Any one who might be able to help, do so!!!?

Question

this isnt a question about dating, but i need as many helpful answers as possible.
my father who i havent seen since i was 2, evidently had another family, after me adn my mom. today i got a call from his new ex wife, saying my half brother wanted to meet me(i knwo i hevent been descriptive of how she got my number, but yes its legit, and the how isnt important) my half brother is 16, and wants top meet me. i without thinking said yes. what the hell does he wnat to meet me for? what do i say to him? if hes looking for advice or a rolemodel hed better look else where, im a 21 yr old loser with a crap job who cant even manage himself, what the hell does this kid want adn what do i say to him?

im not holding a grudge, im not angry or anyhting like that, i jsut have no idea what to say to the kid.

Answer 1

i have been in same situation, can i ask, do you have anything to do with your father who has another family? If not, then i can understand why u would ask what does your half brother want fromyou? My answer to that is Maybe he wants a brother!! The older brother which is you & i know all sibings with half bro's& sis's around everwhere appreciate their long lost siblings.... Once you meet you will be able to discover somthing that either A you need or B you dont need ?? Hope my answer helps,,, but good luck any way bro,, im still yet to know who my real father is & im 26 with a half family out there in the big wide world & they dont even know it yet!! What do i do ???? .....lol ;)

Answer 2

First off, you don't really sound like a looser. You have an analytical mind and you have concern for others. You haven't even met the kid, but you're already concerned that you might be a bad influence on him. We've all had crap jobs and felt like our lives are going nowhere at one time or another. You're still pretty young yourself. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life till about 3 months ago and I'm 27.

Secondly, the best thing you can do for the kid is be 100% honest with him. When he asks you a question about something, you tell him exactly what you know about it. He asks you about sex, drugs, dangers of life, whatever, don't pretty things up for him, don't be afraid to shock him, just tell him how it is. This way when you tell him what you did wrong, he'll believe you and hopefully take some advice when you have some.

You said he should look somewhere else for advice, but then what better advice could someone give him then saying, "hey, life doesn't always work out the way you planned, sometimes you feel like this whole thing is f***ed up and crazy and you're completely lost, but that's OK. I'm 21, I've made some choices along the way, these couple of choices I think were good, these others - probably shouldn't have done those." You have experience, he doesn't. Whether your experience is good or bad, you can share it with him so he knows a little more about what to do and what not to do.

If you guys do end up spending time together and it's not just a one-time meet thing, then the only other thing you'll need to do for him is be supportive. Tell him that you might not be able to help him with much, but whenever you can, you'll be there for him and if he needs someone to vent to about all the s*** at school, you'll be there to listen.

I don't have a step brother, but I have a nephew and he's growing up fast. These are the things I've learned so far. He's younger than 16, so there are a couple of things I keep to myself so I don't corrupt his young mind, but I speak to him like an adult and I always tell him the truth.

Just think about when you were 16 and what kind of friend would have been the best influence on you, and try to be that friend to him (assuming that he wants you around in his life).

Good luck, bud.

Answer 3

Well you have got a bit of a dilemma then, haven't you?
He's probably a young guy who is curious about his older half brother. As an adoptee I know I was interested in my younger half-siblings, and vise versa. You want to see what they are like. Do they look like me? Do they like the same things? It's natural curiosity.

So, while I understand your panic, it is possibly your insecurity talking. I think you just need to take this one step at a time. This guy is probably not looking for some kind of big brother or father figure. He might be happy with making a new friend. Just handle it like meeting a distant relative or a friend of a friend. Be cool. Ask questions. Meet in a neutral place for a drink and pizza or something. Don't expect too much of the meeting. He might not be interested in meeting you again once he's satisfied his curiosity. Don't take it personally if that's the case.

Good luck!

Answer 4

You are ONLY 21 and have a lot to learn...and a lot to teach...this half brother....i would meet him because there is some common blood between you guys...and you could despise him or whatever, but the truth is, its not his fault at all that your dad left u and your mum for a new family, he didn't ask for that, but the best he can do is atleast make good of what you think is bad, so hook up with him, be a brother...

Answer 5

Hey man, everyone has something to offer! Be cool. Something positive could come from this. Ask him what he's doing, why he wanted to meet you - don't panic!

Maybe he's just trying to work out his roots a bit, maybe he's curious. He's 16, so he's probably got role models already, but even if he hasn't - if you can't be a good role model, be a horrible warning!! Keep a sense of humour about it, and consider what you could get out of having a kid brother. I have 2, and although they could be irritating as kids, they're good to have around as adults - someone who understands my family from the inside.

This guy could have a perspective on your dad that could help you see things differently.

Be open. Breathe. Look forward to meeting your kid brother.

Good luck.

Answer 6

hes curious, he has a brother out there that hes never met, someone who shares the same blood. Dont worry about being a role model and all that stuff, hes your BROTHER. I think its pretty cool that hes 16 and wants to meet his brother, i think that shows hes a mature 16 y/o. Is your father still in his life? maybe he needs some male figure to just talk to, not really look up to but have someone who knows what hes going through

Answer 7

Just calm down, it might not be as bad as you are imagining it to be. Many people today search for family members they have never met or seen. Perhaps he only wants to meet you because he really wants to get to know you. Who knows what the meeting might turn out to be, you never know, he might take a liking to you once he gets to know you and he might be of good help and support to you later on. Just be yourself and tell him truthfully that you are a bit nervous as you don't know what to say to a half brother you never met before. Kindness will return kindness, nastiness doesn't get you anywhere. Stay calm, take a big breath when the time comes and you will find the conversation will start rolling once the ice is broken. Remember also,it is not his fault that he turned out to be your half brother, he might have emotional issues about this situation too. Be brave and best of luck.

Answer 8

He probably does want a role model. And he probably wants his brother that he doesn't know to be one. But you are so down on yourself I'm worried for him and you Ok so if you are just 21, and have a "crap" job, then go back to school. Change is always good especially when you feel this way about yourself. Look at it this way, this could be a turning point for your life. If you haven't liked it so far, then now is the time to change it! Good Luck and be positive!!

Answer 9

This kid is interested in his roots, he's curious. Don't be ashamed of your living condition or your job, and get to know the kid. If you are related through your father, you probably have a lot in common. Meet him and give him a chance, just cause your father walked out, doesn't mean he wants to reopen any wounds.

Answer 10

Sounds to me like he simply has a desire to meet his half brother. Relax, don't read a lot of stuff into it and stop putting yourself down, rather look on the positives and turn your life around. Its a choice. 21 is a wonderful age. God Bless You !!