My boyfriend of almost five years, has a problem telling me that he loves me. I know he does, he does a lot for me, he cares for me a lot and treats me like a princess, gets me everything I want, but he wont tell me he loves me. I mean if i say it to him, he will say it back but he wont deliberately tell me he loves me. Everytime we get in that conversation he gets really defensive and tells me how much he does for me, and that it should tell me how much he cares. He also told me that he always has had problems expressing his feeling to others, and I understand but after so many years together come on! It just kind of hurts me that he can't take that next step. what can I do?
2007-01-12 04:07:18 · 16 answers · asked by Muahh!!! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well girl you want the truth?? Well here it is regardless.The thing is, in life in most cases its so much easier for people to say things they don't really mean than to actually do things that prove they do.I think you are being fixated on the fact of the "word" love more than all of it that you really have.
What would you rather have? A man that blows sunshine up your backside with all his charm and charisma and in truth is messing with 3 other girls behind your back,Or your man who regardless if he is verbal or not,has the heart and soul to prove it to you??
Get off the Idea of something and focus more on the reality in front of you.
He is who he is and trying to change him is only going to end up giving you less of something rather than more of it.He takes you for you,Now its your turn to realize this and do the same for him.
Good luck and stop thinking too much.
2007-01-12 04:16:24 · answer #1 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 years is a long time, but you can't rush love. To him and a lot of other people now days saying "I love you" is an empty phrase with little or no meaning. perhaps his past relationships have failed because he rushed into using those three little words that mean so much to some and nothing to others. I agree with him to a point, actions always speak louder than word sweetie!! He is there for you when you need him, he treats you well, isn't that enough, will those three words really solidify your 5 years of dating? I would have to say no. It sounds like you have a great guy, be thankful for that and don't pressure him so much about saying I love you!
2007-01-12 04:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by voodoo_lover_23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear it but I'm also like that myself. I cannot express my feelings to others. I don't even tell my parents that I love them. I cannot say "I love you". I don't tell it to my friends or boyfriend. It's just a guard that is very hard to drop. No matter how much at ease you can be with someone, that is just something that they cannot do.
2007-01-12 04:12:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know somtimes we like to hear the words but honestly, talk is cheap!!! so if you can SEE that he loves you by his actions then i wouldnt worry about it. some people just dont express emotions and ALOT of guys dont like to say those 3 words.. doesn't matter if they do, they think if they show you it should be enough, and honestly it should after all actions do speak louder then words.
if i were you i wouldn't get into it with him. he will say it when he is good and ready and if he's not there is nothing you can do but know he already does. you cant pressure someone into something like that it'll just drive them away.
2007-01-12 04:16:41 · answer #4 · answered by browneyedncrazy119 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey listen to what you are saying here. Take this advice with and open heart and open mind. If he is doing so much for you, you should be so ever grateful for that and treating you like a princess. Actions speak louder than words. So he may not have a hard time "showing" you which it does not look like it at all and you should know in your heart of hearts that this is how he is really "telling" you I love you by showing you which I feel is the best ways. Talk is cheap and although you would love for him to burst out of no where and say I love you with out you having to say it first, just remember the next time he does something nice to or for you that is his way of saying it ( I hope that makes sense) so listen more with your heart even thought you may want to hear it with you ears. Take this how you want but he is telling you I love you in his own way. Try not to argue with him on this b/c he does say the words I love you back and he knows you want him to say it first and maybe one day he will but try not to push him cause it will only draw him further away from actually saying to you first. I hope this helps and it sounds like you both have a very good relationship. Good luck.
2007-01-12 04:24:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry about it personally....look at it this way...
Would you rather have a guy say "I love you" and then be a horse's @ss in all other respects, or a guy who doesn't say it, but actually "shows" you by his actions.
Some guys (like me) think that words are pretty meaningless unless you actually put some effort behind them.
2007-01-12 04:11:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accept him the way he is. Some people, for whatever reason, are just not comfortable saying "I love you" and chances are he is not going to change.
If your boyfriend's behavior towards you is kind and loving, understand that that is his way of expressing himself. Actions do speak louder than words.
2007-01-12 04:13:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
five years is a long time wow i am shocked he should feel comfortable around you enough now even he has hangs up on not expressing himself from here on its up to you really what those it mean to you for him to say it and if that answers outways the relationship and everything else then you need to question why your together otherwise dont babes if he treats like you said he does and he says he loves you when you say it its not really that big of deal just chill us women we think to much just love him and enjoy that its such a beautiful feeling being in love be fortunate enough its been this long and he still treats you like a princess...
one thing i would say is try and see where he sees es future with you be cool about dont act like your interegating him a light hearted passing question be sligh if you have to see whats his thoughts are on long term commiment to many people get invovled in realtionships without knowing what the other believes in marriage kids etc...learn more about him his wants needs pass life he well soon open up
2007-01-12 04:17:55 · answer #8 · answered by Happy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
suggest couples counseling to him. there may be something in his past holding him back from being able to be intimate and expressive. buying things for someone you love is not the same as showing them you love them and he needs to learn the difference. tell him you really need to do this with him so the two of you can work on better communication with eachother. GOOD LUCK!!
2007-01-12 04:15:58 · answer #9 · answered by onyx maiden 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stop pressuring him over something insignificant....stop telling him what he "should be saying"...let him be himself....he's a guy, they arent like us girls....he wouldnt be with you for five years if he didnt love you....just lay off the dude...if he's a good guy, dont mess with his head by over complicating things like women often do
2007-01-12 04:13:08 · answer #10 · answered by j c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋