Yesterday I got a invitation to a friends wedding and they requested no children. My fiance and I have a 9 year old daughter and a 20 month old son. Im a little offended because when planning my wedding the girlfriend of the guy who is our friend (the couple thats getting married) told us she wont come to our wedding if she cant bring her kids... which was odd becasue we never mentioned no kids at our wedding since we have two kids that will be there and we both think kids should be allowed at weddings because they just as important in families as adults. I dont want to go to their wedding but my fiance says we should try to get a babysitter and go. What would you do?
2007-01-12 07:09:05 · 37 answers · asked by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My whole point is that the bride to be told me she wouldnt come to my wedding if I didnt invite her kids too and now she is telling me that I cant bring my kids to her wedding. I absolutly think that its ok to ask for no kids but im mad at her for insulting me by saying she wouldnt come to mine if her kids werent allowed but now I cant bring mine to hers. Please the read question fully.
2007-01-12 07:17:24 · update #1
They arent that close of friends. Maybe Im being a bit immature about this but its irritating.
2007-01-12 07:20:30 · update #2
I forgot to mention that she told me this about her kids and my wedding three days ago.
2007-01-12 07:27:45 · update #3
I have no intention of bringing my kids uninvited.
2007-01-12 07:34:47 · update #4
Call your friend and ask her if there will be an onsite sitter or if other families are going to get in together and have a couple of sitters for several kids. Otherwise, get your own sitter and go the wedding. It will be a good date night for you and your fiance.
It may not have her choice to not have the kids there.
2007-01-12 07:13:34 · answer #1 · answered by Jo 6 · 5⤊ 2⤋
First remember this is their special day, not yours. When you get married you can have things exactly the way you want them. For now it is complelty up to you if you go or stay home. If you feel more of a devotion to the kids then your friends (which your the mommy so completly understandable) then stay with your kids. You never know who pushed the no kids thing. Maybe it was her parents or his parents, and she didn't want to say no to anyone. It could be stressing her out, so I wouldn't bring it up to her. Maybe seating is limited and she can't invite as many people if there are children present. If your fiance wants the two of you to go then try, but if you have too many problems with going, call your friend before the wedding and let her know you won't be able to make it, since you have the kids, but assure her you want to get together after the wedding to see pictures watch the video etc. This let's her open up and say "Oh I'm sorry my future mother in law pushed that, bring them any way." or "Ok, great I'm sorry about this, but it's just for the best."
Remember it is her day, but it's also up to you. Don't do anything that will make you uncomfortable!
2007-01-12 07:25:28 · answer #2 · answered by me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you could ask her about it, but you will probably get a standard answer: hall couldn't fit all the children (can't invite one without them all), couldn't afford the extra meals, etc.
I am not inviting children, not because I feel children are not "as important in families as adults" but because I have about fifty and I can't afford to shell out that kind of cash. AND because most of the weddings I've been to the adults have a great time and usually get trashed whether they have children or not. I don't want some of the kids exposed to that, even if it's not their parents.
If I were you I'd try to get a sitter and enjoy the night. If you can't I'm sure you'll be missed, but not so much as to change your friend's mind about whether or not to invite children (in other words don't not go to get a point across). If you DO decide to bring your children who are NOT invited (as the first answer suggests) YOU will be in the wrong, not your friend and YOU will be the ungrateful/unwanted guest. And don't be surprised if your children have no food that night. If they weren't invited or expected and show up anyway, they only have food for the guests they invited.
One thing you could do, if they are having the ceremony and reception at different sites, is have someone bring your children (dressed in their Sunday best, and top behaviour, of course) to the ceremony. A bunch of my cousins are doing this, and I am happy about it.
2007-01-12 07:28:32 · answer #3 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a babysitter and go, or don't get a sitter and stay home. Why do people ***** about things like this? It's her wedding and she has every right in the world to have it the way she wants it. If she doesn't want kids there, that's up to her. If you dont' like it, don't go. You should keep it zipped too. Kids disrupt weddings and are a distraction to the adults. You can't have as good a time if you have to take care of a 20 month old. And what happens when the kids scream and cry during the vows. Your opinion of kids being just as important carries no weight, it's not your wedding. How ignorant!
2007-01-12 07:18:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Some people have specific reasons as to why they do not want children at their weddings. I am from a large family, many, many cousins, and most of the weddings I have been to with them have allowed children up to a certain age to attend, such as "No children under 12" because they feel it 1) not only has the possibility of disrupting the wedding ceremony, but 2) also keeps the parents of the children from completely enjoying their night. The parents have to worry about their children consistently, and not be able to fully enjoy themselves. You might want to ask your friend if it is okay to bring them to the reception, providing the children will not be eating off their own plates. It costs a lot, and depending on how many adults are at their wedding, depends on how much they can afford to spend on children. Think of it, if you were allowed to bring your children, then everyone else would have to as well.... If your friend doesn't allow children, then get a babysitter, and spend a night with your fiance ALONE at the wedding! It will be more fun than worrying about your 20month old getting cranky and tired and then you having to leave early. Good Luck!
2007-01-12 07:21:11 · answer #5 · answered by katrina 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sometimes people have very traditional/weird weddings where the ceremony is long and boring and even if the kids were invoved in the wedding they would be bored and start acting up. Plus sometimes special arrangements have to be made for kids like a kids table and special food at the reception and lots of other stuff. In wedding planning that can be a hassle coupled with a burden for kids that are the married couples, so they request no children.
You should ask her if her own kids are going otherwise they are breaking their own rule and you can point that out.
2007-01-12 07:56:02 · answer #6 · answered by RoadRunner 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Considering the demand she made on you, I think that would sting a bit.
HOWEVER
You had your wedding your way, you didnt have to invite children regardless of what she said, it wasnt her decision and if she didnt want to leave her kids then she was more than welcome to decline the invitation. But your choice was to have children, and from what you post states on your stance on childen at weddings, what this woman said at the time would have had no bearing on your decision.
This is her wedding though and she calls the shots. If you dont want to get a sitter, by all means decline the invitation, that is as much your right as it is hers to say no kids please. But thats the choice that you are making.
I prefer kidless weddings, I love my 2 to death, but in my opinion there are just some places that kids dont belong. Plus I enjoy having an evening out with my husband every once in a while and a wedding is a great place to eat, dance, drink, and see friends, a perfect night off .
2007-01-12 07:19:24 · answer #7 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People always have some big fantasy about their wedding, and some people are afraid that kids will ruin that fantasy. It's their right to do that, although I agree I think they're missing some of the point of what should be a family oriented gathering.
I don't think you should be offended, it just seems like these people are uptight.
I suggest you get a baby sitter and enjoy some adult only time, if you can't get a baby sitter don't go.
2007-01-12 07:17:51 · answer #8 · answered by Julian A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do agree that she had every right to put no kids on her invitation, but I think it's pretty harsh of her to basically invite her own kids to your wedding and not tell you that her wedding was to be kid-free. If she just gave you the ultimatum 3 days ago about attending your wedding, she could have very well said, "Oh, by the way..." Personally, I wouldn't go, just send my fiance and just get him to cover for me saying I couldn't find a sitter. Is this girl a bridezilla or what? It's pretty bit*** that she couldn't tell you that the wedding's kids free.
2007-01-12 07:39:24 · answer #9 · answered by Cheyenne 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be offended. While his girlfriend may have mentioned before she wouldn't come to your wedding unless she can bring her kids, you never know what situations occur that prompted her to change her view. She may not have realized all that's entailed in planning a wedding until after she started her wedding planning. Whether they choose to not have children for financial reasons, atmosphere, or any other reason, it is there choice. As a friend you should respect their wishes and try to attend their special day. I agree with your fiance and suggest getting a baby sitter and go.
2007-01-12 07:22:34 · answer #10 · answered by Veronica W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is indeed a tough one. I recently got engaged, so I have been doing a lot of research and there were invitations out there to suggest an adult reception. I myself enjoy kids, although they can be distracting. Rule of thumb is, talk to your fiancee about how her inquiry on if kids are allowed at your wedding made you feel. Talk it over as a couple and come to a decision. If you are close to the marrying couple {her (or him)}, just come out and ask. I understand that you do not want to offend them, however, what do they plan on doing with their own kids?
2007-01-12 07:16:23 · answer #11 · answered by babeegirl257 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋