Discipline ideas that will modify behavior in ADHD child, PLEASE?

Question

My stepchild is 7, and she is out of control and recently diagnosed with ADHD. Nothing works at school or at home to get her to behave because she sees every consequence as an opportunity to goof off, create chaos, and get one on one attention from adults and peers. Every time I give her a new "punishment" for doing the "wrong" thing... she finds something to enjoy about the "punishment", and I have to brainstorm about what else I could take away.... make her do.... that will keep the unwanted behavior from happening. If she enjoys the "punishment", it won't deter the unwanted behavior, and I will have extended an enormous ammount of MY OWN energy for nothing, and the unwanted behavior will continue.

Can anyone please help me with ideas for consequences?

She was just put on Adderall, and we're waiting for the effects to begin.

If I give her a book to write, "I will not push my brother down the stairs" 20 times... she will complain the first few times this was administered, and then she will BEG to write in the book later. "Can I write.... I will not lie to mom.... in the book 15 times?" And she will sing and smile and whistle while doing it. It is no longer a "punishment" when she enjoys it.

She now LOVES cleaning. She get's excited when I ask "who wants to empty the dishwasher?" or, "I need help cleaning the bathroom sink... who's gonna do it?" They fight over which one GETS to do which task. This is great, but won't work for a "negative consequence".

Answer 1

I think that the first thing that you need to do is further educate yourself on what ADHD really is, and not focus on what you need to do to overcome it. I'd also rethink medicating her, and instead learn to use the aspects of ADHD to your child's advantage. Many believe the condition to not be a handicap, but simply a different way that some people learn. Consider the following passage....

"Although ADHD is considered a disorder, some view it in a neutral or positive light. Rather than assuming that ADHD is inherently negative, some argue that ADHD is simply a different method of learning as opposed to an inferior one. "While the A students are learning the details of photosynthesis, the ADHD kids are staring out the window and pondering if it still works on a cloudy day" (Underwood). The aspects of ADHD which are generally viewed negatively can be a potential source of strength, such as willingness to take risks. "Impulsivity isn't always bad. Instead of dithering over a decision, they're willing to take risks" (Underwood). Both a proponent and an example of this point is JetBlue Airways founder David Neeleman. He considers ADHD one of his greatest assets and refuses to take medication.[59][60] There has been little serious research into either the intellectual advantages it can provide, or into conditions which might be necessary for taking advantage of ADHD traits. Many professional counselors emphasize to persons diagnosed with ADHD and their families the perspective that the condition does not necessarily block, and may even facilitate, great accomplishments. Most frequently cited as potentially useful is the mental state of hyperfocus. Lists of famous persons either diagnosed with ADHD or suspected (but not necessarily known to have had ADHD) are numerous, such as Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and former Pittsburgh Steelers Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw, but currently lack scientific proof because ADHD was not a documented medical condition until its appearance in the DSM-III in 1980. Still, a wide body of evidence statistically points to numerous diminished outcomes throughout the lifetime of those with ADHD [1]."

I was diagnosed with hyperactivity when I was a child in the 80's, and have since diagnosed myself with ADHD in light of my own behavior. While it is responsible for some of my worst flaws, it also is responsible for my greatest strengths, and I'd never even consider trying to "overcome" it. My mind is able to work on a subjective level without sacrificing logic in the process. If you want an example, check out my answer to the question regarding the possibility of people perceiving colors differently. Adults with ADHD are the ones with cluttered desks that know where EVERYTHING is, and make some of the best doctors, technicians and professionals.

Answer 2

Have you started meds??? ADHD is like trying to hear a song on the radio that is not on the station... The meds will bring the station in tune... My son is ADHD and it is a struggle... He is also 7... Consistency is the key... Over punishing is the worst, but it is what we do when we are frustrated... Let her decide the punishment for her consequences by asking if she had a child that was doing what she is, what would she as a parent do?? This gets her thinking about actions/reactions and the relationship between them.. It isn't the best idea, but she sees that you are reacting to her actions.. Also, there are some things that you need to ignore.. I know as a teacher with Behavior Disordered children, sometimes you can't worry if they are not sitting with their bottoms on the seat to work... Just get the work done.. Adderol is working right now with my son- I like it because it only remains in his system for 24 hours and then it is gone- we don't do weekend meds and off school meds unless we are going somewhere.. This ensures he eats.. Now sleeping is another thing.. He is still up all night and into everything, but I am not wanting to give him something to sleep.. Being outside a lot and those activities help.. Good luck and pace yourself... Visit an ADHD website...

Answer 3

Okay I my son just turned 8 last week and at the begining of December he was diagnosed with adhd. He returns to the dr in a few weeks and we will start looking to medicate him. I have had countless issues with the principal at his school because she feels he has a behavior problem that has NOTHING to do with adhd. I have tried an award system to promote the good behavior and that doesnt seem to work. A few months back he had an altercation with another student and got sent home, appearantly the principal felt he also needed to write 300 sentences "I will not put my hands on other students." I did not find out about this until 4 weeks later when i was getting calls that eh wasnt doing his work. For sh*ts sake he ahdnt had recess in a month and he didnt have any time to let his brain just go so he started slacking in his work. He finally got the sentences done and since then his work isnt as much of a struggle but now he is having problems with relationships with other students because he was pulled from the social aspect of recess for so long. When it comes to an adhd child it takes alot of time and patience to figure out what will work for them. Fortunately my fiancee has had adhd and now as an adult still suffers from it. He has been able to give me really good insight on what goes on in his head. It has helped. Im not sure if you know anybody with the problem but I will say that there has been a noticeable change in him since I am able to better understand what is happening. Im not sure if any of this has helped but all I can say is each child is different and it will take time to figure them out. I knew i was up against an adhd child for some time now just hadnt had it diagnosed and went through alot of grief and battles but it has been getting better.

Answer 4

First of all, limit the energy you expend because you will only exhaust yourself and the stress will escalate. I don't quite get what you mean by her enjoying the consequence. I have an ADHD and I was against pills for kids till I was ready to do horrible things to him (kidding)! The doctor said if the child is constantly having negative social and family relationships, it is better to medicate. It does NOT zone them out as some people think if the dose and type of med is appropriate. It makes my kid able to focus on what he is doing and what people are saying instead of being out of control. At 7, the consequence has to be immediate, and fairly short term (like 1 hour no privileges) or whatever. I wish I could comment more but don't really get what you mean, as I first stated.

Answer 5

Why do you want to punish her?

If you believe that the problem is medical then the medicine should correct the problem.

If it is not medical then the medicine will have no effect. You should see results. The problem is that it may take 6 months to take full effect. You need to be patient with anti-psychotics. they don't work over night and they may need adjusting.

I find punishing people a waste of effort in most cases. The problem starts with them and it should end with them. You need to get them to want to control themselves.

As you describe it, she is reluctant to do punishments at first but after a while she sees them as fun. So if you teach her to control herself, to supervise her own actions, and not do things that are bad, then she will hate it at first and then come to love it in time.

In other words, you can get her to solve her own problem.

Meanwhile, get a second opinion on the drugs. I think children are being drugged for no reason these days. It is easier to send the kids to a pharmacist than to send them to a counselor, and it is covered by insurance policies. I think that is why doctors diagnose kids with ADHD a lot of the times.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

Sounds like she is craving any kind of attention she can get....which is common for ADHD. Her negative behavior will continue if you continue to feed it....hoping that makes sense.
I would play a reverse role on her and make a chart and notice every thing positive that she does.(give her goals, does homework, makes bed, helps with dinner, brushes teeth, cleans room, listens >>and you don't have to repeat) Reward with stickers and then after so many points giver a bigger prize decide these together...dinner alone with you at McDonald's or a trip out to get a sundae...try to make the prizes something that is one on one.
The more you pull the positive the more she will shine.
My son takes adderall and wow to the improvement...however we don't let him use ADHD as a crutch or a disability either...we printed a list of all the famous people that have ADHD and put it on the Fridge and we also talk about how lucky he is to multi-task.....:O) doing more things at once is a gift....if you are organized.

Best wishes

Answer 7

I work at a store called Fishing Pond in Waite Park MN and we have a book called "Empower ADHD Kids" published by Key Education Publishing Company, LLC auther Becky White. In our store it is $9.99 we get it from Carson Dellosa Publishing KE-804004 is the order number...you should go on their web site and see if it could help you. I don't know where you are

On the back:
Empower ADHD kids! will guide the regualr classroom teacher or parent in a step by step plan for teaching ADHD kids practival strategies for learning who they are, how they can "belong," and how to master learning and social competencies. It is vital that thes children not only be diagnosed and treated, but these children must understand and be taught how to deal with their own ADHD

When ADHD dids complete the activites in Empower ADHD Dids! they will also gain a strong working knowledge of ADHD and its characteristics. They will also have an understanding of the terminology needed to communicate their deliemmas, be given strategies for developing goal setting skills, and get a workingknowledge of coping skills. In short, they will be more focused, self-reflective, and able to monitor their own personal effectivenees.

Chaperts include:
defining ADHD
getting the facts
Dispelling old ADHD myths
learnind despite ADHD
coping in relationships
Celebrating what makes ADHD kids special

If I can help any further or you would like to order this book from us just visit our website and email [e-mail]
or me [e-mail]

carson dellosa will not ship an item that is only $9.99 i just checked. We have a link on our website that you can purchase it through.

Best of Luck

Answer 8

You just have to make sure that whatever dicipline you use, you follow thru with no matter how much she bugs whines complains, throws a fight. If you stick to your guns she will soon relize that you are serious. Also you might not want to here this but be careful of the medications you put her on. Aderall is know to be highly addictive!! It can also cause aggression and depression. Really look in to the meds you are giving her. Aderall is really seriose i would recomend against that there are other things that work. Espically when she is closer to teen and preteen ages aderall could be very harmful.

Answer 9

I can sympathize...my son went through this. First of all keep things structured and scheduled...it may seem aggravating at first but trust me, it is worth it. Time out is best for a child w/ ADHD and taking away of something special. Writing things like "I will be respectful when speaking to an adult" so many times is effective as well (she is a little to young for the essays that my son is now made to write but that works brilliantly!). By the way, she will act like she enjoys it even when she doesn't just to make you crazy!

Answer 10

The behavior of ADHD kids should be modified with Medication and not Punishment! That's like punishing a dog for pooping on the floor because you haven't let it outside in a timely manner. It's not a behavior problem that she causes on her own, and she has no viable control over it. Please get her some medical help and you will notice incredible changes for the better.