my fiance and I were lying in bed the other night just talking about general stuff. A few days before hand he said something to upset me and stopped out all night without telling me, i was worried sick! I soon found out that he stopped at a girls house whom he knows from work but he swore to me that nothing happened and I believe him but then I found out that this girl really likes him. This made me really quite jelous. I started making little jokes and we had some fun about it and I was over it - I just had one more question ask, ''do you like her?'' he reasurred me that he didnt and so I was fine. BUT later on in bed he got on top of me, entered me and said ''theres something I need to tell you'' then he said ''I do like that girl quite a lot'' and then carried on with what he was doing to me regardless of the fact that I was crying. Do you think it would be a good idea to call of the wedding or is he just goin through a rough patch? He has never been like this before, HELP!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-12 08:52:56 · 47 answers · asked by angelcakes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
P.S. i didnt ask him just before we were about 'to get busy' as someone put it, he decided to tell me the answer then!
2007-01-12 08:58:13 · update #1
That was down right disrespectful of him to do that at that time and to lie about it before hand. Going through a rough pathch is giving him an excuse for his actions. Being in a relationship should be having full honesty and communication with YOU. You had complete trust in him and he broke that trust. I would not be able to look at him the same. I think he thought the timing would make you not upset. I would have made him get off of me. I would call it off. You both need to sit down and have a heart to heart, not in the bedroom. Discuss what you both want and need, your fears, your wants, your desires, what you expect from each other. If you are engaged and he loves you, he needs to stay away from temptation. If he cannot, you need to end it, and be glad it happened before you were married. That was so incensitive of him and disrespectful. Reminds me a lot of an ex-boyfriend of mine. If he can stay out all night and not call you and is at another girls house, that is disrespectful, especially when you are engaged to be married. It is one thing to have a friend who is a girl and speak to her during the day, but to stay out at night, no. I wouldn't let him touch me romantically at all.
If you think your relationship is worth saving, I would make him go to counseling. He has to be honest and communicate honestly and fully. I am so sorry. Hugs to you.
2007-01-12 09:02:59 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know to call off a wedding would be a pain and an embarassment, but the fact stays- you need to follow your heart. The best time to end this relationship would be NOW. If he is like this now, things will only get worse as time progresses (even into marriage). Just think- 5 years down the road do you want to still be worrying if your husband is lying to you or not? the answer is no. You deserve better, and there are PLENTY of other guys out there that will treat you better. Just end it now and dont proceed with marriage if you have doubts about someone. It is so much more simpler to end things right away before they progress. Best of luck
2007-01-12 08:59:23 · answer #2 · answered by chris_m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, maybe he can't make up his mind betwen the two of you. It's just wrong of him to have feelings for someone else when the two of you are still together and about to get married. Think of the outcome if you marry him. He might even cheat on you then. I'm not telling you to call off the wedding. Its' just that...if he cares for you more and would forget about the other girl then you should be fine. But if you ask him and he can't decide or is hesitant, then there's no use carrying on! good luck! I hope you feel better. It's just wrong of him. All in all, it's not your fault at all, so don't put it on yourself
2007-01-12 08:58:01 · answer #3 · answered by craz34jason 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy knows how to push your buttons he is clearly running all over you, get a backbone honey bunny boo. He is going to become this really big a s s hole if you don't break off the engagement let that b i t c h know that you are not going to stand for the bull. Girl, he is a waste of your time he cheated on you for sure with that girl and will do it again. he is finding away to get you mad to give him an excuse to go off and cheat so he can feel justified about sleeping with someone. If you don't wake up and leave this jerk a s s of a man I will just shake you. Much love, and good luck.
2007-01-12 08:59:26 · answer #4 · answered by nina_ross692000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It was totally inappropriate and completely insensitive of him to do that to you.
You should NOT be marrying any guy that likes another woman 'quite a lot.' You need to ask him why he stopped by her house and how can he like someone when you're engaged as well as why he picked that certain time to tell you about it?
He is not worthy of you and I wouldn't stand for his treatment one minute longer. Do NOT marry this guy, I'm telling you....it's not a rough patch....he is clearly not mature enough for marriage.
You also need to find out if he had sexual contact with that woman because he could be putting you at risk. I know it will be hard to talk to him, but this is your LIFE you're talking about, so you have to do it. You may not like what you're going to hear, but it will work out for the best in the long run.
Please take good care of yourself and remember that you do NOT deserve to be treated like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-12 08:58:14 · answer #5 · answered by JJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this is really a queston you need answered, but because you asked........
Yes, you need to call of the wedding! Not because he like the other girl (althought that is a consideration too), but because:
A. He lied to you, B. He has only self gratification in mind, C. He cares not for your feelings let alone your relationship.
Why did he do this to you? That is less of a concern that why you are still considering a long term relationship with him given the behavior you describe.
You are fooling yourself, at least he is getting what he wants out of he realtionship while it lasts. No, you should not marry him!!!!!!
What is this world comming to?
2007-01-12 09:04:18 · answer #6 · answered by MtnManInMT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's funny he'd finally bring it up during sex- like you'd just say "well let's call her and invite her into this". And the fact that he kept going while you were crying- how selfish. I would at least postpone the wedding, until you can find out why he's being a jerk. I would not be surprised if he has already slept with that girl and is trying to tell you.
2007-01-12 08:59:12 · answer #7 · answered by live75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a mental and a physical rape. What wedding? Kick the guy to the curb. Maybe he is looking for a way out of the wedding. He doesn't care about you at all; he really abused you and you didn't even know it or recognize it. See a counselor who will explain to you about self respect and how to get some.
2007-01-12 09:05:20 · answer #8 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't something to ask a bunch of strangers. You need to look inside yourself and ask: if he's like this now, how much more do I not know about him? How much will come out in our marriage?
You should talk about it with your friends, and maybe some family. I personally think this guy is a jackass. And, no offence, but you should have stopped him after he said such a thing, and discussed it with him. It's going to be harder to approach now - but your future depends on it, so it's inevitable that you need to talk about it.
2007-01-12 08:59:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you really need to sit down with him and discuss this. It may be that he's just going through a thing right now, but you need to make sure that he's still on the same page with you and that he still wants to marry you. If he's gonna keep on hanging out with her behind your back I would definately call it off and rethink what you would like to do in the future for yourself. Talk to him. Find out how he really feels.
2007-01-12 08:59:00 · answer #10 · answered by Candi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋