Is it bad to wait to have kids?

Question

I'm 21 and I just got married recently. Adults in my family keep telling me I should have kids soon because the longer I wait, the harder it will be for me to conceive. As far as I know, having a baby is difficult after 30-35 and I'm not going to be 30 for another 9 years! My guess is the adults in my family (meaning my parents) are just pressuring me to have kids so they can be grandparents, even though they already have 4 grandkids. Is there any truth to this, that it is harder to have kids the longer you wait? Me and my husband are planning on having our first probably by the time I'm 24 or so, so that we can have our whole family by 30, but that's just what we are planning, we'll see how it goes. Anyways, we're not ready to have a child right now, both of us are still very young and have to settle things in our own lives. Also, I'm not using any birth control pills, just protection.

Answer 1

First of all, congratulations on your marriage and also on being savvy enough to plan your family with your husband.

You're exactly right. The parents are pressuring you because they want more grandkids. And that’s sweet, but that is their issue, not yours. You and your husband are being very smart in waiting a few years to have children. The first few years of marriage can be exciting but are also very hard for a new couple to adjust to. And adding a baby to that mix just makes it harder on newly weds. Plus, once you have children, your time with your spouse changes dramatically. You two deserve a few years alone together to have fun, travel, work on your careers, make love in the middle of the day, just do whatever you want. :)

And you're also right in that for most women, it does not become harder to conceive until after you turn 30, and more specifically 35. You've got plenty of time. So tell the pushy but well-meaning adults that you'll have kids soon enough but for right now, you're still practicing. Then smile and walk away. If they push it, tell them that you and your husband are giving yourselves time together before you add a child. Other than that, the more explaining you do, the more they'll ask. You don't have to defend your decision.

One other thing - if you REALLY don't want to have children for a few years, start taking some form of reliable birth control. Condoms are good for helping you keep you safe from diseases, but I personally know 3 lovely little kids who were all the result of broken condoms. The Nuva Ring as a wonderful form of birth control that's easy to use (once a month), completely flexible, inexpensive and has the same effectiveness rate as the pill, without a lot of the bad side effects that people on the pill sometimes deal with. See your doctor or Planned Parenthood for the particulars.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/birth-control-pregnancy/birth-control/the-ring.htm

If that’s not right for you, I urge you to look into something else that will allow you to reliably plan the growth of your family. Children are wonderful, especially when they’re expected and planned for.

Good luck to you! :)

Answer 2

Wait til you and your husband are happy to have a child (or two), when you are contented with life and more importantly, enjoying it, you will give your child the best possible start in life that it could possibly have. It is true that as you approach 40, it can be harder to conceive, but a lot of other things factor too - smoking, drinking heavly, stress. Tell you family to back off and concentrate on the grandkids they have already for the time being...... good luck!

Answer 3

Don't be pressured by your family. Do things on yours and your husband's timeline only. 30 is by no means too old to have kids and 24 is only 3 years away. Don't fall for the outside pressure. Do things by your own timeline. If you really want to wait for a family though I would get on some birth control.

Good luck! Sounds like you're some of the few young people who have their head on straight and want to get things in order before starting a family!

Answer 4

Harder to conceive? Are they Doctors? That is simply not true. Most of the women I know all had kids in early to mid 30's and had no problem. I even have several that had kids after 35.

I had children at 29 and 33. No problems. You should wait and enjoy your marriage for a few years before kids.

Answer 5

It is wonderful that you have chosen to wait. It really isn't as hard as people think it is. If you aren't useing an oral contreceptive now I don't think you should. My friend we'll call her SweetPea she stopped taking her birth control and she got pregnant a couple weeks later and she ended up losing the baby because of the hormones that were still running through her body. The hormones go through your body for 3 months according to her doctor after you stop taking them. Also my sister- in -law whom we'll call Aqua got pregnant while still on the pill! She stopped taking the pills immediately but she still ended up losing the baby. SweetPea is now a 5 month happily pregnant lady. But Aqua has yet to get pregnant again. We'll give her more time since it has only been a couple months.

Answer 6

It is not going to be hard to conceive at 24 in less you have health issues.My son and Daughter in law are waiting to have kids till they buy there 1st house there 21 yrs old.I mention Gran children to them But I know they want to wait and I am fine with this.They need and you need time to be Husband and wife and enjoy eachother.Start saving money now for the extra expense Open a savings account so when the kids to come and you need a bit of money you have a bit extra. Good Luck and Enjoy married life

Answer 7

Generally speaking, the longer you wait the harder it is, but yes, you're right, that will mostly just apply to women in their mid/late 30s. Age will not play a part in your ability or inability to have children when you're 24. Just make sure you keep up with your yearly pelvic exams/pap smears so any difficulties can be spotted early on (like PCOS or any other things that can lead to difficulty getting pregnant).

Answer 8

Setting aside your so called "Biological Clock" the worst thing you could ever do for a child is to bring it into a World where it's Parents were not ready to devote the time needed to raise the child.
Make sure you and your Mate have accomplished what you wanted to before you had children before introducing a child into your lives. No matter how much you love the child a measure of resentment for unrealized goals will surely affect your relationship with the child.
I speak from experience as the Son of a Mother who spent my entire childhood trying to find herself. Something She should have done before having me.

Answer 9

Enjoy your time as a couple and have fun. Have kids when you are ready. It is a big deal now a days to brings kids in this world. Do it when you feel its time, you need to be physically, mentally psychologically and socially ready. It's nice to have some money as well. Do not let anyone tell you what to do. When you are ready you'll know. Have a wonderful life and be good to each other and those around you.

Answer 10

it is defiently better to wait bcuz if u r not prepared for the child then it is more likely that u will not be able to give ur child the life u want to...my cousin got married at 22 but b4 having children, she made sure she was financially, emotionally and mentally prepared...now at 29, she had her first child..which is great bcuz now she can give him a good life. So, have a child when u think u will be able to support him or her and take care of him/her properly