How to get 11 yrd old more interested in school?

Question

My son is having a lot of trouble keeping on task, completing his assignments and take school seriously. He is a very intelligent, mature child, has no problem getting high marks on tests, but he is stubborn about doing any homework. He conveniently "forgets" to bring his books home, lies about the amount of homework he has to do, when he has large projects like research papers or science projects, he rarely makes mention of them until the night before they're due - putting us into a mad scramble to get the work done. I have spoken to his counselor, his teachers, his prinicpal...talked to him until I was blue in the face over the importance of education and the foundation he is building for his life, but nothing seems to make a difference. I have taken anyway most of his privileges, like TV time and video games but nothing seems to phase him anymore. He thinks school is boring and his grades are really taking a downward turn. Anyone else having this problem?

Emotionally, he seems well adjusted. He just doesn't want to buckle down. Could it be that he might need a different approach to learning?

These are some great answers so far! It makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one going through this and the suggestions sound very helpful.

Answer 1

You have described my 12 year old stepson exactly. We have tried everything, including punishments. He is failing every class except for PE so we're pretty sure he is going to repeat 7th grade. We've come to the conclusion that he just does not care and until he does care, nothing we do is going to help. I'm hoping that the embarrassment of repeating a grade will help him to put forth a better effort. We'll see. So, don't feel so bad, you aren't the only parent facing that type of dilemma. It sounds like you have done all that you can do. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I think at that age you may have to find a way to trick him. By that I mean, maybe you can let him pretend he works in an office. Make him kinda feel like the has alot of work to do so he can feel like him is emulating his parents.

You could also try to focus of word problems/problem solving. Help him see the practical application of the work he is doing. Take the principles he is learning in math and science and make problems that apply to things at home. Sounds corny but when kids get a feel that they are learning something for a reason, it becomes more a game.

Answer 3

As long as you take responsibility for all of the organization and getting his homework done up, etc., what do you think he is learning? Let him feel the pain. Back off and let him experience the natural consequences of "forgetting" his books.... don't bail him out. When he is really distressed, ask what he thinks could be done to improve the situation... do some brainstorming and let HIM choose what he believes is the best solution. Ask him what sort of support he would like from you (but don't offer to do what he can do for himself). Celebrate the accomplishments by doing something he wants to do together.... don't REWARD the behaviour, just notice it and enjoy it with him.

Start doing this in other aspects of your parenting as well. Let him do for himself.... see more about this in "Adlerian Parenting".

All the best!

Answer 4

Reading that was like dictating an excerpt from my non-existent auto-biography. Through the years my teachers would say the same things "Stephen's a very bright kid, he's just lazy." I never thought I'd aspire to much in grade school, yet I turned out to be a teacher. Go figure...

Anyhow, you have to explain things to him on his level of understanding. You have to make school worth his while. For him; school is a part of life as much as breathing is. He doesn't know any other way other than that everyone his age and younger (and older) go to school. From the looks of it, school is not very interesting either.

What remedied my distaste for learning earlier in my life was that I, in a way, "tricked myself" into thinking that whatever I learned would prepare me for something I really needed later on in life. For example, I had a pretty vast imagination and convinced myself that learning history would benefit me if I were ever to happen upon Nazi's (like from Indiana Jones). To this day, I have yet to cross one, but my wits have saved me on many an occasion.

On top of that, I wanted to be an educated, smooth talker like James Bond and as sarcastic and witty as Indiana Jones. The best way I prepared for this was to study as much as I could.

On a side note, a gorgeous girl (who happened to be really smart) told me that "pretty girls like an intelligent guy." After hearing that, I wanted to learn as much as I could. Good grades were merely a consequence, rather than something I strived for. If he's 11 years old, he's nearly at that point where he's going to start caring what thoughts the opposite gender has for him... This might be a good incentive for him as well.


PS--Remember that Calvin & Hobbes strip where Calvin was at the dinner table and wouldn't eat his dinner? Calvin's dad whispered to him; "Hey, if you eat that you'll get super powers." And with that, Calvin gobbled up his dinner within seconds and said something like; "Wow, I can already feel it working..." Try something like that if all else fails.

Answer 5

my daughter is 11 yrs also and in the 6th grade,the begginning of this school yr her grades were D's and F's and i told her if she didn't care then its her doing 6th grade next yr and if she dont want to do the homework or study then why should i do it,i told her if i do the work its not teaching her a thing so might as well not even do it.