I'm forever bailing him out to pay his credit card fees off. Often spend on himself, he recently splashed out 15- 30 quid on the update of world of warcraft expansion pack. But when i want something like a pair of shoes or a top, he often makes me feel guilty, telling me that the money could be better spent. Its really unfair of him, he goes out weekly with his mates and spends up to 20 quid or so at the pub. And then i end up getting nothing.
How can i express myself correctly to him, without causing an arguement or being to offensive?
2007-01-12 08:54:23 · 35 answers · asked by lonely as a cloud 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
And THAT I suspect is your problem....you don't wish to start an argument or appear offensive...
This is YOUR money that YOU earned & it's yours to spend as you wish, so why are you feeling bad about the way you use it? & why are you bailing him out of his money problems?
The problem here is actually you Babe, you need to get pissed off & angry in order to be able to take action...you don't have to argue & you don't have to get offensive...it's very simple.
You just firmly say to him that you resent his interference in your life & don't appreciate being told by another what to do. You then tell him you will no longer be bailing him out when he needs his credit card bills paid off & that if he continues to attempt to run your life for you then he leaves you no option but to call it a day between you both....you need to be strong concerning this though because he will only take notice as far as you're prepared to stick to your guns.
Trust me...when you finally get some respect for yourself...he'll start respecting you as well.
Until that happens though....he's going to treat you the way you treat yourself....its human nature I'm afraid.
Oh yes! he'll balk against it because this isn't the way you've normally been & he'll give it a go to use emotional blackmail....you need to tell him you're not interested in all that emotional crap & you're not open to debate....you've made your decision & he either falls into line with it or it's over between the 2 of you...
Come on Girl! get strong....get positive & get some self respect...if he cares about you he'll only love you more for sticking up for yourself....if he's using you he'll sod off....in which case...good riddance to bad rubbish.
Good luck Sweetheart & be firm about this if you want to see change
By the way...if you really don't feel you can do this then maybe signing up for a self assertive class is what you need...you owe it to yourself because if you don't learn to stand up for yourself....then you'll have this problem with every b/f you get in the future.
2007-01-12 09:29:39 · answer #1 · answered by Funky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hes your bf not your dad. hes not even your husband, if you make your own money, then you have the say of how it gets spent. sounds like he dictates not only how to spend on your self but also expecting you to bail him out of debt. If you are planning a future together, then you better get this issue solved. Even in a marriage, when you both work and bring in money , you each have a right to spend without permission. as long as it is responsibly. Bills should be shared and lg purchases should always be discussed. Tell him to bugger off!
2007-01-12 09:03:51 · answer #2 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a nice tone, 'sweetie, when you've stopped relying on me to bail you out with your credit card fees, and when it's YOU lending ME money then I could see how you'd have a right to tell me how to spend it.' Can't believe him saying the money could be better spent - yeah, he means on himself! I don't really see how you can sugar coat what you say any more than that without him taking note of what you say. Hmm, maybe this is why i don't have a bf, i would be too nasty to them! x
2007-01-13 04:15:17 · answer #3 · answered by Nikita21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the right comparable concern. you ought to tell her that she is determining on adult males over you and you will't have a "ultimate chum" who does that. in case you do no longer tell her, she'll keep strolling throughout you. Your no longer there whilst ever SHE desires you, she ought to be there for you too. They looked as though it might have build a realtionship out of lies yet she has to check from her very own blunders. If she keeps doing this, tell her you could't be pals. OR tell her she will do what ever she needs, yet whilst something happened, do no longer permit her come crying to you in view which you instructed her so.
2016-10-07 01:47:23 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know how to put this politely, so i am just gonna say it...
your boyfriend is a scrub and he is taking the P*SS. Why cant he pay his own damn credit card fees?? If anybody is supposed to support anyone it should be him supporting the woman not vice versa!!! He is a more of a liability than a boyfriend, a noose around your neck. get rid!!
2007-01-14 12:55:28 · answer #5 · answered by Chimera's Song 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mistake # 1 is paying his credit card fees. Stop that! And the next time he mocks you for buying yourself something, say "If I need advice on how to spend my money, I'll hire a certified financial consultant" Or, "I don't tell you what to do with your money, ok?" Or smile and just say, "it's okay - I deserve it. Besides, it's my money." p.s. He sounds like a loser.
2007-01-12 09:03:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no sure fire way to avoid an arguement but I would keep track of everything spent on who for 2 weeks and then show him and let him know that you have wants and needs like he does, you earn it and deserve a prize to
2007-01-12 08:59:42 · answer #7 · answered by loveamouse7767 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you care about offending him, when he obviously couldnt give a flying fcuk about your feelings. Does he work? If he doesnt then just refuse to give him any more money and tell him when he gives you money then he can tell you how to spend it. If you want to buy yourself something new then just go ahead and do it. Its your money and no one has any rights to tell you how to spend it. I had the same problem with an ex. He used to get really pi**ed off with me if I wasnt spending all my money on him.
2007-01-12 09:06:00 · answer #8 · answered by fallenangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live together, have one account to pay the bills and then have separate accounts for the rest of your money and then what you do with your cash is your affair.
Me and the girlie have been doing it this way for 11 years and we've never argued over money.
2007-01-12 08:59:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to sit him down and have an adult talk and let him know how you feel. Things should be 50-50. And stop bailing him out, he thinks he is controlling you, show him hes not!
2007-01-12 09:00:48 · answer #10 · answered by sw312 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋