my husband told me he's not good enough for me . there was just 1 minor thing he did , for him it was really bad , n its haunting him till now n for the past 3 months ( not an affair ) . it almost happened again yesterday but he managed to stop it . the last it happened . . it hurt both of us but wasnt as much as it hurt him cause he wouldnt do such thing to hurt me but things just happen . i was there for him n hoping i could comfort him but it did no good . he was afraid i would leave him if it had happened again . i said to him that i would be there to help him n not abandon him . i told him i m sorry for myself i could not make the man i love to feel he was good enough for me . tell me what can i do to make him feel we are good enough for each other . it just hurts me to know that he feels hes not good enough .
2007-01-12 01:04:59 · 10 answers · asked by ver 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Why doesnt he feel good enough? Me personally when I say that to a man what I am actually saying is. "I really don't like you, but if I say that I am not good enough for you, then it takes the blame off of me." It sounds like he just isnt ready for a commitment or to forgive himself yet for what he has done. Maybe counselling would help.
2007-01-12 01:08:40 · answer #1 · answered by Java Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a low selfesteem, and there are many books that can provide you good tips on how to deal with that problem. Personally, I think that the root of the problem is not you, but something in his past that is troubling. For example, he could have been abused (beaten up), molested as a child, or something else that is traumatic to him, whether he realizes it or not.
Maybe you both can go to a Psychologist (not psychiatrist). That specialist can help you both deal with the problem, so you can both live happy lives together. I wish you both the very best. You are an excellent wife.
2007-01-12 01:19:32 · answer #2 · answered by David G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing what he did it is very difficult to respond. Was it drinking, drugs, flirting??? Personally I don't like the old line of "u are too good for me"..........that is usually a line people use when they don't want to fix a problem they have and they are giving u an "out", but in your case I don't really know because there just isnt enough info........sorry.
2007-01-12 01:09:30 · answer #3 · answered by Amber 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is an adult and doesn't sound like he is adult enough to let you know what is really going on ; the woe sorry for myself cope-out is just that ; it is never about you ; it is him ; so don't think that you did or said something b/c that is not the case; now he has to step up and tell you what is really going on not running around with this tail between your legs excuse; don't be so hurt b/c I bet you something is happening; if it is sexual performance issues? then he needs to get help from a professional ; if it is abuse? no excuse; either you don't want to give enough information or he needs to step it up with honesty - you can't live life like this and shouldn't be expected; he needs to fix it or you need to help yourself and stop listen to his sobering
2007-01-12 01:19:36 · answer #4 · answered by sml 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...and you're married.
Whatever it is (sounds like an addiction) he's not willing to get help...he'd rather leave or hope you have enough sense to leave....right now you aren't quite enabling him to have both you and the addiction. Soon, if you stay, you will be enabling him to have both. Go to counseling, alone if necessary. See if you can love yourself and your husband enough to not accept his unacceptable behavior. Draw some boundaries and live by them. Be ready to move on together or alone. Or resign yourself to a painful life and don't have children to watch them suffer, too.
2007-01-12 01:14:45 · answer #5 · answered by miatalise12560 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A sensitive man......................what a novel idea.
Anyway, he is carrying around a lot of guilt and obviously is asking for reassurance.
Tell him how you truly feel and let him take of the rest.
Don't coddle or judge him.
If his behavior is driving you nuts tell him straight out that it is and leave it at that.
Allow him to be responsible for what happens next.
2007-01-12 01:14:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Mia who said it sounds like he's saying he doesn't like you but trying to put the blame on himself so as to not offend.
2007-01-12 01:15:27 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what he did. If he has a issue you need professional help maybe.
2007-01-12 01:09:33 · answer #8 · answered by mrdjjames 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is his own self-esteem issue. There is little you can do other than reassure him constantly of your feelings.
2007-01-12 01:09:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHAT IS CAUSING HIM TO FEEL INFERIOR 2 U?? IF U CAN TELL ME THAT, MAYBE THAN I CAN GIVE SUM ADVICE!!
2007-01-12 03:50:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋