so I decided I was going to do it. I already bought the pans and a book from joann.com (on sale), so Im committed!
Good luck!
2007-01-12 12:16:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Compromise....
The wedding cake should ultimately be the choice of the bride and groom. No one else!
If you step-mom wants to help out with the cost of the cake, that is absolutely awesome. The design/style/flavor should be left up to you and your fiance.
I know several people who have been in similar situations. Here is how they compromised with family members that "wanted to help". The bride & groom cake shopped and found what they wanted for "the cake" that everyone admires. It was a smaller cake, with a small top to be saved for the first anniversary (traditional people that they are).
They then chose to use sheet cakes for the bulk of the wedding guests. One friend went with sheet cake from the local grocery store (not good at all). Several of my friends have gone with sheet cake from Costco!! Yes, Costco. It is very good cake... and at a fraction of the price.
Anyway... it is a way to keep the budget down, and keep the peace. Plus, you can order several cakes from Costco and have them all a little different (different fillings/frostings/cake flavors). Keeps all the guests happy. (Not everyone likes plain old white cake w/white frosting... why not have a chocolate cake with strawberry filling and buttercream frosting... yummy...
I'm getting hungry just thinking about it!
2007-01-12 17:44:10 · answer #2 · answered by Laurie D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why don't you bring her some pictures of what you want your cake to look like and see how she reacts. Maybe she's just kidding. Also, tell her that you know of a great bakery and you could get a deal on the cake (even if it's not true).
You could also just come out and say that you are really grateful for what she wants to do for you but you would rather pick out the cake yourselves. Tell her it's important to you.
2007-01-12 19:31:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely see and understand your worry. I dont think that it would be rude. Its YOUR day so things should turn out how YOU want them to. You have and deserve the right to know exactly what you are getting and you also have the right to choose what you want and dont want. I would tell her...I know you said that you were going to help us with the cake and i really really appreciate it but I saw this beautiful cake and i really want it so im thinking about going with it.
It isnt rude or unappreciative. Thats how i would do it. If she offers to pay for it then good but i wouldnt tell her to pay for it. I would just see what she says from there. You also have to do this before she goes ahead and gets one from the grocery store.
Once again, Its your day and it only happens once so enjoy it and if people get angry with you then i wouldnt stress over it. Youre the one getting married not them and besides they should pretty much understand anyway becuase its family. Hope this helped and good luck!
2007-01-12 17:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by Yari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go to a few bakeries in your area, look at what kind of wedding cakes they offer and when you find one you like, tell your stepmother that you found a really pretty cake you would LOVE to have for your wedding...tell her you know she planned on buying the cake and you really appreciate it and you will gladly add money to the cake you saw so she isn't burdened with added expense and you would really like to show it to her!
PS..Don't get cake from the supermarket...they taste awful...Especially for your wedding, you want a GOOD tasting cake. Run this by her and hopefully she will understand.
Good Luck!
2007-01-12 17:41:57 · answer #5 · answered by 2179 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
tell her that you would really like to go with her to look at some cakes even at the grocery store. Some grocery stores have really nice wedding cakes. Tell her that you need her opinion on one that you saw the other day.
2007-01-12 17:55:30 · answer #6 · answered by needanswers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her that you found the cake of your dreams and you must have it. If it's really expensive I'd just tell her You know the cake is pretty pricey and I really do want it. Do you want to still want to help out. If she says yes or looks hesitant just tell her Don't worry just pay for what you can and we'll take care of the rest. It's just a sweet thought that you wanted to even help us out.
2007-01-12 17:49:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding and you have every right to say what you want. It's not rude to let your step-mother know that you have a different idea as to what your cake should be. This is your day! I understand that your stepmother wants to help and be a part of this special event, but just let her know how you truly feel. Always be honest, but be tactful when you let her know.
Good luck!
2007-01-12 18:04:31 · answer #8 · answered by nurias5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is someone who will continue to be in your life, so handle it in that light. Be straight with her honey, if she bull dozes now its hell later. Your wedding is yours and you only do it once (hopefully). Stand your ground and just say "Hey, the cake is important to me and I really want to make the important choices!" Traditionally speaking, the cake arrangements are done by the couple and paid for be the brides parents. One of the best parts of planning my wedding was going to bakery's and tasting different cakes and choosing from different styles. Good luck and remember, standing up for your wedding is NOT impolite, but you may regret it if you don't!
2007-01-12 17:48:41 · answer #9 · answered by Mystic M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get your own cake, and in case she doesnt come through you have another one. You can say it was a gift from another guest if you want. But i would pick the cake of my dreams....
I say you should get the fake cake- the one with the two fakes bottoms and the real top, and then two grooms cakes...
2007-01-12 19:46:26 · answer #10 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋