4 yr old stepdaughter that hate me What do i do?

Question

my husbunds daughter hate me i havent ever been mean or done anything to her. Iam always buying her new stuff i spoil her. I do more for her than her mom does. i dont understand why she is so mean to me she has even spit in my face what do i do???

MY HUSBAND HAS TALKED WITH HER MANY TIMES WE BOTH HAVE SO HAS HER GRANDMA AND AUNT

Answer 1

tell ur hubby to get that child in check first of all, its not your place to disipline her but it is his place to not let her disrespect you, especially at 4 yrs old. sounds like the mom is trying to convince her to hate you and that just goes to show how little that mom must care about her own child, you dont bring kids into probs you have with your ex and such so if she is doing that then shes going to destroy that child

Answer 2

I understand you are just trying to make a good impression on your step daughter but first off I would like to tell you to STOP spoiling the kid.. you can not "buy her love". What you need right now is her friendship which looks like it is going to be hard to come by. But spoiling her and buying her all that she wants isnt helping one bit. It looks like she is having a hard time with her mom and dad not together anymore. Maybe you should try chatting with her you'd be surprised that 4 years old children really do understand. Mention to her that you are not trying to take her mother's place and that you just want to be her friend. Give her time and space to herself and when she is ready she will come around. "Gradually" take her to the park just you & her to gain a relationship of some sort, take her for ice cream, or places with not a lot of people where you two can bond and get to know eachother. Take it a day at a time. Now I am going to be honest it could really be a while before she gets use to you. But give her time and let her know that you do Understand her position. Tell her whenever she is ready to talk with you one on one you will be there. Try not to give her so much attention. Let her know you are there but dont kiss her a$$ basically. Then she will come around and respect you more. But you can start by giving her some space and not spoiling her. Also let's hope that the mother isnt telling her daughter negative feedback about you becuz that could also be a MAJOR issue with her relationship with you. Major issue look into that and prove the biological mother wrong again not by spoiling the little girl but by being her friend first. Hope this helped.... good luck!
P.S. Oh and never talk down to her about her mom~ you'll never get thru to her that way!

Answer 3

It is not your fault, if my Dad had a new Wife when I was four I would of probably spit on her face and something else too. I don't think it has anything to do with you, at that age kids don't understand why Mom and Dad aren't together so just be patient, In my opinion you should stop buying her new things and spoiling her, it is a natural thing to do because you want her to like but try to make sure she likes you for who you are and not for what you buy for her try to do more meaningful thinks like letting her know that she still is Daddy's little girl, going on a walk just the two of you, going to eat and talk about things you both like, you need to tell your husband to talk to her and try to find out if her Mother is probably putting things in her head, remember that we girls can be very catty and probably his ex is jealous or something, and be the best person you can be to that little girl remember that she was in your husbands life before you came in to the picture so be smart and respect their time together,you don't always have to be in the middle. The fact that you are open to suggestions shows that you care, good luck with everything.

Answer 4

I'm sure your step daughter doesn't like you because with you in the picture her parents are not together.

I've been there .. just stay out of disciplining her (I know you don't right now), be friendly with her, but don't spoil her. Also having been there.. when families are split up people feel sorry for the children and instead of giving their time.. they buy things for them and spoil them.

Give the girl your time.. play with her. She'll come around though she may need some counseling if she is still so angry.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I agree w/the previous answer too. i'm also a figure and characteristic worked in "the equipment". it isn't you guyz pastime to self-discipline her for her undesirable habit at her moms abode (which may truly be very telling...). it truly is an unfortuate difficulty, notwithstanding the baby shouldn't must be constatnly reminded of it. Plan some relaxing events w/her (w/out it being a three ring circus), and in trouble-free words self-discipline her for undesirable behaviors your abode that you witness. And convinced, youthful little ones that age do favor a ruin, so do not enable her get away w/homicide, yet attempt a more suitable well-off attitude and %. your battles. attempt to make your husband the substantial communicater w/ladies' mom, no longer you. otherwise, issues can get gruesome because you're not any further the bio figure (which the mum will likely throw on your face). good success and teach her the affection she benefits. also, do not undesirable-communicate about her mommy in the front her her...which will in trouble-free words complicate issues.

Answer 6

First of all, I don't believe a 4 year old can hate somebody. How does her mother feel about you? Perhaps her mother can be putting negative thoughts into her. I think this is more of a discipline issue rather than something personal. I would just keep loving her and treating her kind. This is something her dad needs to figure out.. teaching her the correct way to treat other people. She could be acting out due to her mother and father splitting? I think best thing would be talking to your husband... maybe some counseling?

Answer 7

She's not going to like you right now because, she thinks her parents should be together. She'll one day realize how good you are to her but, for now just give her some space. Don't crowd her. You can still be kind and generous but, you don't have to buy her love. It's better if you don't. Only treat her to a gift if she does something to deserve it like doing good in school, I imagine she's probably in pre-K. Don't try to do more for her than her mom, she will resent you for it. Just treat her nice and let her dad step in when she does something like spitting on you. He needs to send her to the corner or a time out chair. Hope this helps and hope she comes around.

Answer 8

First of all, stop rewarding her with stuff if she treats you like that. You are, unwittingly, encouraging the very behaviour you are here complaining about. Furthermore, you seem to have it in your head that there is an appropriate due date for when she will like you. You are competing with her for her father's attention. Of course the child is wrong, but you can't use a child's logic against them. Quit trying so hard. She will learn to love you when it's time. In the meantime, always be there for her, she will change. Also, ask your husband to ask your daughter if mommy has been talking bad about you. She may be using daughter against you. If that is the case, trust your husband to handle it.

Answer 9

my best advise is call Dr. Laura 1800 Drl aura 12 -3 pst remember she is 4 i don't think she even knows what hate really is she is MAD YOU ARE IN THE WAY OF HER MOM. if you are in it for the long run tuff it out and stop spoiling her just love her i have 3 kids my oldest is not my natural but i adopted him after he turned 18 because he wanted it as much as i did she will understand later but you must understand now just be a good mom to her love and more love

Answer 10

Hubby needs to acknowledge that his daughter is not coping well w/ having a new step-mom. It takes a lot for a child to understand why mommy is not there anymore and even then they still want mommy. You can't replace her mom and sometimes have to step back. you also shouldn't spoil her. Buying her respect isn't going to happen. Daddy has to talk to her and let her know her behavior isn't acceptable.