I need advice on how to confront someone if their child is hitting my child while in daycare.?

Question

She is only one years old and she is learning how to hit. She started hitting me and my boyfriend (Dad) and its starting to get worse. I think she is learning from this boy who is 2 years older than her, I have witnessed him hit her a couple times. He is a little brat and I feel I am about to spank the **** outta him if his mom doesn't do anything (she has seen it before, and just tells him "no" that's it).
ps. Of course I wouldn't spank him, its just how I feel.

I forgot to add that the daycare is an "in-home" I just started taking her there a month ago. The lady that runs the daycare is the administrator of it and can only take 6 children, the boy who is hitting is her son. So she is the only person I can confront about that. I just don't want to sound demanding because my daughter is with her for a few hours a day with other children. I need advice on what I can say or how I should say it. Thank you all!

Answer 1

If it's happening in daycare, how are you and your bf around? Do you own the daycare? Oh wait---your child is hitting you and you think she picked it up at daycare!!!!!!!!

If that's the case, then you need to talk to the daycare worker and ask if she is having trouble with the boy hitting your child and possible other children as well. Ask the worker what she has done to remedy the situation--ask her outright if she has spoken with the parent. If she hasn't ask her to please do so before someone gets seriously hurt.

Then, ask her if your child is beginning to hit kids as well and if so, how she is handling that. (That way, you show concern for your child's behavior as well as the behavior of the other child)

Finally, tell the worker to please let you know if your child starts hitting and then thank her for all of her hard work and the job she does taking care of your child. (A little sweetness goes a looooong way!)

Your daycare should taking care of this situation for you--if they don't--find another day care.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

Really - you need to go through the daycare teacher. She needs to have zero tolerance for hitting and have a punishment (time out) for children who hit. If you witness the boy hitting your little girl then you can say to the boy "hitting is naughty - use a nice touch" so that your daughter sees that you do not approve of hitting. You can't discipline the other boy obviously though...but do call attention to it to the teacher so she is aware that this is becoming an issue.

Also she if there is a way for her to be seperated from him for most of the day...really a 1 year old and a 3 year old shouldn't be grouped together...I am guessing it is a small daycare or home daycare...but the teacher should have more of a preschool corner for the 3 year olds.

Answer 3

First of all, your daughter should not be in the same room as a 3-year-old child. No daycare that I have worked at has mixed children with a 2-year age difference. Secondly, you cannot really confront the other child's parents about their child's behavior. You can discuss it with your daycare provider (i.e. the teachers and owner), however. But mostly you just need to realize that if your child is in daycare they will learn behavior that you might disapprove of (hitting, talking back, etc.) because children tend to ape behavior and nothing is more fun to them than doing theings that get attention. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. If you really don't like your child hitting, find a nanny or provider that will watch your child alone.

Answer 4

There really isn't much you can do about this. The only thing you can really do is bring it up in conversation let her know you are aware of what is going on but you have to remember this other child is a child too. Think of it the other way around if it was your daughter who was the one hitting. I know it is frustrating but let her know you are aware and the next time it happens let her know that you are concerned and that maybe she should have a talk with his parents about this. Hitting is a normal stage kids go through so its a tough situation for you and the provider. Hopefully it doesn't get nasty.

Answer 5

Talk to the daycare worker.

First, your 1 year old shouldn't be mixed in with 3 year olds. My personal opinion, but it's not the best thing for her. Both daycares I've had my children in put children two years old and up together early in the morning and later in the afternoon, but the babies were always in other rooms.

My son has been the hitter, and I didn't know about it for a while. However, when his teacher asked me to work with him about it, I did, and he's better. I would have been pretty annoyed if another parent confronted me about it, though.

If you've gone through the daycare worker and nothing's happened, I think you can mention it to the mom, but try not to be confrontational. As the mom of a former hitter, trust me, it ain't fun for us either, and it could be she just has no idea WHAT to do to fix it.

Answer 6

Your child is one? Redirection and guidance. "That's not how we touch people, Emma. Touch gently, like this." "Hands are not for hitting, Emma, hands are for hugging (then hug her)." Hitting a kid for hitting another kid doesn't make any logical sense, but simply saying "no" isn't adequate, either. Even at three years old children aren't able to formulate "mom said don't do X, so I need to do Y instead." Logic doesn't exist in the human brain until 5-6 years of age, contrary to what people want to believe about kids and what they're capable of. The next time you see this kid hit yours, gush all over your kid, something like "Oh Emma, I'm so sorry Michael hit you! That's not nice, is it? Here, have hugs and loves. Let's go play over here away from Michael until he's ready to be nicer, okay?" One thing to keep in mind is that this behavior is developmentally normal and your kid may start doing the same thing in a year or two.

For your own sake, I recommend the book "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn. For confrontation with the other parent, I recommend thinking about how you'd like to be spoken to if it were YOUR kid (because like I said, it might be your kid sooner than you think).

Answer 7

OK I say start looking for different daycare...easier said then done but if you are uncomfortable with the child there then it is not good for you or the child you have instincts to protect children follow them all the time:)
Good luck I hope it all works out
One year olds are also testing to see what they can get away with be consistent telling her no and explain that it hurts people to hit she does understand what a owie and I am sure she doesn't want to give anyone one.

Answer 8

you should talk with the director of the daycare and request that your daughter be seperated from the boy if he doesn't stop hitting her. ask them what their guidelines are for how they handle children who continuously misbehave. my girls are 2, and a boy in their daycare class would bite them, and the boy would be removed from the class, and both me and the boy's parents had to sign an incident report.

Answer 9

You can't blame other parents or children for you child's behavior. Your daughter will learn lots of bad things from lots of people throughout her life - she needs to learn that she is held responsible for her own actions.

When she hits you, get down on her level and tell her "No. It is not ok to hit." Then put her in timeout. (1 minute for each year of age.) Get her to say "sorry" or "no hitting" when she's done in timeout.

Answer 10

First of all..you take this complaint to the day care administrators. You ask if they can separate the kids or what their disciplinary actions are. You could then ask other parents if their kids have suffered the same abuse by this bratty child. If you intend to speak to the MOther..go in force and with a specific consequence in mind if she keeps turning a blind eye. I am sure if the day care started losing several paying clients their attitude would get sharper.