Am I wrong for being mad about hubby going to his ex-wife Funeral?

Question

He hated his ex, he said he is going b/c of his 2 sons who is in their 40's,always told me he will spit on his ex wifes grave if she ever died.I was also married B4, he won't let me go to my ex's funeral, he says I am jealous, I'm not, I'm mad. His sons never bother with him for alot of yrs.If Someone can help me out, his sons talks bad about there father, also he raised his sons since they were 3 yrs old, ex didn't want nothing to do with them until they were in there late 20's.Am I wrong for feeling this way, or Should I just let it go and say nothing, and just go with him?

Answer 1

Its cool......its for the kids

Answer 2

It is completely understandable that you feel the way you do. But please, remember, that the grieving process is different for everyone, and often when someone you know dies and you are not on good terms, that the guilt and lingering anger can absolutely destroy a person.
Sometimes, having the opportunity to go to a funeral, pay your respects to the deceased, is really what a person needs to have some peace of mind. That doesn't mean he is hiding feelings from you (which is why i suspect it makes you angry), but that he needed to let go of a past that probably genuinely tormented him. Also, it is a once in a lifetime chance to go to a person's funeral, and if he felt he was obligated to be there, he had to go. He wouldn't have a second chance to go.

I wouldn't let it go and say nothing. And I wouldn't tell him he is wrong, either. I would ask him to really talk about why he needed to be there, and why you might want to attend your ex husband's funeral also. Do you really want to go, or would you only do it to spite him? Think about that, and talk to him about it. We are only human, and death is a riveting thing. It doesn't get any more real that this, it is the true nitty gritty. But the beauty of that is that it allows us to really open up to one another with no holds barred.

Answer 3

Ur last sentence shows a much mature and understanding woman. Stand by ur man. Who knows he yet might spit on his 1st wifes grave. Gees give him the chance before getting so mad at him.

We people often say things in anger we really don't mean or r u so perfect u've never done that? Also he had 2 sons with her no matter how ungrateful they were or r for his upbringing of them that is not ur conecern it is his burden and his alon. U should be there to support him and remind him he did the best he could. His sons will come around and if u even show a hint of bitterness against them or their deceased mother u will lose 99% of the time. Do u want to risk a rift in ur family and relationship with ur husband? Then u have no other choice but to be there for him to support him.

Go to the funeral and show ur respects to his sons and her family show them u r the better woman for ur husband silently at his side. U'll come out glowing. Believe it I can't wait to spit on my wife's grave when no one is looking or going back someday to the cemetery alone and pouring piss all over her grave, I would be in such joy.

But honestly if his ex was as bad as mine he owes it to his sons and maybe her family who might've been civil with him or even loving. Cool down Mama and show ur stuff in a positive way than with a vinegar taste that will no doubtly stay with u for a long time to come. I in my opinion u r very much wrong to be angry with ur hubby or his kids and finally his ex she dead and soon gone.

Answer 4

I am a great fan of people being reconciled, even evil ex-spouses.

I'd let him go to the funeral and just let the matter go. His ex is gone and she won't be coming back, but he has a perfect right to want to have a relationship with his sons.

He should reciprocate by allowing you to go to your ex's funeral if you want to go. Personally, if my ex was having a funeral I would want to go just to make sure she leaves. I wouldn't spit on the grave, but I might giggle a little.

Answer 5

Been there. I buried an ex-husband, with the later husband by my side. The divorce had been a misunderstanding, the two men had become friends, and I am still friends with my ex's widow.

Your husband may be grieving the loss of what he thought he'd have when he first married her. Be supportive. There is a difference sometimes between what we say in anger, and what we do when it actually happens.

In any case, no reason to be jealous. Ex-wife is certainly no threat to you now.

Answer 6

Show him that you have a heart and let him go probably he want to spit alone on her grave. You cannot turn back the hands of time to attend your ex-hubby's funeral. She is no more alive and whether she goes alone or not don't worry too much about it. Treat good as you always did and as for the sons They are his no matter what. Be strong and show him that you are a woman with dignity and respect. Good-Luck.

Answer 7

I think you have every reason to be mad. Sounds like your husband's priorities are kinda messed up. As far as him going to the funeral,,,not a huge deal..we all say some things that we don't mean when it comes to actually doing it. As far as the double standard, you have every right to attend your ex's funeral if you decide to. See, when we get married we forget that we have our own feelings and brains. The person we are with should be there to support our decisions and learn from the good or bad. (Obviously within reason). Sounds like you two need a good serious conversation! Good Luck

Answer 8

You know this guy was married to her and they share kids no matter what happen to them in the past a woman/man that you have shared a life with and have kids you are always bound to each for that reason, your husband has a heart of gold he wants to go and say bye to his exs and he wants to be there for his children no matter what has happen in the pass maybe this as sad as it is will bring him and his children back together.
I believe you should support your family those kids even tho they are yur step kids they are your family, and family should stick together and support each other.
My question to you are you afraid that his children will become a part of your family again, and take up alot of your husband time.
Honey support your husband and go with him, it only shows the love you have for him

Answer 9

i in my opinion sense for you, comparable tale with my husbands ex. His young infants come over and are bowled over that they are served meat or fowl for dinner. we are no longer purely helping the mummy yet she has a stay in boyfriend that has no job the two. They bypass out go away the infants abode, get tattoos, have sort new cellular telephones, lap appropriate computers, and so on however the infants have no clothing or foodstuff. My 2 oldest infants recieved social secure practices survivors benifits because of the fact their father died whilst they have been youthful and that i ought to make a each and every year checklist to the U. S. government as to how the money replaced into used for the income of the infants. i think of any mom recieving new child help ought to ought to checklist to the courts how the money replaced into spent for the infants. don't get me incorrect......i think of that most of the money going to lease, utilities, enjoyed ones groceries, transportation, and so on. is positive. yet whilst the mummy does not artwork and the only earnings she has is childsupport and he or she has all styles of latest issues and the infants have no longer something then there's a concern that desires to be addressed.

Answer 10

Anytime the act of forgiveness is done it is a good thing. Not for the other person but for the person walking in it. An act of mercy and grace is simply and act of healing for your husband. You should be thankful that your husband has decided to lay down his anger which scientist have proved does dangerous things to your health especially the heart. Humans are born to be loved and to love. Maybe he isn't just doing this for anyone but himself. Death has a way of making you think about your own mortality. And when someone dies that you once loved and had children with, you tend to find a way to take the high road. The bad between them should not keep your husband from trying to do good. I believe that he may be thinking about pleasing God rather than you at this point. Try to forgive him for this one. If you tend to hold this against him you may be threatening your own health. Breathe, relax and let this one go, try to see it as a sacrifice unto God-or Karma whichever you prefer.

Answer 11

I'd be shitty to to be honest with you. They divorced for obiviously good reasons right? Which cut her off a long time ago, so yes, I'd be furious about it too. There's no reason for him to be there if he hates her so much. But if he does go, I'd be there to, to show the family where I stood as well, damned right. I agree with you. She didn't want to even have responsibility of they're sons, what a biatch. I think I'd spit before the lid closed. Good luck.