My little sisters house burned, and so I let her and her daughter stay with me. Was planning to help her get back on her feet. Well, I came home and she was high on meth, and I realized she'd stolen some of my jewelry, including a $5000 engagement ring given to me by my deceased husband. She is in jail now, and I have her daughter. My dad wants me to forgive her and drop the charges. I think she should have to suffer the consequences. What do you think?
2007-01-11 23:48:33 · 31 answers · asked by GAgirl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I had such a hard time picking a best answer, all of you were so kind. I did drop the charges, I feel like losing her daughter will be punishment enough for her. She will be going to live with our Dad, and hopefully he can help her get straightened out. My niece will be living with me until she can prove to DFCS that she's clean. Thanks everybody!
2007-01-14 02:16:55 · update #1
We can choose our friends, but unfortunately, we can't choose our family. You have the right to be angry over what she did, no doubt about it. You even have the right to put her in jail.
However, the point of having family, this is the reason why its so good, is that family would be the first ones out there that would care. Strangers wouldn't care if YOUR house burned down, but your family (at least probably) will. The point is that those who have the capacity to help, should. Those who have the capacity to care, should.
Now forgiving her and dropping the charges are two completely different things. You may drop the charge, but that doesn't mean shes forgiven and all thats happened should be tossed in the wind. Try to view it this way: if she's in jail, the longer she couldn't get back on her feet. Now if your convinced that jail will straighten her out (aside from rehab) then the argument is for her own good.
If you drop the charge, you certainly have the problem of where to put her, whether it be in rehab, your parents, shelter or back to yours. In that case, it shouldn't be a forgive and (especially) forget thing. Be wary of your things next time.
If you do not want to be involved anymore, that'll be your prerogative and there's nothing wrong with that too.
2007-01-12 00:45:27 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. man about slum 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well i think that what she done is unacceptable and she needs to learn.....You should never bite the hand that feeds u. She doesn't need to be in jail because of her kid but on the same note she didn't care when she done all of this. I would probably drop the charges because it's my sister but as far as me helping her again I would say no, if the child needed anything I would be there but she'll have to depend on someone else.With family around to do u bad who really needs enemies. Hopefully she's learned her lesson. If she's not going to do anytime in jail she needs to take some counseling and drug addiction class or something she shouldn't be able to walk away and not suffer any consequences at all
2007-01-12 00:02:38 · answer #2 · answered by SingleMommy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, she should suffer the consequences. Even if she is FAMILY, she SHOULD NOT have done that when you were willing to help her and her daughter out in the first place. Maybe this is her first step to getting help with her drug problem. If she can get help with that, she won't be stealing anymore. But she shouldn't have taken your hospitality for granted. You are a nice sister for taking care of your niece while she's in jail. If she had done this to someone else, that poor little girl would be in the hands of social services!! You're taking care of her daughter, now let her take care of herself. Maybe someday you can forgive her, but make her suffer the consequences before she does something far worse!!
2007-01-11 23:58:18 · answer #3 · answered by Jenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't drop the charges she should be held accountable for her actions if you drop the charges she will get out and start getting high again, not only that but the kid is better off with you at least she is safe. Your sister can get help with her drug problem in jail where she belongs. Believe your doing everybody a favor by keeping her there because you are.
2007-01-12 00:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by DACIA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not being sarcastic here at all, leave her in jail. That would truly be the best thing you could do for her. It will give her time to think and get the drugs out of her system. In the end I'm sure you will forgive her. She is your sister. But she needs to get her life straightened out. This might be the opportunity of her lifetime. Your parents should be able to see that.
On a side note, just wondering was meth the cause of the fire at her house?? Do good things with that baby of hers, she needs you now more than ever.
2007-01-11 23:56:51 · answer #5 · answered by hthr_1974 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a terrible situation and I am truly sorry that you are having to experience this. The best place for your sister is jail at this particular moment. She needs to be drug free and if I were you I would suggest to the judge that she have to go to rehab or some type of NA meetings as her probation upon release. She also shouldn't have her daughter back until she has established a job, proper housing, etc. I hope you get your engagement ring back since I am sure that is extremely heart breaking for you. Good luck and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
2007-01-11 23:56:11 · answer #6 · answered by Tina S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually the "kindess" thing you could do is to let her suffer the consequences of her actions. In addition you would be helping her daughter as well. If she "slips" away without any consequences for sure she will go back to using meth. This way she has a painful memory of her using and may seek treatment, be sober and raise her child in a drug free environment.
Tell dad to "Get real" and get his head out of where it's dark and warm.
2007-01-11 23:55:34 · answer #7 · answered by PhD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't drop the charges. You'd be sending the wrong message that what your sister did is okay. She wouldn't learn anything. However, she is your blood, and although it may be difficult, try and forgive. Her meth addiction probably caused her to do things she probably didn't want to do. Also, try and get your sister in a rehab program after her sentence- she deserves a chance to raise her daughter.
2007-01-12 00:12:56 · answer #8 · answered by Eddie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will need time to forgive but I think you need to help her not make her life worse. Jail is not going to help her. Drugs make people do crazy things just like all kinds of addictions do. Get her out of jail and into rehab ASAP!!!! Don't let your decisions effect your nieces life, leave that to her mother to want to change for. Sounds like all of you have felt a lot of stress lately, please don't add to it. You need to discuss with your sister the effects her actions have caused and ask her if that's what she truly wants for herself and everyone around her. If it's not then you should be able to convince her to get the help she needs. Just try not to take everything she's done personally. I had a terrible cocaine addiction once and stole a ring from a friends grandmother so I could afford to have my nose candy, I sure am glad I realized how bad it had gotten and was able to set everything right and get into my head that I couldn't control myself anymore. (Been clean for 9yrs!)
Good Luck
2007-01-12 00:05:18 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think YOU are right. How can she learn if she never has to face any consequences. Maybe in time you will be able to forgive her and maybe not. Forgiveness is a process and you can't just click your finger for it to happen.
I understand you father doesn't want to see his two daughters fall out but in doing what you have, it could be just what she needs.
Tell your father that it was the best thing you could have done for your sister, she needs to reach rock bottom to come up and that forgiveness is something that takes time.
Best wishes
2007-01-11 23:56:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋