I'm a man with a colostomy who wants to date other gay men, but how can I find anyone to love me?

Question

I'm 43 yr old gay male, and was diagnosed with anal cancer last year. As a result from surgery, my anus was removed, closed shut, and I now have a permanent colostomy. I'm handsome and I used to be able to meet guys quite regularly, but now that I have a colostomy bag, no one is interested in me sexually or even for dating anymore. On some recent first-time-meeting dates I've decided not to tell the new man about my colostomy. My strategy was for us to get better acquainted first. Unfortunately, (and this usually happens on dinner dates) my stoma lets out a loud gassy, passing wind-sound (pardon my blunt wording...but "fart" sound). Well, needless to say, the man will then make a terrified look, as he tries to imagine how a sound like that came from my front belly! I was even on a date where I once had a "bag blow-out" on the dance floor (those with colostomies will know the term very well). I'm happy to be alive, but I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. Any advice?

Answer 1

Be the colostomist with the mostist!

Answer 2

Ostomy Dating

Answer 3

My good man.....your initial strategy sounded good....avoid the discussion until you know your partner better. Since your body betrays you you need a whole new approach.

You could keep the initial dates out-of-doors, open-air malls and cafes and such.

You might try selective advertising on the internet....looking for the caregiver or medical professional type. What you really need is a partner with some maturity. Maybe if you looked for someone in an older age bracket....it could make a big difference.

Best of luck to you!

CF

Answer 4

You should win something for having the most difficult question on Yahoo. I would say, that you need to be patient and quiet (pardon the pun) and you will find someone who accepts you the way you are. Lucky for you, you will know this person loves you for yourself. Be silent about your condition until 4 maybe 5 dates. You'll know when it's really time to share such personal information with someone. If your belly makes noise, just grab your belly, laugh and say something like, "I have a stomach condition." Then act like it's nothing.

Answer 5

I guess it probably sounds cliche, but have you looked into support groups? Not necessarily to meet someone, but to get advice? It makes me sad to hear you are having such a hard time. Maybe talk to your doctor about possible ways to reduce some of the "side affects" of your condition. I am sure you have thought of all those things and probably even looked into some. But hang in there. There are a lot of people out there who love unconditionally. I've seen it. Someone who is terminally ill and they find love. Someone with a deformity and they find love. You will find it too. I wish you much luck.

Answer 6

I also have a colostomy and find it hard to date other men.

Answer 7

Just tell potential new partners you are not in a real relationship but can't wait to get rid of the old bag.

Answer 8

Don't give up hope, man! Be persistent, and someone will come around! I say wait for 'the one' for about a year for results. There are other people that are more interested in you than sex. You'll find him.

Answer 9

when you say sexually how are you going to accomplish this? try taking some beano before going out to dinner. try not to dance to fast. do you carry an extra bag with you? i really and truly hope you can find someone that understand your condition.

Answer 10

damm really dont kno what to tell ya,except stop looking 4 love,and stop wondering how your gunna tell sum1 once you meet them,if you just stop and be you dont worry about what they will think if you tell them,one day you will meet sum1 who has a problem and never kno you might just hit it off! good luck!