My son's father and I have been off and on since my son was born (18 mos ago). I am hoping so hard that he will change. He has a binge drinking issue, is so irresponsible, re: he finally got his first car a couple of weeks ago, he got a $200 ticket the second week he had it and 2 days ago, 2 weeks after the ticket, he rear ended some lady while being out at 4 in the morning. His parents had given him that car. Everything is so messed up. I am moving on Saturday and the plan was that he was going to live with his parents for a little while, and I was going to be on my own with my son (with a little help from his father of course), now that this accident has happened he wants to move in with me. I was kinda looking forward to being on my own without having to worry about him for a while. I love him, but being a half time college student, a full time mom, and I work full time, I can't worry about him too. I told him he can't move in with me. Is that wrong?
2007-01-11 14:38:32 · 16 answers · asked by Momin2005 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
this guy won't change , atleast for several years , tell him he needs to go to rehab before you will let him see his baby again and go to alanon meeting yourself
2007-01-11 14:43:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, its not wrong. As long as you realize YOU yourself can't change his behavior and its HIM that has to want to really change. You did the right thing. CONGRATS FOR GOING BACK TO SCHOOL. What a wonderful thing you are doing for yourself and your child. I think its time for you to move on. He is only holding you back. You can however make sure things stay consistent with your child to let the father have contact with the child. Children crave a schedule so set that up with the ex and make sure your child benefits from that in the long run. You don't after all your hard work want your child resenting you for not letting them have contact with the father. I admire your hard work and keep it up. You can't change the man, but you can change the outcome of what you want for you and your kid. ALL THE BEST.
2007-01-11 14:49:37 · answer #2 · answered by hbuckmeister 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it's not wrong. We all have a 'core'. It's what drives us in all situations. Your bf's is to push things to the edge. When our core is challenged (tickets, accident, etc) by situations AND people telling us, and we don't wake up, then we have made a decision not to. Your bf isn't ready to grow up. He doesn't like the consequences of his on the edge lifestyle, so he feels that your love will make up for it. The more you do it, the more he'll get used to it and make it a way of life (you said it's been happening for over 2 years). Stand your ground, that's the best thing you can do for him and your relationship. Either he'll grow or find a new crutch to lean on.
best wishes to you
2007-01-11 14:58:50 · answer #3 · answered by eleven 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should give him an ultimatum, either get help for his drinking or stay away. You are not wrong and shouldn't have to worry about a grown man even if you do love him, you can do that from a distance. Tell him to get in touch with an A.A. group, they can help him change his life around for the better. I know for myself it works if you work it. I wish you the best.
2007-01-11 14:49:06 · answer #4 · answered by saturn man 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but for the moment it seems that he will not change for now. You are wasting your time thinking that you can change him. YOU cannot change him or anyone. He has to want change and take the necessary steps to change. I would suggest that you let him go and stop thinking that your love can change him - it can't. You need to begin to love yourself and not allow any man to treat you in this way. You also need to love your son enough to not have such an example like that set before him.
Remember that you cannot love someone into changing them.
They must learn to love themself and want to change.
All the Best!
2007-01-11 14:44:45 · answer #5 · answered by fancyface1 l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have your priorities straight, he needs to get his straight! I would not allow him near his son if I smelled alcohol on him and I certainly would NEVER get into a car with him.
Time for tough love.... If he admits himself into rehab, and can find a job, stay clean at LEAST six months, hold a job and be a more responsible driver, then MAYBE I'd entertain thoughts about a meaningful relationship with him.
Ask him what he has to offer you!?!?!?!?
2007-01-11 14:46:11 · answer #6 · answered by Patricia D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not wrong for you to be a responsible mother. The father of your child sounds like he has alot of growing up to do. Go on with your life and don't let him hold you back. No, he won't change.
2007-01-11 14:54:55 · answer #7 · answered by J K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should wait for him to move in after he shapes up a little bit. maybe suggest for him to take up an addictive hobby other than drinking (and hopefully less dangerous), such as exercise. also have him go to driver's ed instead of paying for the ticket that will save him money
2007-01-11 14:46:41 · answer #8 · answered by kjanderson1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey i understand, my dad was agry with me and my brother all the time, he hit us he was drunk all the time, but then my mom decided to go to church and she became a christian , my dad move out to the U.S.A to look for a job and he was alone for 2 years and he met God there, and became christian, he was sad for 2 years because he missed his family, and then when we came to the U.S the whole family notice that he has change and we are all a happy family 5 years later, his temper has change and i can't believe a person can change, but now i do, trust me maybe you need God in your hard and you'll see the miracles. !!
2007-01-11 14:46:05 · answer #9 · answered by Da 1 N only 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You have a child to think about. Let his parents deal with him. He sounds like a Grade A loser. I would definitely move on
2007-01-11 14:43:11 · answer #10 · answered by єЖтяα ¢яιѕρψ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. You are a smart person. You really answered your own question. You have to think of your child first. He is a fu*k up and grown and not your responsibility. Don't give in.
2007-01-11 14:42:40 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋