HELP! she is 17 and he is 42! should we try and stop this relationship?

Question

my friend's younger sister has been dating this guy for 2 years. they met while she was at the hospital (she took her grandma for a checkup). this guy is a surgeon and is well off and good looking. her parents know about the relationship n seem to be fine with it but we (her sister n i) have felt that she should be with someone her age. hez been married once, n is divorced with 2 kids. i doubt shez in it for the money because she isnt like that n her dad has money for whatever she needs. shez a beautiful girl n intelligent, she graduated from high school at 15. so cud this be true love? or is he in it just for sex? ohh apparently they're NOT having SEX... do we leave it be or shud we stop the relationship? answer carefully please, im worried for her.

he treats her well and she seems very happy, and oh they're not living in the states so technically its not illegal. she turns 18 in august

i think they are having sex, so if i wanted to stop her how would i do it? any ideas?

Answer 1

17 years old is really young. My ex, married an 18 year old girl when he was 33 years old. He met her when she was 17-and was with her-sexually-they just knew they had to 'keep it a secret' because of the law. I had my doubts. Her and I are best friends now though. The relationship lasted for over 5 years. She wasn't altogether the typical 18 year old. Anyways, now she is 25, and her new husband is 47 years old (they just had their first baby this year).

Now, I am 35 years old-and was married last year-and my husband is 22 years old...I met him when he was 21 lol...In a million years I would never even think of being with someone so young. He's not the typical 22year old stereo-type. People think we look the same age (hooray 4 me lol). He doesn't not act like he is only 22 years old either. It's definitely not about the sex either, because he was a virgin and had never been kissed.

He could be in it for just the sex-but, it is her life. Why not let her love who she is going to love, if all other things seem kosher? If the parents seem okay with it-and they are being objective/weren't like friends of this guy before or biased or something...well then I'd just let it be.

I don't see what they can have in common, but I was also surprised at the things my husband and I had in common-not just likes and dislikes, but morals, standards and attitudes towards life.

She isn't far from legal age, and who likes being told who to date and not to date? I never did from anybody when I was a teenager, and when I caught all the heat about my husband and I's relationship-of course I stood my ground, and without reason really...all I said was, "It's just there."

Sometimes what is, just is. "If it's not broken-don't fix it."

Answer 2

You can't stop a relationship.. especially if it's been going on for 2 years. He sounds like a great person to be with, but not for a 17 year old. By the time you press charges for "rape" or whatever you were planning, she will be 18 years old and can make decisions on her own.

Sometimes you have to sit back and let life take it's toll. My best friend got married to a guy when she was 19 and he was 41. I personally thought it was gross, but she came to realize that he was a total jerk and is going through with divorce.. so sometimes it's better to sit back & take the "I told you so" route. If that never comes along and she is happily married then I guess it was a true love sort of deal.

I can't believe she graduated high school at age 15. She sounds like she's on her way to excelling as good as the surgeon, so maybe he has her intelligence level & it is true love.

Good luck, but if you try to intervene, she will find a way around you guys to be with him anyway, and it could possibly ruin the relationship you have with her right now.

Answer 3

I'm 34 and I love a 17 year old. We are not going out and have never done more than talk, or dance at parties. (I have never even held her hand)She will not go out with me because I am too old but we remain friends
BUT
this puts me in a perfect position to tell you that he may truly love, respect and cherish her.
Just because they are dating does not mean they are having sex! It is possible for a guy to love a girl without any feelings of lust.(Trust me, I've been there)
If they truly love each other, and it sounds like they do, then it would be evil of anyone to separate them.
I can understand your concern but don't assume that worst just because of the age gap. It sounds like she is intelligent enough to make the right decision in this case and if her parents are ok with it then I suspect that it is true love.
Be happy for her.

Answer 4

If her parents are fine with it then you need to let it go. It sounds a little odd, given their age differences, but stranger things have happened. Are you sure they are romantically involved and it is not just a friendship? If they are not having sex and she does not need the money, maybe they are just really enjoying their time together hanging out.

If the parents are not worried, then I would not be worried, either, although she may someday regret that she did not spend more time guys her own age. Of course, remembering back to when I was 15, guys were pretty lame and I was interested in older guys, too. I married someone 11 years older than me and that was the best decision I could have ever made. He is a total gentleman and I love him dearly.

Answer 5

2 years ? well its to late for you to do anything . How can people let a 15 year old go out with a 40 year anyhow . a bit sick ! Maybe tell her about fact that women live longer men so she going belong anyhow in 30 or so years and she will be 45 . And burnout after looking him as hes dieing and heartbreak that will bring compared to leaving now.

Answer 6

I think age differences are okay up to about 10 - 15 years. But we are talking 25 years difference here! These people are from different generations entirely.

What if they get married? Is she going to be step-mommy for kids her own age or older?

When he gets old, she will be in her prime. Since men often die younger than women, she could live 35 years (half her life) after he is in the grave.

Sorry, I vote thumbs down -- too many complications.

Now, the reality: it is her business, not yours, so you probably will not be able to convince her. But go ahead and try. She is smart but not quite grown up yet. She needs your help, whether or not she realizes it.

Best of luck on this one!

Answer 7

Depending on what state you're in, it "might" be perfectly legal ... but wow that's ... pretty wrong? I mean ... I know that legally she's almost an adult, but ... Some thing just screams wrong. Should you try to stop it? I'm not sure. She'll be turning 18 soon. I guess the question is: Will you be able to stop it? Try and give her advice and an outlook. Maybe she'll understand. If they're in love then ... I guess love knows now age boundaries. It's just that in a way, it seems wrong.

Answer 8

1. Why you worry !!
2. Let her brother (your friend) and her parents post this question in Yahoo answer.
3. If all of them are comfortable with their relation what's your problem !! Do you love her or think yourself as Mother Teressa !!
4. I suggest stop running behind a imaginary relation and find out a partner for yourself.

Answer 9

Not having sex......right. Around here(Oregon) his behavior would get him some quality time as a guest of the state penal system and also a registered sex offender title for the rest of his life. Stop this relationship?????? Yep, like YESTERDAY.

I mean think about it. What would a 42 yr old surgeon have in common with a 17 yr old girl? I don't think their having philisophical debates and playing chess.

Answer 10

This is a complicated situation. But if she feels things strongly about him then I guess you guys just have to let her be and be there for her when and if he hurts her. She sounds as though she is very mature for her age. Again it's kind of strange having such an older guy be involved with her. Kind of creepy. Not having sex I'm not sure I'd believe that but whatever. Just protect her and be a good friend.