How can you tell an adult in-law how to hold a fork correctly and chew with his mouth closed?
2007-01-11 15:51:07 · 21 answers · asked by mklwis 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
In the opinion of Ann Landers and Miss Manners from an article I read several years ago, YOU DON'T.
If you invite people to your home they are your guests. For you to criticize their eating habits makes you seem arrogant. Maybe they are a bit less than perfect mannered but it is not your place to criticize guests unless they are deliberately rude or obnoxious.
And, if you are at their home, well, that is THEIR home my dear fellow and they set the rules there.
I fear you must grit your teeth and bear it. There are many people in this world who were not trained in the proper etiquette of dining and we who were, must set the example and politely ignore others all the while hoping they learn from us.
You might be able to convince another family member closer to them to suggest they learn to chew with the mouth closed but even that borders on bad manners so do it only in desperation.
Ask yourself if you dislike the person in question and this is just one area where your dislike manifests itself.
2007-01-11 16:12:28 · answer #1 · answered by Harley Charley 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You probably can't unless you have children at the table as well. then you could explain that you are trying to teach your children to do things correctly, and to please close their mouth when they chew.
I had an incident or two where my daughter's former boyfriend ate like an animal at the table. Held the fork wrong, rarely slowed down eating so he could breath, shoveled food into his mouth with the first utensil he grabbed. I know that my daughter was embarassed, so after I gave her "the look" she told him to hold his fork right and to slow down. No one was going to steal the food off his plate.
By the time he would finish dinner, the area surrounding his plate had bits of food all over it.
He gave her some kind of lame excuse about why he ate like he did, and she said that maybe it was time to change and learn the proper way to eat.
Not sure that it did any good but they are no longer together for which I will be eternally grateful.
2007-01-11 15:59:33 · answer #2 · answered by David L 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Holding a fork differently can be a personal preference. Making loud chewing sounds should be muffled. Indirect comments might work ie: when talking to someone else at the table comment that you are having a hard time hearing them over the chewing sound coming from "somewhere" at the table. Over the years I have just learned to ignore it.
2007-01-11 16:01:40 · answer #3 · answered by Monita Marler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In spite of all the answers, I've had very good results asking my mom not to eat with her mouth open & make eating noises. I asked her in a nice way when it was just the two of us, she was VERY surprised she was doing it, it was some habit that'd slipped up on her and she wasn't aware of it... probably because everyone had been too polite to say something. So she watched her eating a bit more & even asked me to say something if she ever started to slip up again. It can be a bit embarrasing to be told, but you're also saving someone from (unknown) embarrasment that they may suffer when everyone's talking about their eating habits behind their back.... if everyone is 'too polite' to tell, how are they going to know???
Of course it also depends on the person, you can probably sorta tell whether they're gonna be like my mom and would like to improve if they just know they're doing it, or whether they just don't give a sh-- what the rest of the world thinks about them & eat however they like... in that last instance, I'd say do what others suggested and don't invite him anymore.
2007-01-11 23:35:58 · answer #4 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't. It will create more ill-will than it's worth. To point out their gaffe would be worse manners on your part than holding a fork incorrectly is on their part.
Continue to display your own immaculate table manners and maybe he will pick up on it. If not, and if you can't just ignore it, smile smugly behind your napkin.
2007-01-11 22:56:17 · answer #5 · answered by LX V 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't. they are already an adult and it will probably just cause problems. If it is really causing a problem, like affecting a child's manners or is prohibiting social events, have the person actually related to them talk to them in private (politely). just so it doesn't look like you are being pushy. good luck. in-laws are always a touchy subject.
2007-01-11 16:02:02 · answer #6 · answered by sarajane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Serve finger food meals only in future when they are on the guest list, if you really want to get the point home. Frankly, I think your attitude is disrespectful. Is that really your only complaint about your in-laws? You must be scraping the bottom of the barrel !
2007-01-15 03:45:54 · answer #7 · answered by Lilliana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a joke out of it at the table. You'd be surprised how quickly someone will respond to a joke being made about them. They will definitely remember at the next family gathering.
2007-01-11 16:04:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't. If the persons eating habits are that attrocious don't invite that person to your table. Otherwise just look the other way.
Can't teach an old dog new tricks.
2007-01-11 16:33:16 · answer #9 · answered by Kurius_Kitten 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps if you invited a child to the table at the same time you could correct the child and they might take the hint?
2007-01-11 15:56:33 · answer #10 · answered by Karen About Others 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋