How do I get my mom to stop ragging on me about my house?

Question

My husband and I live in a 1465 sq. ft. house with our two kids, and my mom is constantly insulting the size of our house. We are doing the best that we can and we both work very hard. This is the biggest house that we can afford right now and everytime my mom comes over she insults how small the bathrooms are, she insults our furniture, she demands that we redecorate according to what she likes, etc... I don't even want her to come over anymore because I can't stand her comments. Suggestions????

Answer 1

Tell her its better than living in the gutter drinking your breakfast out of a paper sack. hahaha
Seriously, tell her you are happy and contented where you are. That is what is most important in life anyway.

Answer 2

Think back to when she was your age and just starting out, what did she have? If you can find that out then a gentle reminder of that may help. I know it is hard to see, but she is trying to be helpfull and feel usefull. She wants the best for you and needs to feel wanted. Just sitting down with some tea, and dreaming about the next house and decorating idea's would most likely make her happy and get you some peace. On top of that, if she continues you need to flatly tell her. Mom, this is the size house we can afford, we are happy here. Please do not mention it again. As soon as she starts with it again, quickly remind her it is not a topic you wish to discuss, she knows this is what you can afford. Nicely of course. Not in anger. As far as decorating, each time she mentions it, . You have two choices, listen to her for a few minutes, throw out your own ideas. Again, some dreaming and what you would like to do. Then thank her for the input and that those were really good suggestions. (whether they are hideous or not) This does not mean you have to use them. But it makes her feel usefull and wanted. If that does not work, then you have to resort to, Mom, this is my house and my life, not yours. It is harsh. But if the other does not work, it is what you need to do. Good Luck..

Answer 3

Tell her in no uncertain terms. If she insults you again regarding the size of your home, you will forbid her from visiting you and your family in your home.

Also, you might try: asking her - why does she do this insulting? (SEE IF YOU CAN KEEP THE ANGER AND IRRITATION OUT OF YOUR VOICE WHEN YOU DO THIS.) Maybe you two could go somewhere "neutral" - just the two of you - - and you could have a sit down talk with her and get her side of the story. It might really surprise you what she has to say.

Do you think it is because she might want to live with you one day and is aware that with the current size of your home, there is absolutely no way she could? (See if you can get to the bottom of her motives.)

Whatever - she is hurting you. You need to also find a way to stand up for yourself and put a stop to it.

Just because it is family, does not mean they have the right to abuse you.

Answer 4

Send her on a real estate goose chase. Tell her you have been thinking about moving and ask her if she would help you find a house (in your price range of course) that is any better or larger than the one you have now. She will eventually see that it is not as easy as she thought. And you never know, she might find something that really fits the bill. But either way she is off looking at houses and not there insulting you.

Answer 5

Yea, tell mom if she does not like the house to stay home. I can't believe that you are letting this woman, mom or not, insult your home. Honor thy mother and father only goes so far, especially when your mom is being such a shrew and insulting. I would be pretty blunt with mom, since she appears to be pretty blunt with you. Tell her if she does not like your home, then she can stay home. I would also advise her that if she wants to pony up the money for a new house, furniture and all the decorating ideas that she wants you to do, then fine. Don't let her walk all over you like that. If you can't do it, then have your husband tell her off and thow her out. .

Answer 6

Ask her sarcastically if she'd buy you a new house so she'd stop complaining. You can also tell her that you'd rather live wisely and only spend what you can really afford rather than live in a big house that you will end up paying till you retire.

And also tell your mother that at least you have a home! There are people out there who have less than what you have.

Tell her nicely to stop coming over if she hates the place so much too.

Answer 7

The real problem is not your mother, it's YOU. You still do everything just to please her and get her approval. If you believe in yourself and in the choices you and your husband make,you couldn't care less about negative comments. But you are not sure that your decisions were right!And your mother is doing it because you let her! That's a way to get your attention,reaction,tell you that you still need her... it's NOT about the house at all,and you know it!!!!
Grow up and she will stop this! Make her important in other things in your life. The more you push her away the more aggressive she will be. Anyway, she hate your husband,(she is telling you that he is incompetent-cant provide a bigger/better home)she is afraid that you will be hurt and she refuses to see you as an adult.
And you are her little girl as long as her comments insult you and therefore proving her right!

Answer 8

its hard to live in a small place and when people close to you rag its that much harder.try to get her to understand that is the best you two can do and that its hard to get any thing bigger right know with the kids and all.also they to have and open mind.maybe a little change in things in the house are not that bad,compromise with all three of you together to come up with some agreement.also let her know who bad its making you feel.she may not know.mother just want the best for there kids no matter how big they get.

Answer 9

Change the locks for $20 and don't tell her until she smartens up. Maybe you could complain about her cooking or maybe her hairdo being old and frumpy

Our first house was over 65 years old and needed lots of work BUT IT WAS OUR HOUSE. We worked hard and eventually got our dream house (after 15 years)

So, remember, it' your house and if she wants to help pay for all the new stuff and a bigger house, have at it.

Otherwise, "thanks for coming and don't let the door hit you in the butt as you leave."

Answer 10

My husband and I plus two kids live in a 750 sq. ft. house and we live in comfort, tell her at least you have a house not everybody does so you have made it that far. She should be proud that you are taking care of yourselves not depending on her to help. As for decorating it is nice that no two people have the exact same taste good luck to you

Answer 11

Hoboy, I can relate.

I understand that you probably do not want to hurt her and that telling her off will solve nothing.

I go through this with my mom AND mother-in-law and I am in my 50's!

After much though I realized I cannot change people, but I can change how I react. That is a bit to think about.

I changed how I reacted to negative comments and learned to let it go.

For example, she says your house is too large - try saying: yes it is large, but we love it. Using a nice tone then smile. For my own sake, I refuse to be dragged into the negativity soup.

There are probably some underlying issues for their behaviour, but I don't want to play that game and stopped it in its tracks - nicely.

I don't react to the button pushing any longer even if it really annoys me. I am too busy enjoying my life.

Cheers!