I have a friend that i have known for 4 yrs, he has always tried to convince me to date him. I keep on refusing because i am engaged and i can't picture myself dating him. I don't understand why i keep on havign to repeat myself, but i don't want to lose him as a friend either. I did once kiss him, but that was it (it happened 2 yrs ago, and i was single, and i bit drunk!!!) and now he keeps on saying we had something special and i can't carry on having to tell him that i don't want to date him. Is he hard of hearing? Or am i the one thats making a mistake?
2007-01-11 20:32:26 · 12 answers · asked by Roxxy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hey homegirl. He might as well be hard of hearing. You say you don't want to lose him as a friend, well if he knows that you are engaged and he still tries his luck in getting together with u. It says a lot...says that your friend does not respect you or ur relationship (engagement) or ur fiance. Friends know when not to cross boundaries esp. if you have made it clear that you have no desire to get together with him. He should accept and respect your wishes. And if he's still stuck on the kiss that happened 2 years ago, he needs to get on a time machine to 2007. Clearly a lot has happened from then till now - you are engaged. So what you need to tell your friend is - my friend I've known you for ages and our friendship really does mean a lot to me however if you cannot accept and respect these simple facts:
1. I do not see you in anyway other than being a friend to you and you being a friend to me
2. that I'm with someone, happy and engaged
then I think we are going to have to take different paths.
2007-01-11 21:16:51 · answer #1 · answered by Thato 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well gurl, this is what i think you should...
You kissed him once right? Why?...
Because you guys did something special that day, or he did something that pleased you on that same day, or because you were drunk or because you just felt like kissing him?
come to think of it, you've known him for 4 yrs, so you guys must have been so close now that he wanted you to take it to another level, which is impossible for you because you're engaged, and you can't even picture yourself dating him, do you ask yourself why you can't date him, and why you don't want to loose him as a friend?
I've been in this kind of situation, let me break down for you...... I met this girl in August 9 2005, we became friends, chat, hang around, then the friendship became stronger that i couldn't handle it anymore, and i had to tell her my mind though, "i knew she has a boyfriend,but her b/f stays abroad" and when i did, she said she can't do that, that she's committed to her b/f, i kept on pestring her, i did my best, bought her things and tried all i could just to win her heart but she kept telling me that, we can only be friends and nothing more....
So what i'm trying to say is, if you know you're engaged/committed to your man, then you'll have to keep on telling him no untill he gets tired of hearing it because i got tired and i gave up last year on December 15 2006..
My Advice to you is to keep telling him that you can't, because if you did say yes to him, you're going to ruin your own life yourself, and that would be a very very big mistake on you... don't be harsh on him,ok? just don't get tired of saying Nooooooo
Hope this helps you....
2007-01-12 05:16:38 · answer #2 · answered by codedfeelins 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we choose or lives and we choose our destiny. we are 100% in control of who and what we want in our lives. Unless this guy has some sort of dementia he still try cause he still must get the signal from you that he might still have a chance. He doesn't sound like a very trust worthy friend if he keeps annoying you with this, and why would you want someone in your life that is going to impact negatively on your goals, that's not a true friend. If your serious about this then You and your fiance need to both sit down with this man and tell him that this is the way it is and if he doesn't like it or if he trys one more time then he's out set boundaries girl!!
2007-01-12 04:41:29 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet_Miss_Toni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are not making yourself perfectly clear and being forceful enough due to your fear of losing him as a friend. My experience (after 63 years of living) is that seldom do males really want to be friends with a woman (meaning "Just" friends), and when they say they do it is only because they are harboring a secret desire to be more than freinds. I know girls do not like to hear this or believe it, nor did I, but facts have proved it in the majority of cases. If you are firm with him, he may stop being your friend because that is not what he ever really wanted to be anyway. It may be the only way you are going to be free of his trying.
2007-01-12 04:38:49 · answer #4 · answered by sick-ovit-all 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone seems a bit obsessive and immature. You need to have a real heart-to-heart with this guy, like sit him down and give it to him type talk. It's flattering that he wants to date, but you are in love with someone else and he needs to understand that and accept you as his friend. And if that doesnt clear it up it is probably going to be time for you to move on as far as friendship goes because you can't let someone like that spoil your engagement and future marriage.
2007-01-12 04:38:13 · answer #5 · answered by littlekitty1985 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, this guy persists huh! it's a tough situation cause you don't wanna lose him as a friend. i am kinda in a similar situation. I guess you just have to keep repeating yourself and keep pushing back till you get married. then hopefully, he'll get the point. meanwhile, you can try introduce him your single gf to make him realize in a different perspective that you really are not interested!
2007-01-12 04:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is most likely to happen and you seem to know it it sounds like..is you're going to have to get 'mean'. When you get mean, he probably will not be, or 'can't' be, your friend anymore...because..and sooo many guys have said this..'it hurts them too much, to JUST be your friend'. and that may be the best thing.
For now, tell him it's annoying. Don't refuse, just don't answer...change the subject immediately-refuse to have to repeat yourself. tell him you're sorry he doesn't remember, but you're not gonna talk about it...'ain't gonna happen'
2007-01-12 04:41:05 · answer #7 · answered by Little Jeannie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was really your friend, he'd stop asking to date you and just be there for you through your engagement. It may be hard, but it can and has been done.
2007-01-12 04:47:16 · answer #8 · answered by foreveready 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well did you feel anything for him when you kissed as in any feelings about it or thoughts if so then why not try it out oh but you did say your engaged then it sucks to be him just be open with him tell him no is no and if he keeps insisting then tell him it will be the end of your friendship or i dunno just talk to him i guess
2007-01-12 04:38:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
kick him in the nards next time he asks you to go out with him. if that doesn't work then i'm afraid you can't do anything. the guy's a regular hyper Cornholio. you can't keep him as a friend. tough break...but you must be realistic
2007-01-12 04:52:19 · answer #10 · answered by Moyo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋