RE Son and Girlfriend?

Question

Ok here it goes... My step son is grounded for bad grades.. He is only allowed to use his cell phone for 30 minutes a day to talk to his girlfriend and only allowed to see her on the weekends until his grades come up-last night i overheard him on the phone- when he was supposed to be going to sleep- took the phone from him and proceeded to tell him he was not getting it back.. Well, the phone started ringing looked at the caller ID it was his girlfriend - when i opened it up there on the screen is a picture of her in his lettermans jacket and nothing else... Needless to say I was livid! Told him to delete the pictures and that now he will never get his cell phone back ... He is 16 yrs old and I cannot beleive these kids think this is appropriate.. My husband is considering going to the girls parents to let them know what is going on and is even considering sending his son to live with his mom.. There have been more problems then this- and we have no idea what to do.. Please help..

Answer 1

I am proud that you are willing to be a real parent, and take control of this situation.

I would call the girls parents. It's what a good parent does. My parents sure didn't have a problem calling my friends parents to turn us in. It takes adults to raise good kids. Don't be afraid to be the one in charge....you are in charge.

Answer 2

Yeah it's a new generation. I think I would be in jail honey if I had to raise my 2 children up all over again. My son wasn't too bad but my daughter almost drove me to murder. At the age of 15 I sent her @ss to her father because I was dreaming every night that I was killing her with knives! My ex-husband came immediately and scooped her butt up, packed her things and hit the door. So I know what you're going through. Therapy won't help! Your son isn't crazy! An @ss whooping you can't risk because teenagers now a day kill their parents in their sleep or they set them up to be murdered. Ok! So what can be done? Even if you send him to live his mother he's still going to call his girlfriend. Although you won't have the problems, the mother will. I would suggest some extra curricular activities. Sign his butt up with some type of class or sport. But make sure it's something that he likes and that down the line, he could really get interested and good at it. Have him be so busy until he won't have time to get into trouble. Then when the weekends come, he'll be so tired from the week, he might not want to even leave the house. And if he doesn't, if he's the typical teenager that I think he is, make him do his laundry and clean-up his room to your standards. Lay down some rules!

Answer 3

seriously? your name is young4ever, isn't it? don't you remember what it's like being sixteen? these two kids have no doubt had sex a few times, and as long as their using protection, why shouldn't they? that's what being a teenager is about: learning about adult relationships and exploring those same boundaries.

your son called his girlfriend late at night, when he was supposed to be sleeping. according to his grades, this is a serious issue. you were right to take the phone away, and you were right to ground him from it. furthermore, you are right to insist that he deletes that photo, since child pornography laws don't take into account the age of the person taking the photo. pictures of naked sixteen year olds are illegal no matter who is taking or keeping them.

i would suggest that you just keep him from talking to his girlfriend on the phone for a week. don't tell him when you'll give the phone back, just keep it for a week and then give it back, explaining that if he messes up again it will be gone for good.

i would suggest not kicking your son out of the house like that though... abandonment of that sort is extremely, extremely painful. a parent should only do something like that in the most severe of instances. this doesn't appear to be anything like that at all.

Answer 4

Thumbs up for taking interest in your Son's life.
That's always the first step.
Would I send him away, I don't think that packing him up to run from a problem is a solution it will only make more....in the long run.
Work as a family to solve this and be able to move to the next step together.
I would first talk to him. Find out how far things have gone and what measures he is using to protect themselves. (or if they are even that far at all)
AS far as the girls family goes, yes I would speak to them however I would wait until the waters have calmed at your home and get all the information possible before doing so.
I would also mention to the parents that you would appreciate their daughter respecting your rules. (the phone and whatever else)
Keep your rules let them know that you mean business and know that your teenager isn't the only one.......trust me.....been there.....
Keep faith

Answer 5

well, first of all do you like your step son? probally wish he was with his mom. step back and remember you married his dad and you knew he had ex baggage. now he is 16 and is almost a man i know soldiers in iraq at 19 and are killed for our country. now to move onto your problem, he is at a hard age, ask your husband how he acted when he was his son's age and i bet not too much different. the naked picture is not right, but it could be a drug pipe and its not. so sit down with him and talk to him like he's not a problem and discuss why you feel the way you do. and understand he is intitled to his privacy sometimes, and i would understand the bad things boys at 16 do, but sounds like your stepson is screaming for someone like his father, or anyone to put in front. remember he will be grown soon and gone, appreciate what is in front of you and try to help him. threatening to send him away is awful, would you like someone to threaten to send you away, no, so don't say or do something that you wouldn't want done to you. you are the adult and you should be the one to act like one and threatening is really immature. grow up and be his leader and send him into the world prepared to take a jouney that will last a life time. good luck to you and your stepson

Answer 6

I do think you should let the girls parents know what is going on. I also think that taking the phone away was a good idea. Good for you for doing whats right and not letting your son do what ever he wants. Good luck

Answer 7

I would suggest that you do let the girl's parents know what is going on. It's going to take their support to get the situation under control. It's not unusual for 16 year olds to push their limits. I would suggest you be pro-active and set up rules, and consequences, ahead of time. It would be a good idea to get into family counseling. A good family counselor can work with dynamics of the family and help to find good strategies for dealing with him.

Answer 8

The tension in this family now is not conducive to proper conversation
Let things cool down, get you son and girlfriend over for dinner, sit them and talk, don't quarrel and let them know how you feel. It would be advisable to get a third party in here, someone both of you ( son and parents ) trust.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

cut off his cell phone service.....atleast she had a jacket on...
they are kids...tell him once he gets his grades up he can have his cell phone back....there was a time before phones and kids were just fine. moving him will only create other poblems
Good Luck. He hardly seems unruly, if you go to the girls parents it will be trouble...try going to the girl she will be so embarrased she may just leave your son alone!

Answer 10

If that were my daughter, I would want you to let me know about this. Definitely tell her parents about this in a non-judgemental way (so they don't think that you are impying they are bad parents, etc.) Hopefully her parents are decent and maybe they can help you figure out how to handle the relationship going forward.