not excited about wedding?

Question

Please no mean comments, just honest ones

I have lived with my fiance before, and we both love each other very much. he's never done anything wrong to me, and he means the world to me. i was reading a question someone had posted earlier about how excited they were about getting married, and i started crying. I used to be that girl, but now (almost a year after we got engaged and still no definate wedding date set) i am not as excited anymore. It feels like we are already married, and everyone already knows so we don't have the excitement of telling people or talking about it anymore, and when someone ask about the wedding all we can say is, "we don't know when yet". This has nothing to do with being ready to get married or being not sure, because i know we are and i am sure, but i just want to know where the excitement went, and see if anyone else has ever felt that way?

we are aiming for June, bbuutt we have no place reserved or anything yet so we don't want tell people until we know for sure because we are thinking about postponing it even longer. And the reason it was postponed was because of my family. Long story.

we had a wedding date set before, but then a week before the wedding my step-dad said he "took back" his blessing, and my pastor wouldn't marry us without it. My step-dad has little power trips sometimes, but this was the worst one. We decided to get a different pastor to marry us (no matter who i marry or what i do, my stepdad will never approve) so now we are starting over from scratch after having the whole wedding planned out. It was so much fun the first time, but now it's just boring because it feels like a repeat. been there, done that. ya know?

Also, notice how i said i've lived with im before. We lived together, but i moved out just so that once we got married we would have something else to look forward to. We had no problems or anything, but my parents said that if i moved back into my house until i was married they would help pay for the wedding. I do not live with him now. Also, he wants to get married asap. he's actually asked me if we could just wait on the wedding and get legally married, but i think that takes some of the specialness out of the wedding.

Answer 1

Don't think there is something wrong with you or him or the relationship. Think of it like this, when you first met him and it was all 'new' you used to get all excited about seeing him everyday and so on, then after a while the excitement fades and it's just like coming home to your best friend right? Well being engaged for a year and not setting a date is kind of the same thing. After a while it just feels like the same old, same old, nothing new. My fiancee and I were together for 3 years before we got engaged and I was starting to wonder about us. I didn't get excited or anything like all of my friends were with their new boyfriends. But once we got engaged and set a date we both became very excited about bringing our lives together in marriage. If there is nothing holding you back then go ahead and set a date. Once you have a date you can really get down to business with the planning, then you'll find that spark again. Best of luck!

Answer 2

Oh, that's just cold! Your step "dad" has some nerve. No wonder you're not excited, I wouldn't be either.

But, don't let it get to you. I mean - enjoy the relationship! If you want to marry this man, then there's gotta be *something* to enjoy. The companionship and the rewards of marriage go so far beyond the wedding ceremony. Perhaps you could "scale down" the wedding, if you're getting too stressed out. Focus on your partnership, and not as much on the wedding itself.

My own experience with getting married was, I'm glad it's done and over so we can get on with our lives. We've known each other for just over a year before getting officiallly engaged, and after that we were - boom - married within 4 months. I couldn't stand a drawn-out engagement; the wedding was small and informal - but a TON of fun. I can't sat we were "excited" about it, we just wanted to do something fun and memorable - but the wedding itself was not the point, the point was in getting married. We'd lived together for over a year by the time we got married, but we found that marriage kind of took our relationship to the new level - like, we were suddenly realizing that this is "for real" or something; it was very enriching. The whole experience has been very positive for us, and the "wedding" played only a very minor part in the bigger picture.

Congrats, and I hope things work out.

Answer 3

First, what's the hold up on setting a date (even if it's a year or two from now) if you've been engaged for a year? Second, if you're only excited over the wedding, engagement, or the attention, marriage will come as a big shock to you. After the party and the presents are over is when real life sets in and most likely, it will not be very different from what you're experiencing now. Not trying to bring you down, but you need to do some deep thinking (and possibly talk to a counselor) if you're crying because you're not in the super excited phase anymore. I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Set a date. If you're that girl who likes weddings, then that's all. My lover and I live together and feel that we already are married, we just haven't done the party. In our country, common law marriages (living together) recieve the same benefits as legally married types. We'll be having a wedding one of these days, it's being planned as I type, but I'm not very excited about it at least not in that typical way. I think weddings are boring, tedious and bordering on ridiculousness and embarassment, but it's something we chose to do for our families instead of ourselves making it at least bearable if not a little bit fun as in the day not the planning. If our families didn't like weddings so much, then we probably wouldn't even bother.

Answer 5

Well, you don't really have anything concrete to be excited about. You haven't set a date, so maybe subconsciously you are afraid to be excited because it may not happen, and you don't want to be terribly disappointed.
I wasn't excited about my wedding either. It was fun choosing flowers and the dress and cake, but overall it was so stressful, hoping everything would go ok. By the time it came around, I was too tired, drained and emotional to enjoy it. If I had to do it over, I'd have a private ceremony at some far away location, with only my family and best friend present, then plan an informal, fun reception for a later date.
At any rate, when you know for sure your wedding is going to happen, you'll allow yourself to feel more excitement. And if you don't, then you may need to think things over. I wish you luck! :)

Answer 6

You would still be excited if you weren't living together because you would have that to look forward to. But as you said, it's as though you're already married, so where's the excitement in that?
At least you know what married life is going to be like. The excitement goes away & in its place you grow a deep & abiding love.

But during a marriage you have the opportunity to fall in love over & over & over again. And that's what's needed here. You need to fall in love again. All relationships take work; the two of you need to find the formula that will work for you.
And when you find that excitement, get married. Make it legal & forever. Whether it's at the courthouse, Mom's back yard or a full blown affair.

Answer 7

Wow, stress has taken your excitement from the sound of things. Tell that fiance of yours you are ready to get married. As for that step dad of yours... tell him where to go. This is your life honey and you are the one that has to make the decisions.
If you are ready and your fiance is ready... and you are afraid of another power trip from good ole step dad... elope. There are many beautiful wedding chapels in the US that do wonderful Christian ceremonies. That is what my husband and I did. Well sort of, except 2 weeks before our wedding we gave our parents a map, their cabin reservations, directions to our chapel, and the time and date to show up. At that point, it was show up or be left out.
My father is not in my life...and I have a not so wonderful step father too. He was fine with me getting out of the house... but didn't want my mom having any part of the wedding. He even refused to wear a tux... that was paid for (and every other man present had one on). I even walked myself down the aisle. That was the best decision we made. Don't let others take that happiness from you. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 8

there is a popular proverb that says "where there is no vision, the people perish" . Why I wrote that is, when you have no definite goal ( of a set date) your emotions kind of wander around aimlessly until there is a clear set goal to work towards. When there is a goal comes all the work & excitement towards going there. Besides,it has been shown that people who co-habitate vs non-habitaters face different odds when going into marital union. Those who haven't have all the excitement/curiosity of making life together & such. Point is..your excitement level will go up when you are facing actually planning the wedding. Are you maybe feeling dissatisfied( even subconsciously) with not having a definite date?

Answer 9

the reason your not very excited is because you already have some of the luxury of a married couple. you live together which in my opinion is a married activity. however once the day gets closer you will get very excited. I wont get excited for things until like a week before they are going to happen. Congratulations

Answer 10

Well, I think you should "listen" to this big red flag waving in front of you. You've been in a situation, by living with him, that he may have no need or want to get married, and is just placating you. If he wanted to be committed, he would set a date and be persuing marrying you. I feel sad for you, because part of my excitement about being engaged was looking forward to the wedding, and me living with my husband after we would be married! It would be exciting and new, and it was!