I don't know what to do. My daughter has been through a lot of changes in past year and half. I got remarried in Sept 05 and my husbands mother (who my daughter called grandma) passed away in May of last year. She still talks about missing her and dreaming about her. Now this passed Nov, she was blessed w/ a baby brother (which she's been asking for since before I got remarried).
About a month before he was born, she started getting in trouble at school - hitting, pulling hair, not listening, playing in the bathroom, etc. I've taken the tv away more than once now, we had many talks, I just don't know what else to do. This isn't like her. Everyone's always said how sweet just was and now she's being described as bossy, edgy, fussy, etc.
In addition to all the above changes, we're facing issues about her father - why she doesn't go his house more (his fault not mine although I'm his excuse), etc.
Anyone have any ideas? Should I get her counseling?
2007-01-12 03:27:42 · 9 answers · asked by reandsmom77 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
She gets attention, but I can see where she may still crave more one one one time. We're still learning how to juggle everything - work, homework, house work, and the baby. Our latest tatic for a reward is telling her she needs to earn her trip to Disney World (we're planning on going to FL in the next few months). It's just very fustrating not knowing what to do next. I do try to reinforce the good behavior (verbally, buying her a small toy, etc) and I always tell her how proud I am of her (she's made the Honor Roll again). But, when I ask her why she did something "bad" she says she doesn't know. I don't know if she just doesn't want to tell me or if she really doesn't know why she acts the way she has.
2007-01-12 04:16:35 · update #1
My daughter was an only child for 7 years. I had her baby sister 7 months ago. The first two weeks, my 7 year old was great, then it started. She started acting out. Her teacher asked me if anything new happened and I told her I just had a baby. She said she completly understood. She was also going through things with her dad too. I think she always got so much attention from me because her bio father did not give it to her she felt like I was abandoning her. We finally had a talk about how much a baby needs to be taken care of because they are not able to do it for themselves. I told her if she ever needed anything, I would be there for her. I also told her I had two angels. She was my first and the baby is my second.
Now I make sure my husband takes the baby for at least 1/2 hour to an hour at night so I can read to my daughter and just talk to her. This really has seemed to help. There are still times she tells me " You don't love me as much as the baby", but I let it go and tell her she is being silly and I love them both the same.
7 is a hard age anyways, but going through these things will make it more difficult. Something I have encorporated that has been a big help is the star calander. We put up a chart with the days of the week and I put different headings. Such as "I did not act up at school", "I cleaned my room", "I got ready for school in time", " I did all my homework", etc. For every one she did, she got a star. She loves this. When she gets two weeks in a row of stars, we go on a special "date". Toy store, movies, dinner. It has really helped turn things around. This way we get to spend more time together too.
2007-01-12 05:41:02 · answer #1 · answered by formetoknowandu2findout 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's easy, I have 3 girls ages 4, 7, and 10. All I can say is she is getting to that age. I would try this way before counseling.
The solution is simple although i doubt many have the nerve to follow through with it. Next time she pulls this behavior, take her to her room, pull down her pants/undies, put her over your lap, and spank her little bottom red. Some might think 7 is getting to old for a spanking, I disagree. I give more spankings over the age of 5 then under, why??? because a 7 year old knows right from wrong, when they break a rule, there is no doubt they knew what they were doing was wrong (not the same with my "just turned 4 year old). As we know girls can be quite sweet between ages 4-6, somewhere around 7-9 it starts to get very difficult, that is if you don't take care of it early. My 10 year old is much easier now after a very tough period during the ages of 8-9 (many spankings). The only thing is, never have your husband do them since he is not her father. Power up MOMMY!!
Good Luck
2007-01-12 22:10:06 · answer #2 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She has had allot of changes in her life and maybe she just doesn't have the mental skills to put them into prospective--her sadness--(grandma) the new baby which she wanted but didn't realize that your time would be shared--It sounds like she is in need of some one on one--specially because her father is not doing his part--That in its self will send a child into these sorts of problems--he needs to be notified and held responsible --he needs to make time --I know that you cant make anyone do this I too had this problem and the kids now grown look back and see that he just wasn't there--my daughter has a hard time with the men she has known in her life and I think its because of that missing Dad thing--The acting out is just a way to get attention and she will get whatever she needs even if its a bad attention--She is asking for contact to be loved to be noticed--Like when people come over and goo-goo over the new baby--remember it used to be her that they rallied around she was the baby sort of speaking--Any of this make since??
2007-01-12 03:57:26 · answer #3 · answered by skizzle-d-wizzle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Her behaviour has alot to do with all those changes she has experienced , she doesnt need counsiling she just has to have some 1 on 1 time with you, tell her grandma wouldnt like how she is behaving and you will tell grandma in your dreams when she is being naughty (you just have to get on her level of thinking), reward her when she has had a good day/behaved at school and she will soon learn that good things will come out of being well behaved
2007-01-12 03:36:03 · answer #4 · answered by lil_meex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound like counseling would be a good idea. Maybe a proffessional who is used to dealing with children could get her to open up a little about why she is acting out. Just continue to show her lots of love, and discipline is important. I hope she can talk to someone and stop acting out so much. I'm sure it's very frustrating. Family counseling might be an option too. Good luck!
2007-01-12 03:34:52 · answer #5 · answered by ANGEL 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have this problem with my 6 yr old. She is constantly sent to the office and flat out refuses to cooperate. One thing I have found that helps is promising to play atleast one board game with her at night if she has a good day at school. She so looks forward to having me all to herself. You have to be consistent. Don't make threats or promises that you can not follow through with. Another thing that works is joining a group of some sort for ex. gymnastics, girl scouts, dance, etc.
2007-01-12 08:25:27 · answer #6 · answered by InquiringMinds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever advice you choose to follow, remember this is normal behavior considering everything. Broken family, death, new baby all leave children craving attention. Quality time will definitely help, but try not to coddle or reinforce bad behavior.
2007-01-12 03:38:24 · answer #7 · answered by koyaanisqatsi12 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe try to speak with the guidance counsolor at her school, I have found with my son having someone at his disposal at school helps him. When you take a child to a counsolor it's on their time schedule.... if you get a good rapor with the school's guidance counsolor your daughter can "set her own appts.", when shes having a really bad day and such, plus it's less formal and more comfortable for a child
2007-01-12 08:23:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to get her into a play therapy group. Praise her for the good days and let her know how much her "being bad" bothers you. Sit down and ask her what's bothering her. My son was doing this and praising him for the good days and letting him talk to me and telling me what bothered him worked wonders. Also, I was told to try play therapy.
2007-01-12 03:34:04 · answer #9 · answered by ojibwechik 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋