My 4 1/2 year old son is in junior kindergarten, half days mornings. He is almost always the last one ready to go from the class. He just messes around and distracts the other students. I have a short lunch and don't have time for that. I've tried rewards eg he can play for a few minutes if he is out sooner, but he doesn't seem to care. There isn't much else that I can focus on as he goes straight to the babysitters from school.
He is also talking back, being rude and throwing tantrums. Time outs and taking toys away aren't helping. He seems to have gotten overly sensitive to how we talk to him and assumes that we are being rude, yelling etc when we definitely aren't. He also says we are hurting him when we aren't (eg if he isn't sitting still to be buckled in his seat, he will say that I am hurting him). It's like he doesn't understand what he is doing is causing the problem. I am 27 weeks pregnant and I am having such a hard time dealing with this. My husband is helping as well.
2007-01-12 05:39:11 · 13 answers · asked by finding_my_dream 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
When he's happy, things are great, but as soon as he gets in one of his moods, watch out!!! He is going to be assessed in school (he is a bit disruptive there as well), but I'm not sure when that will be happening.
2007-01-12 05:43:24 · update #1
Who's nanny 911????
2007-01-12 05:43:49 · update #2
We don't believe in spanking. Also, parents get there children taken away here for just mildly spanking.
2007-01-12 05:44:56 · update #3
We can't get up any earlier in the morning. As it is, I have to get him up at 6 because his Dad has to be at work by 7 and it is too far for us to come back home after that. We have to use up time before he can go to school.
2007-01-12 07:05:17 · update #4
If we look at the cause of the behaviors it will be easier to see what we can do to change it. He has junior kindegarten this year, then straight to the sitters. He reacts emotionally to non-emotional situations, he has a new baby coming and by now, he knows or has some idea what's up. This is a lot of stress and it must feel like everything is too busy and spinning out of control for him. There are all those rules in school and all those rules at the sitter's and then you guys get home from work and are tired and busy. What he needs is some control over his own life, he can slow the pace down if he slows his feet down can't he? When he freaks about being told something, he gets the cuddles or at least a little sympathy right? Honestly, he really just needs some help finding his big boyness right now. There isn't going to be much you can do about your lunch hour (if you can get an extra 15 minutes it would help a lot though) but you can carve him a little time in other places.
Start your morning a little earlier, that way it isn't so rushed in the morning. Have him help you get ready for tomorrow at night before bed. Let him set the table before bed, then choose a cereal etc and set the box on the table. Have him choose a school outfit and maybe even a "play" outfit for the sitter's. Then he can have some control over the day. He may need some time to transition from school to the sitter's but you need to get going so maybe get a super special CD to play in the car on the way and enlist the help of the sitter. Have your son and your sitter plan a special something that is just between them for right after school (it really just needs to be some quick little thing like a handshake or a game), something for him to look forward to but that dawdling won't replace.
Maybe try getting out the camera and taking pictures of all his steps during the day so that he can have some responsibility in keeping things moving.
The emotional outbursts are easy enough to tackle if you remember that he needs a lot of extra touch because things are stressful now. He needs to be hugged and his hair ruffled and all of those things that we do in our quieter moments with our kids. What do you do when he is near you and you are just watching TV? Do you put him on your lap or give him a little kiss on the head? Do those things extra times. Make a point to touch him when you talk to him and especially when he would take it as yelling. If he is being rude, throwing a tantrum etc, don't give him the extra love but wait until he has calmed down. Don't be exaggerated, that would just be mean, but be consistent. No one wants to be kicked, hit or have someone yell in their face, so you wouldn't want to be cuddly when he is acting up. Keep it logical. As soon as he starts to calm himself (talking him through it can help, "Tyler, take some deep breaths and calm yourself down") give him a physical and emotional connect. Touch his shoulder and tell him, "You were pretty upset but you calmed yourself down very well, good job!" and then go about life as if nothing happened. If he claims you are hurting him when you try to buckle him in, then tell him to do it himself (do this when you have some time). When he starts to have trouble say, "Would you like some help? Sit back and I'll help you."
All in all, just try to step back as much as possible, he needs to find his place in his changing family and in his changing life. He needs loving reassurance and a lot of calm time. Respect him and what he wants and needs and he will come around.
Good luck
2007-01-12 06:55:53 · answer #1 · answered by Huggles-the-wise 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consistancy in taking away privilidges usually works. But you have to hit him where it hurts. If he likes playing with a certain toy, (cherished stuffed friends excluded, it would only show him that his heart can be broken and he won't trust you then) let him know that his behavior is inappropriate and warn him that inappropriate behavior will get his privilidge taken away. Next time he acts up, tell him that he won't play with the item for a whole day and night. If he gets the item back, then proceeds to act up again, take it away again...this time for 2 days and one night, and so on until he learns that bad behavior is rewarded with an unacceptable loss of priviladge. (sorry, bad spelling, someone should take my computer away from me until I learn better).
Sometimes a reward, loss of reward board is used if the child is a visual learner. The gold star board at school can easily be implemented at home. The fact that you are concerned with how he is acting shows him that even though you are working and preparing the family for a new member, he is still important enough to pay attention to. You have to be consistant. Most forms of disipline fail because of inconsistancy. A chore that he can accomplish might make him feel part of the loop again. Remember that if kids feel like they are being left behind, they will do something to get attention even if it's bad attention. If you and Dad are playing good cop/bad cop, get on the same page and decide to have a united front on the issue. Remember to give lots of hugs and kisses even if your son is being a little bit of a brat. Just catch him when he least expects it and show him that love is always constant. I know a mom whose son responds very well to the adage "I love you always, not matter what. I don't like you very much right now though" when he was being particularly bratty. Rewards should be left to praise and the occasional big reward for him being on his best behavior for a while. When he gets the hang of it and starts doing things without being told, then get rid of the little gold star board, and give him a real wall hanging that pronounces his good behavior, sort of like employee of the year. IF he goes back to the bad behavior, go back to the little star board and start again. The loss of his plaque is sure to upset him and let him know that good behavior is expected at ALL times with or without the board.
2007-01-12 06:05:30 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is letting you know that he doesn't appreciate your having another baby and being away from him while you work. Now is a very important time for you to step up and be assertive with him about the fact that you are his parent and he is not in charge. Spend as much time with him as you possibly can and assure him that you love him and that his place in the family is set - the new baby will not take his place. I'll bet that since he has been the only child for 4 1/2 years he has been "ruling the roost". He knows that when he complains of being "hurt" you respond with sympathy and regret. He is "playing you" now and you must be firm with him. Yes, I do believe in spanking - if he openly defies you then you must let him know that you are in charge and he must obey you. I'm not talking about beating him - I'm talking about a swat to the behind if he talks back or refuses to obey you. It is really vital to a child's sense of security to know that they are not in control, but instead someone else is watching out for them and taking care of them. DO NOT allow him to ever hit you!! You will give up any authority that you have with him if you do. I strongly suggest "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson. Don't forget to show him all the love that he needs - he is looking for the security that a loving and well-controlled parent can give.
2007-01-12 06:02:44 · answer #3 · answered by ilovetopharm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is probably another child in that class that is treating him the way he is starting to act- You should try and talk to him when he is in a good mood about other kids in the class and see if any of them are picking on him- Also since he is sensitive to the way you talk to him, maybe you should look into the teacher a little more, do some investigating about prior students in the class.
My daughter did not tell me until I got fed up with the teacher and pulled her out of class that the teacher would yell and even some times hit the students. She had started being very emotional after school, and pryed it out of her that there was another kid picking on her but she was scared to say anything.
Anyway, a lot of kids when they are being picked on, or hurt by an adult, will "take it out" or "mirror" it onto an adult they trust. again, talk to him when he is in a good mood and get him to try and explain things going on in school.
2007-01-12 05:49:30 · answer #4 · answered by allaboutme_333 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds a lot like my daughter. I have the perfect solution for you as far as the back talking goes though! Soap in the mouth!!! It works, I swear! I did it once and she didn't talk back for quite some time. Every once in a while, she will test her boundaries and I will pull out the bottle of soap and just show it to her, and she immediately apologizes and changes her attitude. It sounds mean, but it was the only effective thing I found.
2007-01-12 07:52:53 · answer #5 · answered by BimboBaggins 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We kinda have that problem with our 4 yr old. As far as the dawdling anyway. What I've done is in as many cases as possible I set a timer. If she beats the timer she gets a smily face on a paper and if she gets so many smily faces she get to go to the dollar store and pick out a toy. It has helped her move faster and enjoy what she's doing. Good luck.
2007-01-12 06:26:46 · answer #6 · answered by Melba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is his currency? That means what is important to him. Like does he love his tv and movies or maybe its a favorite teddy. What ever his currency is take it away until he starts behaving. If he really likes the item, and it's his favorite thing, his behavior will change immediatley to get that item back. In the future if he acts up you can use that as a threat and he will know you're serious. Good luck and God bless!
2007-01-12 05:53:40 · answer #7 · answered by lilmama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call Nanny 911
2007-01-12 05:42:28 · answer #8 · answered by Jet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
even as i grow to be 6 if I threw too huge of a in tremendous condition I wound up status in the nook with my nostril on the wall and a pink ***. i assume it did not artwork all that nicely notwithstanding because now i'm an old guy and that i nevertheless throw the occasional mood tantrum. @reachable pig, handcuffs are one length matches all...they fairly would were tight sufficient to reason the baby discomfort.
2016-10-30 22:27:57 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said you are pregnant right? well maybe he is acting this way because he feels like his whole world is falling apart knowing someone else is going to take his baby place. i think that you need to take him somewhere where you two can spend some time alone and maybe talk things over. Try to have a 'big brother talk.' with him. good luck.
2007-01-12 05:48:49 · answer #10 · answered by molly_tony 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋