My friends Brad and Paula have been divorced for the past two years. I have spent time with Brad recently and realized that I have feelings for him. I want to ask him out. I want to tell him exactly how I feel. He has even hinted at having a relationship.
The thing is I don't know how all of this is going to effect Paula. She and I have been friends since we were children. She says she has no more feelings for him and even has a new boyfriend. But part of me tends to believe that she will be VERY angry with me if I decide to start dating her ex.
Do I tell Paula that Brad and I have gotten close and are thinking about dating one another? Do I just go out with Brad and have a good time? Do I just put these feelings aside and find someone else?
I really really like Brad and I know that he has shown that he has feelings for me. I just don't want to hurt Paula.
I guess what I am trying to say is I want a relationship with Brad--but I don't want it to hurt my friendsip with Paula.
2007-01-12 03:46:54 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to talk to Paula before you do anything. Remeber the girl code from highschool...Friends never date your exes. Good Luck!
2007-01-12 03:50:49 · answer #1 · answered by buggyx2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are that close with Paula you have to put her feelings first with this one. That doesn't mean you can't ask her what she thinks about it. Tell her you and Brad ran into each other and there were some definite sparks. Find out how she feels on the matter. It's a general rule that ex's are off limits for life but if she can be totally honest with you and she doesn't mind than you should pursue it. But truthfully, I doubt she'll be fine with it even if she says she is. The further your relationship with him progresses the more problems she might end up having and then it would be really hard to end it with Brad because you'd be so attached. If you sense that she has a problem with you pursuing Brad just tell her you don't know what you were thinking, maybe you just need to get laid! And try to laugh it off as a joke.
2007-01-12 03:52:42 · answer #2 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to Paula first. I know love happens, but this is deep and are you really in love or lust with Brad? This will definately strain your relationship with Paula if you and Paul even decide that it is not what you thought it would be, then what? Paula will look at you differently and think who else of hers are you going to want. I find it odd that you would want your best friends guy, that is why I think it is just lust. You owe it to Paula to be up front and honest with her, so that she doens't find out some other way, like running into you and Brad out on a date. And, don't get upset with her if she gets mad with you, she has a right to be. Be careful with Brad as well, are you sure that he is interested in a relationship or just a one night stand?
2007-01-12 03:54:10 · answer #3 · answered by notnew2U 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you can talk to her about it. if you think hes worth it.. if you think he is worth it and you see something actually happening between you and brad , then please talk to paula. just talk to her. and then see what she says before you decide anythin. and then you have to think about well if she says NO and that makes me angry are you going to be the friend that sticks with your friend or will you go run and be with brad. there are so many questions with this answer. well why did they get divorced, how long were they married, are there kids involved... if you go behind her back... she will never forgive you....or maybe she will but it would be a long time, and a trust issue.
2007-01-12 03:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by sm81206 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that you have feelings for Brad and he has feelings for you. That there is all you need. Because you have stated that Paula has moved on and has no feelings for Brad tells me that she may not care if you and him start dating one another. Her lose is your gain girl.......GO FOR IT.
2007-01-12 03:57:41 · answer #5 · answered by Jerrie's Daddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can NOT have both. Obviously, this depends on the people, as everyone is different in the way they feel about things. In a normal environment, you are contemplating what is considered a major taboo. You will need to decide which is more important to you, the friendship or the relationship.
You can try to sit down and discuss the situation with your friend. BUT be advised, if the friend gives their blessing, it may still have an impact on your friendship.
Best of luck.
2007-01-12 03:55:31 · answer #6 · answered by last_of_the_romantic_men 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
another typical senario where the best friend goes behind her friends back and ***** around with the ex. Why do women do those things? its not like Brad is the only man in your area, you should have never even thought about hanging out with him. what kind of friend are you? and why would you want your friends leftovers? that is just disgusting. maybe your friend doesnt have feelings for him anymore but i guarantee if she finds out about you and her ex she will feel betrayed and never talk to you again. Grow up and go find someone else.
2007-01-12 03:53:58 · answer #7 · answered by Nikki C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't play one against the other. Which do you value the most? If Paula, then tell her about how you feel and that you'd like to see him . Otherwise it may prove to ruin a good frienship you have cherished.
2007-01-12 04:00:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough question, 1st I think it depends on why they got divorced. Cheating or just couldn't get along? 2nd is there kids involved that could make it even more weird. 3rd if she has moved on then just tell her how you feel about Brad, after all if you two are really good friends you should be able to tell her this and get her blessing
2007-01-12 03:51:35 · answer #9 · answered by workit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to discuss this with paula right now before things get further.
Think of it this way, you wouldnt feel like you were going behind her back. And she wont accidentilly find out later on what ws going on, and feel betrayed.
2007-01-12 03:51:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋