Am I doing the right thing, by letting him go?

Question

I was dating a guy for 3 years off and on. He was verbally abusive and once physically abusive. He would go off and over exaggerate issues. I learned it's about power and control. I broke up for the upteenth time. I still love him and miss the good parts of him, but I know I am powerless to change him. He told me over and over again that he wouldn't change and if he went to therapy I would have to pay for it. Sounds like a real jerk huh? But he did have a loving side to him, just didn't manifest itself very well. Now, he's trying to hurt me again by trying to make me jealous. I cannot go back. I am just hurting alot. I don't know how I am going to finally get over him. I pray, I talk to others, but the pain and fear of not finding someone I could get close to is overwhelming! How does one get over it? It's been 5 weeks since break up but 1 week since he last tried to get me to talk to him during which I told him that he destroyed our relationship. He said I was selfish.

He says I am selfish because I didn't do what he says like I used to. And nothing was ever good enough in "his eyes", except when he had his way and I was tending to his needs.

Answer 1

yes you are doing the right thing. no one needs these types of problems, life is difficult enough without having someone in your life who behaves like that. you can find a better man than that if you are sweet and sincere, which it seems you are. so hold onto your pride and stick to your values. once you come out of this and are in a healthy relationship you will see how much better is is and wonder why you put up with things this way for so long.
As far as getting over him, that will be hard if you really loved him. But you can love someone else just the same or way more! Keep your dreams and self esteem alive and look towards the future. Go out with a smile on your face, be friendly and look out, the guys will be coming out of the woodwork;-)
Best Wishes and Hang in there!!!!!!

Answer 2

Whether you are 15 or 50, there will always be able to find someone. Trust me, even though the majority of guys are jerks, there are still many of us out there that know just how precious the true love of a good woman is. Don’t let fear keep you in a relationship that doesn’t work the way you feel it should. Life should not, and does not need to be wasted on emotional pain. Never enter a relationship with the thoughts of changing the person.
I wish you the best.

Answer 3

I was in your exact situation 6 years ago. I lived with him for over a year & a half & the abuse went on and one. He would hit me and then cry & say I'm sorry. He couldnt hold a job & made me responsible for everything. The day I walked out was the best day of my life. But like you I was miserable for weeks afterwards. I kept aggonizing over doing the right thing & wondering if there was anyone out there for me. Once I realized that I was a beautiful, young, intelligent, independent woman I met an amazing man. We dated for three years and things didn't work out (He has a daughter and I'm not ready to be a stepmom) but he helped me realized that I deserve the world. Now I'm in another serious relationship, we took things very slow & now I'm as happy as I can be. I promise you that you made the right decision. It hurts alot right now but I swear (It will feel so wonderful soon. You are obviously a kind person) so I can tell by the simple fact that you are worried about your decisions... so I know that you will find someone who deserves you someday.

Good Luck & God Bless.

Answer 4

You most certainly did the right thing. He is a jerk and he will never change. I recently went through something similar. I finally made the decision that there would be no next time because it was me paying the price. Nothing ever changed and things only got worse because of mounting resentment and anger. You must get to a point where you require more for yourself and will not tolerate anything less. He will never give you what your looking for and as long as your wasting your time with him you wont have the opportunity to meet the right guy. You did the right thing so keep on doing it and dont cave in next time he calls. Stay strong because there is a light at the end of the tunnel but you will never see it as long as your allowing him to abuse you.

Answer 5

Well it's only been 5 weeks and I know it seems like some time but I do not think it will be that easy. You can not be with him if he can not treat you how you should be treated. I was wit ha guy for two and a half years and he was similar verbally abusive and cut throat. I mean I loved him but I had to leave because he hurt me daily and I would talk to him about it and he did not get it. I mean he thought it was funny. It was so hard to think of being with someone else. Eventually it just happens things like this can not be rushed~ Good Luck~

Answer 6

Realize that he probably just doesn't know what to do with his anger when you don't understand or agree with something that seems obvious to him. He's probably a great person on the inside, and him being jealous is an act of weakness on his part. From what it sounds like, he's had his chance, and then some. Even if someone has lots of good qualities about them, and are good people in general, if there was ever abuse in any form, or jealously forming now, then it's probably not a good idea to ever get back together with him. As far as letting him go, I would say that was a good choice. We all have to move on sometime.

Answer 7

SELFISH? How are you being selfish? C'mon, you cant let a guy ruin you like this! Especially when he is verbally abusive, and once physically abusive! You have no reason to put up with his stupidity. Guys come and go! Be strong and keep prayin! It will be hard for a couple of months, but its better than being verbally abused. If he physically abused once, he can do it again. Just move on and be strong.. Best Wishes..

Answer 8

Take a walk on the beach, get yourself together and take some time to think about what you want in a relationship. After a break up, I think that spending time alone is not a bad move (at least for me it was not). See new people, go to new places, enjoy yourself. Time will heal and life will be good again...but don't go back to him...lots of break-ups are a sign that does not lie. As for not finding someone, just FYI, there are 6 billion people on this earth, roughly half are men...you should be fine.

Answer 9

Honey - I am speaking from experience ...... You are much better off without him. He is a manipulator and an abuser and your best off to just leave him alone. Find some friends to hang out with and if you have to take up a hobby to get your mind off of him. I have been through it and You do not deserve to be treated like that..... there is someone out there for you that will treat you like a queen and be thankful everyday to have you and not abuse you in any way. if you need go get some counseling for yourself.... you have been abused and that can stick with you. Don't talk to him, dont answer his calls and dont meet him just let him be and live your life you are special you are better then that. Good luck hun

Answer 10

your fear of being alone could drive you back to him. He is in control of you and he knows all he has to do is wait it out. If you want a lifetime of misery then by all means return to him. The misery will be guaranteed for life. However the alone you feel right now is NOT guaranteed for life. Take a huge risk and go with being alone because eventually you will meet someone who will treat you better. Just watch for clues when you meet new guys to make sure you dont get involved with another selfish abusive control freak.