I am going to be 24 yrs old and my young uncle he is almost 16 yrs old.He lives with me and my husband currently and i grew up with him because my parents took him in.He became to much of a hassel for them though throwing fits so he came to live with me.As a person he is very shy and quiet only recently coming out of his shell this year.He has problems expressing his emotions the correct way.Anyway i am having a hard time being a parent because i feel like a hypocrite if i tell him not to do something we both know i did?Especially when it comes down to dating, sneaking out,cutting class and partying.I turned out okay and graduated from highschool and went on to graduate from college but only by the skin of my teeth!
2007-01-12 03:14:08 · 6 answers · asked by Nicole S 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I do have a child of my own but she is only turning 2 yrs old so i way out of my league on this one!
2007-01-12 03:14:41 · update #1
Stop being a friend. Kids have friends and can always make more. They can't do that with parents, and parents are more necessary. Step up, be a parent.
2007-01-12 03:37:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of parents deal with this issue -- how to tell their children not to do the same things they did. Especially when the actions didn't hurt them permanently.
You are at an advantage, I think, because of the smaller age difference between you and your uncle. You will never be a parent-figure to him -- I wouldn't even try -- but you can be a big sister. And a big sister is fun, and honest, and loving but not preachy.
Start by telling him that you love him. Then I would make any suggestions or warnings that you want to make. Be respectful of the fact that they are his decisions, and his life, but that you want to share the wisdom of experience.
If it seems appropriate, tell him that just because you survived something, doesn't mean it was a good idea. I mean, people survive abuse and sometimes are okay afterwards, but that doesn't make it right does it? Tell him that you want him to go forward and make his own mistakes, not repeat yours (best to say this with a smile).
2007-01-12 03:25:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off you have to be his parent not his friend. When he is 18 and out of your house then you can be his friend. I think that is were so many kids are getting screwed up these day's parents so worried about hurting a child's feelings, not being liked or being a hypocrite. It is your job to make sure he does right and its your job to make sure the mistakes you made as a child aren't repeated by him {as best you can}. I raised my sisters two boys now age 15 and 16 and she always tried to be their friends "when" she was around and Ive always told them I am not their friend I am the adult when they are grown we can have a different type of relationship but right now they do as I say and follow my rules I'm not their friend and wont be for a few more years. Some say I am to hard on them, but if I am to hard on them why am I the first person they turn to when they need to talk or are in trouble not their mother who they now live with
My mother always told me growing up "you will have many friends in your life just one mom and dad" step up and be the mom {or parental figure in this case}
2007-01-12 05:53:52 · answer #3 · answered by **Damn its cold up here** 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you could explain to him that even though you may have done these things they weren't the best decision you ever made and maybe you can compromise, I don't think dating is an issue, sneaking out you can talk about, cutting class shouldn't be done period, and partying can be limited for weekends. My dad let us for the most part make our mistakes and I feel that the freedom allowed me to do realize that you don't want to do what you want all the time. Good Luck!
2007-01-12 03:21:30 · answer #4 · answered by mdoud01 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am the mother of three daughters. I believe that you can either be a mother to your children, or you can be their friend. I do not believe that you can be both, not until their grown and out of the house, perhaps. But, as long as you are responsible for setting the rules for someone, disciplining them, and guiding them, how is it possible to do both. How can you discipline a friend? Be a parent to this child now, and you will be friends later. Try to be his friend now, and he won't allow you to be his parent when you need to be.
2007-01-12 03:29:25 · answer #5 · answered by sleepingbeauty123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are only a hypocrite if you still do those things you warn him against.
What you've done is called learning from your mistakes, and sharing those lessons with him.
You've got your work cut out for you.
Good luck.
2007-01-12 03:22:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋