How would you make him see he is being really childish?

Question

I am a mom of7 and I am the first to admit I am quite strict but I love my kids and I am this way to protect them.As we have three kids under the age of five and a 12&14yr old my husband and I believe it is best to have a password on the entire computer and to have the kids ask permission to use it. This is mainly for my5yr old who gets into everything and anything.However only myself&my husband know the password.We told our14yr old before&he ended up telling his sister,leaving it on&generally being careless,so now only we know it.The other evening when my 14yr old had finished his homework he wanted to go online.I was out&my husband was on the phone so he asked him to wait5mis,the phone conversation went on longer then expected&my son kept interrupting.After20mins of waiting he through a tantrum BABY STYLE screaming and shouting the he was too old for this s*it blah blah blah.My husband spanked him and sent him to bed,he has been going to bed@7w/the baby since but he does not realise

why he had to be punished we have tried talking to him about it but he won't listen. I fell he needs further punishment.He gets plenty of extra priveledges as the teen of the family and loads of attention.What punishment would you impose or what would you do?

Answer 1

First of all, good for you for standing firm. I would not have spanked a child of that age (very demeaning), but would have restricted him from using electronic entertainment for 1 week. This means no handheld games, no computer (except for homework if NEEDED), no TV, no iPod...

Secondly, he is too old to need to ask every time he wants to use a computer. He may have regressed and reacted like a child because he felt treated like a child... it can happen.

If restricted access to the computer was his punishment for being careless with the password, the punishment needs to be lifted at some point... a child isn't usually punished for a deed indefinitely.

He may need your help with reaching a solution to his carelessness about not signing out. He may simply need a post-it-note on the edge of the screen as a reminder... or perhaps you could set up the computer to shut down after remaining idle for 5 minutes.

That being said, after explaining why he is being punished and why he was stripped of his privilege to sign in on the computer independently in the first place, let him know you expect an apology for screaming while your husband was busy on the phone. (although your husband didn't show "follow-through" - he should not say he will do something in 5 minutes if he isn't sure he can. He should have simply said he'd sign in when he was finished his phone conversation. In a way, your son was right to be upset for receiving a false promise. - though he needs a healthier way to express his anger.)

Ask him what changes he will make to ensure he signs out if you allow him the privilege once again... he needs a plan. Be upfront about the fact that the password will be changed if he shares it with his siblings, which means he will also lose access. When he knows the consequences up front and has a plan to keep him motivated to sign out, he should be okay - provided you have your content advisor/babysitter turned on.

Just my two cents.

Answer 2

Oh my goodness. He is to old for spankings. You treat him like a baby he's going to act like a baby. You should have taken the computer privledges away until he can talk about his actions and feelings. His dad could have told whoever to hold on for a second while he typed in the password. It's like dad thought whoever was on the phone was more important then his own son. The son probably thought that all his mature actions weren't getting him the attention he needed. He's seen the younger kids get the attention with throwing a tantrum and he did the same and guess what, he got dad's attention! He is important and deserves to be put first over any phone call. Especially if dad told him to wait just 5 mts. He fulfilled his part by waiting patiently for 5 mts. Dad didn't fulfill his part by entering the password.

Answer 3

The problem here is that your husband said he'd do it in 5 mins, so really should have.

I think your punishment about the bedtime is quite appropriate - if he's going to act like a baby then punishing him like one seems very appropriate. However spanking at 14 isn't appropriate and shouldn't happen. Violence isn't the answer as soon as you can reason with your children.

Your husband needs to treat him like an adult and appologise for not doing what he said. I mean, how frustrated do you get with your kids when they say they'll (eg) set the table in "a minute". It's no different for your son.

Answer 4

I too am told I am strict with my kids so maybe we can get on the same page ehh? ;)
First of all yeah a 14 year old throwing a fit like that is childish.
What I would do is take away the very thing he was throwing a fit over. About 3 weeks off the computer all together should suffice.
Then explain to him in the real world you dont get your way by throwing a fit.
I think its just an age thing, but it has to be stopped early on.
My son who is 13 did something like this a few months back. I remember the whole thing and thinking "what the hell...who is this" because he hadnt had a fit in such a long time. (like since he was 3).
We put a stop to it real quick as he was trying to bow up to me like he was going to kick my *** or something. My husband stepped in telling him if he was man enough to fight to take it outside. It freaked me out and the whole time the Garth Brooks song "the night I took the old man out" kept playing in my mind. But my son straightened up real quick. I think teens are going to need attitude adjustments from time to time. I think its just the age. When I was a kid I did the same to my dad only he let me get away with it. Looking back he should have beat my butt.

Answer 5

Kids are kids. I would try and speak to him that needs to understand his place in the family. Being the oldest, he sets an example for the others. If you husband is on the phone he needs to wait, if he didn't give the password out to his sister, he would have been able to go on right away. But you don't want to overly punish him, maybe a few day and talk to him. It's up to you guys.

Answer 6

Spanking a 14 year old?? Sending him to bed at 7? Those are not appropriate punishments. I would have just taken computer privileges away for a week.

Answer 7

he would have been restricted from using the computer. 15 is too old for spankings. that is degrading and not an appropriate punishment. When he doesnt get his way at school is he going to spank someone? You screwed up on this punishment. you need to appoligize and set limits on your expectations.

Answer 8

There seems to be alot of spanking going on in your house by your husband.