Please help me take the next step...?

Question

I have a 2 year old son with Him and we live in a small apartment.I dont love Him anymore, He is an alcoholic and i just have nothing in common with Him. we have a great kid who we both cherish completly, and both would want to have live with us if we were to split.

So heres my problem, I am a student, i havent worked in 4 years, I have no income and no place to go even if i did leave Him. There is no way i can just move out and float around and crash on couches, espically with a kid. My family is supportive, but they smoke a lot of ciggerettes in the house and i cant have my son in that kind of environment.
WHAT DO I DO? I have been "in the system" before, as far as Welfare goes. The last thing i want to do is move to the trailor park on government assistance.
Also, if I leave Him and my son stays with him untill i can establish a home, wont it be a lot harder for me to get primary custody????
Please help me, i am desprate enough to ask you guys..............

Answer 1

The reality is you need to weigh the pros & cons of the options you have and decide the lesser of evils. No one here is going to know of a lovely place that will welcome you and your child without an income. The viable options I see here are:
1. Stay where you are. If he's suporting you and not abusive this may be the best place for now. You say he loves the child. Can't you live there until you establish a home?
2. Go to your family. Maybe if you ask they would be willing to smoke in the garage or in one room, or at the very least not in the room with him.
3. Government assistance. Trailer parks or goverment housing are not ideal but when you finish school you could find something better. You could find child care at school or in a better area so he'll be in a better environment to play during the some of the day.

Answer 2

Wow. First off, I am concerned that you mentioned you would leave your son with an alcoholic! Don't do that! And yes, it would be harder to get custody of your son after if you did that!

I'm sure you feel you have nothing in common with him at this point. If you still have any love for him, first try to see if he is willing to get help. If not, then you have to get out of that environment. It's not healthy for you, and especially your son. If you're considering living with your family, ask (before you move in) if they will be respectful to your son and not smoke in the house. Yes, I'm sure to a smoker it will be a big sacrifice, but if they are not willing to do that for the child's sake, don't go there. Welfare nowadays is a joke, and anyone that has went that route knows it's a pain in the rear! I would use that as a last resort. If I were you, I stay where you are (if you can handle that, and assuming you and your child are not being abused)... I would find a job and start saving as much money as you can. Once you have done that, this is the point where I would confront him and see if he's willing to get help and save the marriage/relationship. If not, then you at least have means to be able to move out and support yourself and son. When it ends up in a court battle, you want to make yourself look like you are responsible, with your son's best interest in mind, and have already taken steps showing you have your own place to live and are able to support and take care of your son. Good luck!

Answer 3

Honestly I think it would be better to try and stay with your family for awhile and make some accomodations about the smoking. Maybe they would give you one little space in the house that could be smoke free for your son. It's just that living in this situation with an alcoholic isn't a good one and letting him take care of your child while you find your way isn't going to look good for you when you go to court for custody. Could you possibly get help with child care so you can go get a job and start saving money for you and your son to have a life? I would really think this through before you make any decisions. You may even want to talk to a lawyer or a social worker to get some advise. I think at this point you may have to choose the lesser of 2 evils and move in with your family for a while. I wish you lots of luck and hope things work out for you and your son.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear abt your situation. Why not move in with your family as a temporary solution? But explain to them that you don't like it if they smoked in front of your son. While there, you can find yourself a job. Afterwards, you should be able to find a place for you and your son.
Or else, even though the system will not offer you a chance at living luxuriously, it is still a way to get started off.
However, coming from a broken home my self, I know that it is not healthy for a child to be in a household that is unhappy. If "he" is an alcoholic, you will not have a problem getting prime custody of your son. But is he also abusive? If he is, you should inform the authorities.
Good luck

Answer 5

You have no option but 1. Go back into the system. or 2. Move in with your folks and try and organise that your son is not in the smoking area so much.
If this is the way you feel, then you need to pack, and get out. Do not leave your son behind, because you will not get him back. You unfortunately only have 2 options here. So how important is it for you to want to move out. Now its up to you.

Answer 6

Don't leave your son.

It might be a question of lesser of two evils the smoking versus the drinking.
If he's violent with you he will be violent with your son.
Maybe it is worth staying with your parents short term until you either finish your studies or find a place, especially if they can give you a sleep out that is a seperate area from their smoking for you and your son.

Love is a choice not a feeling.

Answer 7

well get established first before you split...save some money...you dont have to tell him you are saving money or have an account...get the job first so you can save.....there is nothing worse then crashing from place to place...there is nothing wrong with getting a little assistance from welfare for the meantime...it doesnt have to be for ever and yo dont have to live in a trailer...welfare can help with childcare in the meantime while you work....go apply for section 8 in your city ...the waiting list is usually long depending on where you live...but they help pay your rent ...and the best thing about it is that you can do it by your self...you dont have to leave your child with him then worry about custody or anything...hang on a little more...and save save save...most likely he'll be too drunk to realize what hit him....and whatever you do ...dont leave your child with an alcoholic...deal with it until you get on your feet....good luck

Answer 8

That is a tough question to answer you..cos u r a student,very much dependant on someone to take care of u financially.Hence yr chance of child custody is extremely slight.

Juz got to bear with it with your parent if you love yr kid..juz persuade them to smoke lesser or away from the kid.

Take care

Answer 9

i suggest you to find a job NOW!!
Don wait anymore... ok??
only after you have a stable job and everything is ok then you just split up with him.. im not encouraging you to divorce but i hope maybe one day you wil found out that you and your husband can stil be together--who knows it wil happen one day..
im from single family so i really can understand the situation.. if i can choose...i sure want a complete family..i really jealous my friends and anyone who has a happy family!
as a mother, i think you should consider for your child.. he might need a dad and mum..he is still young.. don give him a bad influent..think about it..k? hope you can live happily with ur family..

Answer 10

I would move into a trailor on gov't asst. rather keep my son in a home thus described.

You can get all set up without leaving and once it is set up move out.