Doubting your parenting abilities?

Question

How often do you have moments of doubt or the thought that you're just not cut out for it? Are you ever so tired that you're just not yourself - scattered and/or keyed up a and just trying to keep it together?
Don't misunderstand, I'm not on the verge of a breakdown or depressed or anything, and I love my daughter beyond words. I give her everything she needs not to mention boatloads of love...but this isn't a question of love. I'd do anything for her, that's a given. I'm just so tired.
As a parent, especially those who have a full-time job outside of the home, where do you get inspiration? How do you make yourself fully available for your kid(s), yet keep a sense of self? Is there an achievable balance?
I am new at this and still learning day by day...I've always been a fiercely independent person. So I know that's part of the issue here...the adjustment (to put it mildly!) of having her in my life and feeling confident that I'm doing a decent job. What's your experience?

Answer 1

Sounds like you are a new mom! congrats if that's the case! The answer is simple.......all of those friends that you have that have said if we can do anything to help you just let us know......take them up on it.......have one come over and sit with the baby while you get a nap! Also, know that it okay to still have "me" time.....go get your nails or your hair done or get a pedi. Get a massage and just take time to take care of you. Go out and watch a movie.....you don't have to be gone all day or night to rejuvinate just do it. If nothing else go out and get in a great 30 min. workout that will increase your energy and make you ready to get home to love on your little one. I know about losing your sense of self ......there is an achievable balance and believe me it WILL come but it takes awhile and you will find it just give it time and remember to enjoy this time they don't stay little long and you will miss it so much when they start going to school....talk about losing your identitiy you won't even have a name other than hey so and so's mom ......and kids you don't even know will be hugging you happens to me every day when I pick my kids up! Hang in there and good luck! Just remember that it is okay to breathe♥

Answer 2

I am the single mother of a 4 year old girl. I work full time and she goes to pre-school. I use my crock pot a lot so that when I do get home, I'm not spending an hour cooking. So we eat dinner, we do her homework, play for a while, take her bath and read a book before bedtime. After she's in bed, that's when my time begins. I put on the TV, get a book or whatever, and I do my own thing. I just try and totally relax and not worry about the dishes that need to get done. They'll get done eventually! It's definitely hard, but God made us so that we're able to do it all!

Answer 3

If you don't question your parenting abilities, then you probably won't make a good parent. So, you are definitely doing alright.

You don't need inspiration, just quality time with your kid. That time let's you get close and build trust - that's right, trust. Trust doesn't come automatically because you are her mother. That trust becomes extremely important when they get to the critical teenage years and determine how much they will let you into their lives. My boys, now 17 and 19, were willing to confide in me because we've always had "meaningful conversations" while they were growing up. I work full-time too, and to top it off, my job involves a lot of travel. But when I'm around, I make sure we talk and I treat them as individuals and not as kids - even if it is during short rides driving them to lessons, or just a few minutes while they get ready for bed. My husband was a stay-home dad when my kids were little, then work only 2 to 3 days a week, even now. He's around the kids more often, takes care of all their needs, but he doesn't really "talk" to them. The kids are much closer to me even though I spend less time with them - this goes to prove that the "quality talks" are important.

It's the quality of the time you give them, not the quantity or the money and toys your lavish on them. Most importantly, talk to them as one individual to another - respect them as individuals.

Answer 4

1st, as a parent of four daughters under 12, I can say that there is no one simple way to achieve those goals. You'll have to comprimise, for sure, you'll have to know that your needs are 5/6 behind the needs of your child. At the same time, you'll need down time to recharge your engines. When the kid finally sleeps, take a moment to relax and get some things done for yourself.

don't let the computer or t.v. occupy those down times because getting lost in the t.v. or being online can make time evaporate... closing your eyes and just relaxing, even if it means not doing the dishes, or taking out the trash, can be the small amount of time you need to recharge

Good luck and happy parenting

Answer 5

oh my gosh!! going through the same thing, like you i love my kids over all, including my job but for me unfortunately can't quit my job, doing so will also affect my kid's stability and security as per that they get whatever they want. But every single day is a challenge as my schedule is at different times of the day and every single week is different. What i usually do is that if i go in to work in the afternoon and have all morning, i wake them up with hugs and kisses and they give me the most beautiful smiles ever, i help them get dressed for school, prepare breakfast for them and i take them to school no matter how tired i am and how much i long to be in bed instead, is very gratifying to watch them happy, for me being there. if i work in the morning which is usually at 5:30 in the morning i know i won't see them until after school so i try my best to go pick them up from school and take them out to eat and then help them out with homework. I don't know how old your girl is but mine are going to be 9 and 6 so it's an every day challenge that i try to over come and without my husband helping me out believe me i wouldn't be able to do it so just be there for her and love immensely and be assured that one day she will thank you for just being there for her.

Answer 6

Goodness I always get mad about losing things, and my husband doesn't realize my brain has replaced all my major functions with changing diapers, bottles, and scoop, sippy cups, turning on the dvd player, etc... etc...Who knows when the title to our jeep will show up?? Gosh, I forget the last time I took a shower..sheesh. I get frustrated with my daughter cries when my son rips something out of her hands, when my son touches everything in sight. I keep on going crazy, I told him what's bad and what's good, dumping a whole bowl of fruity cheerios on the floor is bad. I have told him things a million times, and it'll never get through his head, and don't get me started on potty training...I think I should start praying to God more, maybe he can help..lol.