Changing a childs name, is it in their interests?

Question

We are in the process of taking custody of two children who are in local authority care. We are doing this on the basis of a special guardianship order (UK) which is a permanent move, that is akin to adoption. Essentially, we would be the legal guardians with complete parental rights and responsibilities until the children reach 18. They are 6 and 2 at the moment.

We have been told we can apply to change their surname to ours and we think this may be a good idea in the long-term because having a different surname to their parents highlights children as different etc. but we would need to justify this. As the girls get older, they will be more upset by their difference and their peers will start to question them, but at this point this probably won't happen.

What are your views on this? Do we be forward thinking and seek to make the change now, or should we wait until they are older and it becomes an issue? We are torn with this issue.

Answer 1

I was adopted at 13 and had my parents choose to change my middle name and last of course. At that age peers did ask a lot of questions but with the girls being so young it would not affect them. I think its great that you are adopting.. I would definetly change their names..their your children. Good luck and happy family times.

Answer 2

I say leave their name the way it is. Then, when they are old enough to decide for themselves....they can choose to change it to your name, if that is what they want.

My step sister had a different last name than all of our big family. When she started asking questions, my parents explained to her why and told her the complete truth. I think the truth is best. (Her biological father doesn't have anything to do with her.) Finally, when she was in high school....she came to my parents and told them that she really does want to change her name to match the family. So she did. She made the decision on her own.

There could be a possibility that if you change their names now, at this young age...then they find out later that you did it without giving them a choice in the matter....it could backfire on you.

You should teach them that there is nothing wrong with being different....that everyone is different or 'special' in their own way. Besides, this day in age...with people getting divorced, kids don't always have the same last names as their step or half siblings, or their parents. Plus with them being so young....what kids are going to know your last name? They are only going to see the girls in school and know them. I know when I was in elementary school I knew the other kids' names....but I sure had no idea what their parents' names were.

Good Luck and Congrats

Answer 3

We finalized my daughter's adoption when she was 10 years old. She refuses to tell her classmates that she is adopted and spent her first year with us stumbling on questions about her last name - she insisted on using ours but her school records still had her legal name at the time. We changed it during the adoption process.
Another example is a friend of ours who adopted his grandchildren. The girl was 6 years old and they gave her a choice. She chose to keep her birth-father's last name. The boy was only 4 so the grandparents/parents chose for him and they changed his name to theirs. The kids do have two different last names but they are fine with it (they are 6 &8 now). It isn't much different than any mixed family with kids with different fathers, different names.
As long as it is legal to change their name to yours, do it now. If they want their old name back when they are 18 that will be their choice.

Answer 4

Changing their name is not a bad idea, The six year old try to leave first name, while changing the rest unless it is an awful name. He has gotten use to being called that. However the two year old has not had time to get use to being called the original name. Change it while he is young he will never know.

I adpoted a boy age 8 His name was Roy Eugene.. Awful name Eugene... I changed it to Anthony which he seems to like. And it want hurt to discuss it with the 6 year old, make it sound exciting..

Answer 5

First I think it is great what you are doing by giving these children a family. I think that since they are so young it would be great to change their name to yours. We are in a similar situation with a ten year old and since she is older we are letting her decide what she wants to do. But at 6 and 2 you can change their names and then it never has to be an issue. Good luck.

Answer 6

In the US it is so common for people in one family to have different last names that no one bats an eye.

However, there is one powerful reason for changing their name; they are breaking off the pain of their past and being given a new life. The name change reflects this new beginning. The old has passed away and a new day has come. : )

Answer 7

I don't really understand the problem. Whether u do it now or later, u are still gonna do it so how is it a problem? I would do it now, so it can begin straight away, changing it later could be setting yourself and the children up for confusing times. It will help them feel settled and secure if u get on with it now. Good luck

Answer 8

We gave our son a new first name and our last name when we adopted him at 11 months. My opinion was that he is our child now and we will name him. A friend of mine changed her 7 year old child's surname to her husbands when she married. I think it is quite a common thing to do. Congratulations!

Answer 9

When my husband and I married we changed my daughters name to ours. The reason being that people identify her with us. If this is a permanent move do it for the children for their future.

Answer 10

I have my own set of opinions about that but the bottom line is if you are going to change their names you might as well do it now. why wait?? ultimately if you are concerned about future issues over this then keep in mind prevention is easier than mending.