My friend has been with her partner for a year now and she loves him deeply, but she thinks she may have feelings for someone else, she hasn't acted on them or even mentioned it before now. What advice can I give her?
2007-01-12 01:44:13 · 25 answers · asked by Natalie K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have already told her to follow her heart, I will be there for her whichever way she chooses to go but I have also told her that she needs to make her mind up soon otherwise everyone will get hurt.
2007-01-12 01:59:03 · update #1
One day at a time. If she truly loves the guy she is with and committed to him then she can still allow herself the pleasure of a fantasy, but that's all. Otherwise, it's cheating and that is DESTRUCTIVE. I wish I would've had a girlfriend like you. Tell her this and if You are truly her friend, no matter what she does you'll stand behind her and love her. But being a good freind is being honest, so tell her it's a bad idea to cheat. But you'll be there for her if she decides to break up and move forward w/ this guy she has feelings for. Sometimes a crush is just that. It's so great until it's "crushed".
2007-01-12 01:51:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She "thinks"?
She has to be certain that either (1) she has feelings or (2) that she doesn't. For her to act on her feelings, she needs to be certain of what those are. There are a couple of other people's feelings that are on the line here. For her to love her partner deeply and yet have feelings for another presents some unresolved issues within her romantic life.
Don't get my wrong; if she has feelings, she should certainly act on them. But she has to be careful of her partner's feelings and the other person's as well.
2007-01-12 09:50:05 · answer #2 · answered by auken_hill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then i would say that she isn't deeply in love then..now, that being said..if it is just a question of attraction then its no big deal. Just cause we are in a relationship doesn't mean that the rest of the world gets ugly all of a sudden. That is a childhood beliefe that goes away with a high school diploma. The difference is that when you get older you can be attracted to someone but you don't desire them...you can appreciate their appearance but not act. i hope your friend doesn't screw up somethnig good and if she REALLY loves her man then you shouldn't have to woory cause LOVE DOESNT CHEAT
2007-01-12 09:50:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your friend is with some and has feelings for someone else then that is just the trick of the enemy. If she was to follow those feeling she will soon realize that the grass is not greener on the other side. Tell her don't get played
2007-01-12 09:50:39 · answer #4 · answered by Ga's Peach 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her that if she really loves the person she is with, why jeopardise her relationship just because she "may" have feelings for someone else. If she left her partner for this other person and things did not work out, she would be kicking herself because of the relationship she had. If it's not broke, don't fix it, therefore, if there are no problems in her current relationship, why look for another.
2007-01-12 09:48:32 · answer #5 · answered by Princesspoison 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her not to act on it. if she really loves the man shes with at the moment it could go so wrong!
what if she went with the guy she has feelings for and it goes wrong? then she's lost the man she loves and the one she has feelings for. it's rare the man she loves will take her back.
tell her it will pass.. and to try and stay away from the man she has feelings for as it will just mess up her head.
she probably just has feelings for this other man as it would seem something new and exciting but she has to see that the man she loves is truely the one to be with.
xoxox
2007-01-12 09:54:45 · answer #6 · answered by needin sum help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Human nature is such that we are attracted to others who hold attributes that are desirable.
Your friend "loves her current partener deeply" but "thinks" there may be something else to be had with another.
This is a classic senerio. A paraidox for the difference in the standands of past generations and current society values.
In the past the answer would have been simple. If you deeply love the one you are with and it is reciperical, then count your blessings and although there are other good people with desirable attributes, admire them from a distance but be true to your partner.
Today, well many would say if she is having feelings for another she can't be in love with her partener. That is rediculus. Just because we love and are commited, the base insticts of being human do not shut down. The question is, is the bond between partners strong enough and the indvidual mature enough to set aside other romantic possibilities in favor of honoring that relationship to which one is bound.
Marriage used to be viewed as that binding tie that once entered upon, forbade the indulgence of an individual from entertaining other romantic relationships. Of course that was a time when intercouse of upstanding people was kept inside the bonds of marriage also.
The lines are blurred now as to what is appropiate in sexual relationships. Advice for your friend would have to be based on her own moral standard, as society offers little guidance these days.
I personally come from the old school. I am 42 now with a wonderful family and wife of 22 years. I love her deeply as does she to me. While certianly there have been others whom I have been attracted to over the years, and plenty of opportunities to act upon those feelings, I would never have entertained such a thought, out of respect for my partner, our lives together and out of repect for myself.
People say you have to look out for your own interest these days. I agree, but I prefer to look at it slightly differently. I believe that people need to look out for their own integrety.
Integrety is really all we have that is ours and only ours. Everything else is a combination of experience. Ones selfworth is tied to ones integrety. Once that is compromized with oneself, or in this case, with oneself and ones partener, rationalization becomes the rule and society as we experience it today becomes the norm.
Your friend needs to be true to herself. If in her mind and level of commitment that means being true to her partner as well, only she can decide.
2007-01-12 10:21:50 · answer #7 · answered by MtnManInMT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can tell "your friend" that it is impossible to love two people at the same time. what "she" needs to do is to weigh what she feels for both of them and try to figure out which one is love and which is mere attraction. she shouldn`t be to hasty and is this other person worth throwing away something good she has going on already?
2007-01-12 09:53:37 · answer #8 · answered by snowflakes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is so important in any relationship. They must be able to talk and discuss just how they feel. If she doesn't tell him, he will suspect something eventually anyway. She must be open and honest with him and expect the same from him too.
2007-01-12 09:52:34 · answer #9 · answered by Dr. Jan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To get over it. This will continue to happen throughout her life. She needs to learn that you don't need to pursue every feeling you have. Respect the man she's with, whom she loves, and try not to think about the other guy.
2007-01-12 09:47:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋