My Boyfriend is abusive to me he has ahistory of unemployment, he is controlling, he beats me physically & emotionally. he makes me feel bad about myself, he has forced sex on me, he as been charged with rape before but was found not guilty. He is so agressive yet he claims he loves me, he has days where he is just flat out mean & rude anything triggers him if I dont move fast enough he will bend my fingers. he never gotten me any gifts he has a lot of negative comments ( then he says he is just joking) about me...last night I got it really bad over nothing in my opinion, he overreacted as usual, noe he says we can go to counceling he wants to work it out. What type of counseling does he need? How can he change? he says he feels bad about beating me because it was not right. How can a person change how can I help him become a better person?
2007-01-12 05:05:29 · 10 answers · asked by $D*Da*Spoild*1$ 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Girl, this is the hardest question I have seen all day. First of all you can't change him only he can do that. He needs a lot of counseling starting with Anger management! Honey, in my experience if he is abusive towards you and after wards says I'm sorry, I didn't mean too, I will never do it again, or I love you baby forgive me, he has no intentions of changing and or maybe he is not able too. I don't care if he says he is willing to go to therapy unless he puts fourth the effort and finds help himself it will not get better it will only get worse. And be careful and think about your own health mental and physical. You are only giving' one body and one shot to take care of it, PLEASE don't let something you can prevent happen. Go to the following link and I hope you can find help there. My prayers are with you be care full and love your self!! www.snbw.org and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm
2007-01-12 05:16:41 · answer #1 · answered by myfamilyiseverything 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing you can do to change him. it is not your fault he acts this way, it is his fault. remember, every person is responsible for their own actions. nobody makes you do anything, you do it yourself because you want to.
he will only change if he really wants to change. the outlook is not good. in my opinon, this is a hopeless cause, and he will never change. only you will have to change each time, because he will beat you up and put you down enough, and you will have to hold your tongue while he verbally abuses you if you want to live.
if you are going to stay with him, one way to change him is when he beats you up, call the police and have him put in jail. this will deter him from beating you for a while. although i do not think you should even stay with this person 5 more minutes, i feel you will. i have put up with alot, but you mention rape, that is something i would never put up with. that is going too far.
he needs to see a psychiatrist, because of his problems, medicines might help and he needs intensive therapy, at least once a week. something or someone has probably caused him to be this way. you might want to consider a marriage counselor, whether you are married or not, because you will both need to go, although he is the one with problems.
sometime you should watch a talk show, where women like you show how their lives end up, or they have already been killed by their abuser, and their mother is there crying and showing a photograph of her daughter who was literally beat to death by her boyfriend. another one, sister talks about her older sister, who was stabbed 55 times with a butcher knife by her crazy husband. husband cuts up wife's face cut up until it was disfigured and the women needed plastic surgery but look like a monster. entire family, wife and two children, murdered with a shotgun because the husband had a fit of rage. if you are not careful, this will be you.
please leave this person. you cannot change him
2007-01-12 05:55:47 · answer #2 · answered by christinedaae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what your problem is. Yes your problem!!!! Your addicted to him. You think you can't live without him, you think your in love with him. You CAN'T change him. He won't change until he really wants to. I know you won't do this, but LEAVE!!!! If you don't have anyplace to go, then call your local church and ask where there is a safe house and if they can help you get there. Leave him a note. Tell him you'll be checking up on him and if you see that he is serious about getting help "by getting help" Then and only then you'll think about coming back. Tell him if he loves you, then prove it by getting help so he doesn't kill you. He probably says your dramatic and over react. Your not over reacting. This sickness only gets progressively worse and more often. So think about it, what would be worse than what he did last time? Because if you stay, that's what you have to look forward to next time.
2007-01-12 05:16:21 · answer #3 · answered by JENNIFER M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To begin with you really have to look at all the acusations you are saying. Because most of what you have stated is abuse. PHYSICAL MENTAL AND EMORTIONAL. It is good he is now looking for help but is he the ony one that needs counseling? This is a vicious cycle that you are in and i would not be suprised if there is a history of violence in your past. There are many resources available for you and you should start with looking for anagency that is willing t work with you on a sliding scale or even a non profit agency that can help you with Domestic Violence.
2007-01-12 05:17:55 · answer #4 · answered by Craig 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you love him, he loves to abuse you! Not the same thing. If you had a dog that you fed and cared for because you loved him, and when you tried to pet him, he would bite you, would you keep him? If you say yes, then there is no hope for you! Your boyfriend is that dog, you need to let him go. He won't change, but you will!
2007-01-12 05:16:44 · answer #5 · answered by T C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is NOT going to change. Get out of that relationship. This is not even a question.
Get out. Staying tells him that you LIKE being abused.
Get out and get your OWN counseling....not with him. He doesn't not love you or even LIKE you.
2007-01-12 05:09:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I already know your not ready to leave this man. You don't know how. what you need to do is leave him even you think you are not ready do it because this man is not going to change even if he goes to counseling he need to do it him self girl you need to get out of the relationship with the crazy man he going to hurt you so bad that is going to be to late to leave if you stay there you will be 6 feet under, don't wait do it. get help for your self because you only thinking to help him and you not thinking about you when a man put there hand on you that it you need to report him to the police don't let that men hurt you anymore and don't let him call you names, girls there other man that can make you happy and appreciate you as a woman leave his sorry a s s. and remember he is not going to change that just the way he is. GET OUT OF THE LIFE BEFORE IS TO LATE. and one more thing when a man force you to have sex that consider rape and since you know that his being charge with rape why are you still there with tha loony man. and if you don't do anything i guess that the life that you like to have because he is not even your husband is your boyfriend. Girl and if is about the d i c k you can find it any were don't let that hold you back LEAVE HIM. But I know your not going to leave. You haven't had enough yet. It sounds like you feel sorry for him. And I hope your not blaming yourself for the way he acts.The way this person going to change is for one himself, you can't change a person like that. And why should he for him its to much work and to him your not worth it. The way this man going to change if you leave him. Your doing more harm to him by staying. Do you realize that? Some one has to break this cycle and guess what its going to have to be you. I believe one day you will leave. And your going to realize all the baggage you been carry. The longer you stay the more older your going to feel and the stress you carry in the inside of you is going to catch up with you. One day your going to look in the mirror in find yourself looking old. I know your saturation all to well. I was in your shoes. And don't tell me I bet he cheats too. And all that pain your gaining . Its going to be for nothing. This type of relationship don't last. Either your going to get out first or he going to leave you for someone else. And your going to realize everything you put up with and all the time, your going to realize you did it for nothing. You need to work on yourself. You need to start reading self help books Dr. Laura C.Schlessinger has great books you should read ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives and she has a radio talk show on 640am Mon-Fri 12noon-3pm Southern CA time. Its all about relationships. You need to start somewhere. Because your relationship is not going to get better. You really need to focus on you. He does not respect you. He can do what ever he wants to you. And YOU allowed him too. A man will get away with whatever you allow him to. And sweetheart you allowed to much. I no I did the same thing. I wasted years. Trying to make it work. We even went to counseling, they made us the poster couple. It work for about almost 2yrs. Then after that he became his old self again. A leopard don't change there spots. They can only camouflage there spots for a little while. Do your best on trying to get out. You need to prey to God to give you the courage to get out. You need help.
2007-01-12 06:19:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please get out!! He is a sick man!! He needs counseling and so do you. But, you cant do it together. Stay away from him. He is abusive to you. Learn to love yourself. You D-serve way better than that.
2007-01-12 05:23:33 · answer #8 · answered by JoeBob 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He might not change but an antidepressant might possibly help. It would help him with his temper for sure. He doesn't need to be depressed for it to help. He probably has a lot of anxiety.
2007-01-12 05:21:19 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Send him to jail. Hopefully, that will cure his abusive behavior. The old dog!!!!!
2007-01-12 05:14:12 · answer #10 · answered by LEELEE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋