My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. He's currently off at school, we have a long distance thing going. we see each other all the time and talk to each other and on we talk online. He came home for xmas and i was going through his things.. I probably shudnt of but anyways i found a pack of condoms in this school bag and they were empty. We dont use condoms . I think is messing around. Then he left his messenger signed in and i see and open window.. it was girl that i knew . So i started talking to her u know pretending that i was him and she started saying that she missed him and she had fun the other night at the party with him and the kiss that he gave her was nice. I was in so much tears after finding all of this out. I still havent confronted him as yet, cuz i want to go about it the right way. I went to the doctor for testing for std diseases.. I'm awaiting my results at the moment. What shud i do... How shud i confront him about the condoms in this bag?
2007-01-12 03:27:21 · 34 answers · asked by Kittykat_diva69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
just tell him straight up how you feel
2007-01-12 03:31:13 · answer #1 · answered by Brooke H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the little voice in your head is saying that you don't trust him, then there is probably a reason. He is probably having sex with other women(or men). If, he is cool, he will have a believable explanation and also check out his body language, this can be a good indicator also. I am an airline pilot and have had sex with many women. I currently have a lovely ladyfriend. She found some old condom packages. I don't remember where they were from but I told her honestly, when I am in a relationship, I am 100% faithful, when I am free, I am pretty much an opportunist and being a guy, I don't really keep track of or number my condoms so if you find any they are old. She was cool with answer, that is because she trusts me and I trust her, and she is a good lady(she is 26)
2007-01-12 03:36:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just come out and ask him if he has cheated on you while at school? see what he says, this way you have evidence. The empty condom box and the girl saying that the kiss was nice, he will have no where to go with it.
Long distance relationships can work but both people need to be honest with the relationship. Trust is very important, if you don't have trust you can't have a relationship. I wish you the best and hope he can be honest with you after all you deserve honesty after being together for years.
2007-01-12 03:34:35 · answer #3 · answered by workit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for getting tested and I hope all that works out okay. You obviously need to dump this loser and fast before he can cause any more heartache to you. He is untrustworthy and a cheat will always be a cheat. When you do confront him he will try to turn it around on you because you went through his things and spied on his IM's. But stay strong and let the blame stick on him. He's the one that's cheating and you obviously had good reason to snoop. Always trust your intuition! Then just tell him he f u c k e d up and lost the best thing he ever had and he'll never get it back even after he realizes how wrong he was. Tell him you've been true to him and wasted the last five years of your life on him but you wont waste one more second. Tell him what you discovered and tell him not to even bother trying to lie his way out of it. Then walk away.
2007-01-12 03:37:36 · answer #4 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may be difficult to question his integrity, while you might question your own by the way you have handled this situation so far. In a mature relationship, people talk things out, and obviously your relationship with this guy isnt about trust or communication. While he is off to school he and you should be pursuing all options and concentrating on your futures, and not pretending that all is the same as if you were close. You called him fiance, meaning you plan to marry. Is this how you will communicate in your marriage?
Talk to him, tell him how you feel, give him a chance to respond before you find him guilty, and deal with what happens next, more maturely.
2007-01-12 05:16:49 · answer #5 · answered by renegade_dancer5678 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really really do feel for you, and you've made me worry as me and my man have been doing the long distance thing for quite sometime now.
I think you should ask him if there is anything he wants to tell you, don't just come right out to him with what you know, just ask him if there's anything you should know, give him a chance to explain things, if he says that there's nothing, them stay calm and ask him to explain the condoms in his bag, and if he starts about the whole 'what were you doing going through my things' thing, tell him that he is your fiance and you have a right to know whats going on, ask him again calmly about the condoms, and see his explanation for that, if he says they're nothing or he didn't know about it, then tell him you know he's lying, if he tells you the truth or something you know you didn't want to hear, then ask him if there is anything else (messenger) if he says no, tell him you know he's lying once again, and tell him what you know and how you feel. I cannot tell you to leave him as i know that this is probably one of the hardest things to do. He's obviously not one to be trusted and you probably deserve much better.
Good luck i hope things work out for you!
2007-01-12 03:55:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first thing, imagine what if he wouldn't be using condoms at all? eh? what would you do if you found out one day about some std disease? eh? and second of all, ALL men have at least one condom "pret a porter". It would be stupid not to. because then we would all get one disease or another :)... a condom is to a man, what napkins are to you. so stop for a second and think. mabye he really went "bad boy" and fooled around with another... but from one kiss while probably drunk to 100% sex with someone else, there's a long way... probably (and i really mean it would be a good thing) you should confront him about the call (only that you did another bad thing by pretending to be him... hmm if i come to think about it better, don't mention this part, because his trust in you will shatter... ) BUT if you mention the condoms, he'll laugh in your face, and probably tell you what i've told you before...
Take care& bless you
2007-01-12 03:36:41 · answer #7 · answered by gciochina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I certainly wouldn't worry about his reaction. What do you mean, you "think" he is messing around. Those condoms are there for a reason... he's having sex. He is unfaithful in an exclusive relationship with you. Don't mention the condoms. Just tell him you have proof that he has been unfaithful, and you can't accept that. And don't!!! You need to come to grips with the fact is, the long distance thing is not working out as you had hoped. You are being faithful, and you know he is not. Why settle for that? Pull yourself together, and just tell him. Be ready for excuses and lies. He wants his cake and wants to eat it too.
2007-01-12 03:36:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello friend, you must be going through a tough time. u certainly have to talk to him abt it. it is not an easy matter to let go. i dont think you should confront him with anger or rage. calmly but firmly you have to talk to him abt ur doubts. he may deny it. wait for the right time to talk abt the condom pack and the other girl. That may catch him off guard and he may accept it. butgive him a chance to speak out his mind. you need to consider his response and stand abt the whole issue seriously. u need to think seriously abt the future of this relation. proceed with this relation only if you are 100%sure taht your trust on him is well placed.Because after loving him deeply for 5 yrs, you dont deserve such a rebuff. you too were staying away from him but u never felt like cheating on him. i know it sounds harsh, but it is god's will that you go through this rough patch, he may have something better in store for you. as for the test results, it may be nothing serious. let us hope for the best. take care
2007-01-12 03:40:41 · answer #9 · answered by lilac4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to be calm about it. I know it's devastating. But if you just say, "I know you've been cheating on me. Please don't insult me by trying to deny it." Then perhaps he won't immediately start with the lies. Tell him you had some suspicions and you found the empty condom package and that you also talked to one of his "girlfriends." Let him know this is not something you will put up with in a relationship. Then end it. If he's truly sorry, he will try to make it up to you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but once a cheater....And, will you ever trust him again? How can you?
2007-01-12 03:33:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have confronted him. Obviously he is having a thing going with someone else. But don't fight over that with him nor with the girl. That's a pleasure he doesn't deserve.
Next, start dating and meeting new people. You will eventually find someone who will really respect you and love you for the great person you are.
2007-01-12 03:36:44 · answer #11 · answered by David G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋