Why would a woman you are sleeping with not tell you that they are already seeing someone else and sleeping with them before you got into bed with them as opposed to the 3rd or 4th time you got together? I was very upset with this person because that could have potentially put my health at risk and I would have probably not hopped into bed with them knowing that they are already with someone else.
Your thoughts?
2007-01-11 18:49:21 · 11 answers · asked by wha? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
After reading some of the answers, I need to clarify, I had no idea that this person was already involved with another man.
2007-01-11 19:00:35 · update #1
Thanks to all of you for your answers.
some more clarification:
I did use protection at all times.
We were not exclusive, but I did feel a bit angry and hurt that she did not inform me ahead of time. I have turned down other potential "partners" in the past when I learned that they were already involved with someone else. Thanks again.
2007-01-11 19:25:35 · update #2
She wouldn't tell you, because you didn't ask. Any more, a lot of young, single people have a little more lax morals when it comes to promiscuity, and it's likely she didn't see anything wrong with it, and assumed that you wouldn't either. Regardless, if you didn't ask, it's as much your fault as her own - and you should have been using protection, rather than putting your health at risk anyhow. Not only did you not know she was still involved with someone else, but you don't know who she's been with that could have potentially given her something - and she may not know about it.
2007-01-11 18:55:15 · answer #1 · answered by jhostman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to that one is very simple, but the reasoning behind it is a bit more complicated. She didn't tell you because she didn't want you to think that she's a slut or judge her badly for being promiscuous. (Words of advice: always practive safe sex.)
Our society judge promiscuous women as being slutty, which many see as a bad thing. It is however the opposite for men, which is incredibly unfair, but hey, I don't make the rules.
Here's something to always keep in mind: every woman that I meet, especially if she's attractive, I assume that she at least has someone interested in her whom she's talking to on a regular basis. However that doesn't mean she's taken. If you want to be sure, you can just ask her.
I can see both sides because at times I've had multiple partners and whether they were seeing someone else while seeing me was not my business as we weren't exclusive. I didn't say it straight up, but I let them know that I was seeing other girls. It's called tact.
It is also possible that there's really no one else. Maybe she wants to see your reaction. Now you might wonder why would she do that just to test your reaction. She might just want to be sure of how serious you're taking her. I was with someone a while back who I loved very much. After a while we ended up taking a break and she mentioned hanging out with a new guy. It was her way of testing me to see if I would fight for her. I didn't. I let her go because I thought the guy made her happy. I didn't fight for what I wanted. While I'm not saying thats the case here, the best person to ask is the girl herself.
Ask direct questions, "why didn't she tell you?" "what does she want." But above all else... don't let your emotions get the best of you.
2007-01-11 19:21:12 · answer #2 · answered by mmatthews000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not saying it is right but maybe she thought that you werent serious about her so she was keeping her options open while still seeing you. Also, were you honest about how you felt about her or did you make it seem like it was just a casual relationship? Sometimes woman do this as a defense mechinism because they think that men are just going to dump them anyway so they might as well not be exclusive.Next time have the talk about seeing other people after you have sex so things are clear about where you stand to avoid this confusion.
2007-01-11 18:56:07 · answer #3 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorta understand where you are coming from but on the other side how many people do you sleep with are virgins? What is the difference from doing it now or in their past?
2007-01-11 18:53:59 · answer #4 · answered by b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If that is happening to you I suggest that you ask the woman before you end up in bed.
2007-01-11 18:53:59 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
BOO everyone is a potential Health Hazard be Careful..xxoo
2007-01-11 18:53:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hope you will be more selective and careful in choosing your partner.Research about them 1st
before you hook up with them and during your
"getting-to-know-you"phase ask about her past involvement.
2007-01-11 19:08:21 · answer #7 · answered by ranya j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be mad too! That does put your health at risk. It goes to show you can't trust ANYONE. But, if you really think about it.. it was YOU who put your own health at risk. Be careful & good luck!
2007-01-11 18:54:13 · answer #8 · answered by natalie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dude,
ALWAYS wait until Marrige - certain discipline really pays off well in life...No Joke
2007-01-11 19:10:38 · answer #9 · answered by SpiderQbeck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know your balls better than we do, but at that moment you would have been in bed with her despite any head knowledge.
2007-01-11 18:56:21 · answer #10 · answered by itsyouandmebb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋