My husbands brother and his wife are upset with us. They say we copy everything they do. They lived together for about 4 years. Just about that time is when I met my husband. We started dating and had been dating 6 months when His brother got engaged and they had a 5 month engagement. About when they got married My husband proposed to me. We were in love and ready to get married only we waited a year to get married because we had to get the finances all lined up and it took us that long to find a church. Well ever since that time they have felt that we have been copying them. My husband and his brother both got houses around the same time even though his brother is 27 and my husband is 24. We got our dog first they got theirs and I wasn't upset. But they got a cat and we eventually got one too. They said we copyed them. See the problem is because they are older and are doing things first every time we do something they are going to say we are copying them. How should we handle this?
2007-01-12 04:41:36 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I just wanted to add that we live in west virginia and they live in michigan and we are still having problems.
2007-01-12 05:07:49 · update #1
Something else I couldnt' fit in, they are pregnant and due in April. But they told us they were going to wait five years to have kids. Well we wanted to start having kids right away and now I feel like we can 't or it would look like we are copying them. What do you think about that?
2007-01-12 06:15:07 · update #2
It should be a compliment to them if you admire something they have or do. What is wrong with that anyway? It doesn't mean you are copying. They are not the first people on earth to get married it's just what you do when yo are in love! I'm sure they didn't invent buying a house either, heck I bought a house, everybody wants to buy a house!!!! You can't do anything about jealously just learn to ignore it & try not to let it ruin your bliss!!! Just be glad you don't live closer it might be unbearable!
HEY IT SOUNDS LIKE "EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND" all you need is the nosey, bossy mother-in-law and the "RUDE father-in-law. Ha Ha!!!
If it is jealously there is really nothing you can do that won't make you look like the problem. If you say something you will be the one starting it & they will have something else to talk about. You will have to deal with it by just seperating and going your own way. Just get together for family stuff, I don't mean fued, just live your life without them breathing down your back all the time. You will be a lot happier without a bunch of nonsense on a daily basis won't you?
It sounds like the sister-in-law is jealous. She is probably nagging & gripping at him about it and he is really not caring one way or the other!!!!! Or maybe your husband & his brother have always had a jealousy problem? So it probably goes deeper than the copying thing, it is JEALOUSY!! That's gonna to be in everything you do 4-ever. Try doing something completely on your own first, I don't know like going somewhere or buying something without telling them. Just as an experiment. If something is said about it that just proves it's jealousy. Not your fault............
2007-01-12 04:45:16 · answer #1 · answered by char__c is a good cooker 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should get a life,this sounds like third grade stuff.Who says "Your Copying something" Is that some thing someone said to you or is this a figment of your imagination???Brothers are often very competitive but you ladies should just try to keep the peace and set example for these juniors.Think about it who really cares about "anything"that doesn't have a negative affect on others.Try this stand in a hula hoop and look around in that circle and see that is the only space one should be concerned with .We can not change what others think or say but it takes a better person to let it slide off like water on a ducks back!!!!!Good luck!!!Don't give a rip what others say and do as long as you know that is all that maters.
2007-01-12 13:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by mcnatt c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy, do I get this question; we have this in our family and here is our consensus...
First, you folks are in the same cycle of your lives where the choices you are making are normal for your time in life; this is sure to coincide with each others path. Second, rather than feeling like its a personal affront that something happens at the same time in your lives, embrace it as a joy! I bet there are a lot of folks out there (like me) that would give anything to have one more chance, one more moment to share in anything (even if it felt like they were copying) but I lost him to cancer.
Forever is a long time to be a family, family covers each others back and wants the VERY BEST for each other, why waste energies on looking for the negative when it could be such joy.
The "same things at the same time" really aren't the same, they are individually yours. Look at it this way, when someone copies you (perceived or real) they must see something in you that they admire, and it is a very nice compliment. Be the bigger person, overlook it and enjoy...life is too short to waste on tearing down others or allowing them to do it to you; help them understand so they can be their best too.
2007-01-12 12:57:54 · answer #3 · answered by OPTIMIST 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even if it may not be completely true that you're intentionally copying them, tell them that imitation is the highest form of flattery. When you love each other, it seems petty and stupid to argue about living "similar" lives, when you will always be different people. If God-forbid, something happened to one of you four, how significant would this be? Would this stop you from caring about one another? That is the perspective everyone needs to be aware of. Take them some white flowers and a white cake, and declare peace.
2007-01-12 12:50:21 · answer #4 · answered by Lola_Runs 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
they should feel flattered that you guys like some of the same things they do. I have a younger brother who always feels the need to compete with me and if that makes him happy that's a good thing. My brother and his wife had children first and I would tell him I am not competing in this race. Don't worry about what anyone thinks live and be happy
2007-01-12 12:51:58 · answer #5 · answered by little ragu 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they're jealous of you guys, why, I don't know. It might be something between the 2 brothers, but your brother in law is getting his wife all worked up in the process. I'm talking your standard sibling rivalry stuff from childhood, and they may never get over it. I know my younger sister and I had a very rocky relationship growing up, and even today I don't feel we're very good friends.
Probably the best way to handle it is for the 2 brothers to talk it out. They may have some unresolved childhood baggage between the 2 of them. But, you're also talking about 2 guys here, and that may never happen. You and your sis in law need to completely stay out of it. You should ignore any remarks they make, as best you can. If they're choosing to be upset with you guys, then that's their choice. Be cordial and polite, but you don't have to be best friends with these people. Don't lower yourself to their level, because it sounds like they're behaving rather childishly to me.
Best of luck to you, no one ever said dealing with in laws was going to be easy, did they? ;-)
2007-01-12 12:48:56 · answer #6 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would have to tell me that i was sorry that they felt that way and go on to say that you and your husband or doing things at your own pace.It`s not your fault that they feel your are coping them.One more i think i`s feel sorry for them that they though that way,after all your family and they should be happy for you know matter what your doing.Hope this helps.
2007-01-12 12:47:15 · answer #7 · answered by RosWell49 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the grand scheme of life, this is pretty petty stuff. Who cares?
You should either VASTLY limit your contact with them, or find a way to resolve this. Life is too short. Be thankful for all the good you have. Count your blessings.
2007-01-12 12:46:34 · answer #8 · answered by Alice laughing 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it they need to grow up. all of this nonsense about who copies who is stupid.all 4 of you are adults, and should be able to settle the problem by sitting down and talking.
2007-01-12 12:48:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them you're copying them because you think they have really good ideas. Or that you admire them and want to be just like them. That should douse their fire.
If that doesn't work just say something like "Waaaah".
2007-01-12 12:47:41 · answer #10 · answered by comet girl...DUCK! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋