My 4yr old 2nd child still dirties herself. I can`t figure out why ?

Question

We did not have any problems with our 1st child. For some reason she will go to the toilet to urinate , however , she will not go let her stool out. We have tried the sticker method, big sis, a smaller seat, time out and even left her roaming the house in the buff. And nothing has worked. I`m out of ideas and very frustrated. We`ve thought about giving up and letting someone else take over. Does this sound like something we need to do. She obviously knows what she does is wrong and still does it. I don`t think we favor oneover the other and when one buys something the other has something in their hand. Can some one please offer some insight on what we can try?

Answer 1

All children are different and you cannot expect your second child to potty train as easily as the first.
Even after he begins to use the potty, it is normal to have accidents and for him to regress or relapse at times and refuse to use the potty. The process of being fully potty trained, with your child recognizing when he has to go to the potty, physically goes to the bathroom and pulls down his pants, urinates or has a bowel movement in the potty, and dresses himself, can take time, often up to three to six months for most children. Having accidents or occasionally refusing to use the potty is normal and not considered resistance.
Potty training resistance usually occurs because your child has had a bad experience at some point during potty training, especially if he was started before he was intellectually or psycholgoically ready. Other times, especially with strong willed or stubborn children, it may have nothing to do with your technique or timing, and you may have done nothing wrong.

Reasons for developing a resistance to potty training can include:
being scared to sit on the potty chair
flushing the toilet may have scared him from wanting to sit on the toilet
being pushed too early or fast before he was ready
severe punishment for not using the potty or being forced to sit on the potty
inconsistant training, especially among different caregivers
he may have had a painful bowel movement from being constipated. If this is the case, treat his constipation and wait until he is having regular, soft bowel movements before you begin training again.
or he may just be stubborn and is involved in a power struggle with his parents and is using his control over where he has a bowel movement
he may enjoy the negative attention he gets from not using the potty or from having accidents
although rare, there are medical conditions that can make it difficult for your child to hold in or delay urinating or having a bowel movement. Discuss with your Pediatrician if there are any medical reasons why you may be having a hard time teaching your child to use potty, especially if he seems to have other delays in his development.
At this point, if your child is totally resistant to being potty trained, then it is best to just make him responsible for when he wants to use the toilet. This includes not punishing him for mistakes and not reminding him to use the potty. If he seems fearful, you can try and discuss calmly what it is about using the potty that scares him.

While you may get a lot of negative feedback from friends or family members about not being more aggressive with getting your child potty trained, you should be firm and let them know that you are working on it and remind them that not all children potty train at the same time.

In addition, it can be helpful if you:

establish a reward or incentive for using the potty. This should include lots of praise and attention when he uses the potty. It can also include a star or reward chart on which you child can place stickers whenever he uses the potty. After a certain number of days that he has stickers, then he can get a reward, such as toy, etc.
have your child be involved in changing himself when he wets or soils himself. This can include getting a new diaper, taking the dirty diaper off, cleaning himself (although he will probably need help after bowel movements), and throwing the dirty diaper away.
At some point you can change him into regular underware. You can talk about it beforehand and maybe have a ceremony where he throws away the left over diapers or you may just decide not to buy any new ones. Now, when he does wet or soil himself, you can have him help to clean out his underware in the sink or bathtub. You may even have him put them in the washing machine and wait with you while they are getting washed and dried. He should then dress himself. This method is not for everyone, but is usually very effective. You can also have him clean up after himself if he wet or soiled the floor.
Limit him to having BMs in the bathroom. This isn't always possible, but is easy if he always asks for a diaper just to have a bowel movement. Next, have him sit on the potty to have a bowel movement, even if he continues to wear his diaper. Then work on getting his diaper off by opening it and eventually taking it off. During this process, you should give lots of praise and rewards during each step.
If he is having a hard time learning to use the potty, but isn't necessarily resistant to the idea, then developing a regular daily routine of sitting on the potty for five or ten minutes every few hours may be helpful.
Most importantly, avoid physical punishment for not using the potty, even in an older child. It can be appropriate to verbally let him know that you disapprove of his not using the potty, but this should not get to the point of yelling, shaming or nagging.

This problem is not all that unusual, and it may be attributed to either a fear of having a bowel movement in the toilet, the security of a diaper, or a coordination issue.
Things to try:
Again, being patient and backing off may be your best bet, especially if your child is on the younger side.
If ongoing for several months, now may be the time to take some parental initiative. Now may be the time to have the child go to the bathroom for bowel movements, gradually have the child sit on the potty with a diaper on, and eventually take it off to have a bowel movement. For those children who the diaper seems to lend much security, some experts even recommend cutting a hole in the diaper and allowing the child to wear the diaper on the potty, but having the BM go into the toilet.
If you notice that your child always stands to have a bowel movement, posture may be more the issue than the security of the diaper. Focus on having your child stand (or whatever transitional stance s/he needs)over the potty and then gradually go to sitting. In one particular example, a mother told me that she let her child be naked from waist down and allowed him to run back and forth to the bathroom, essentially allowing him to experiment with different stances, until he was able to have a bowel movement sitting on the potty. She found that once he was successful sitting on the potty, he was able to do it subsequently.

Answer 2

The best book every made is a book called "Everybody Poops" by Taro Gomi. It's a book that I used with my son when he was having a hard time going potty. I would recommend that you read this book to your child and leave it in the bathroom for future reference. Don't give up. It's fairly normal for some children to have a harder time than others pooping. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. If she doesn't go, no biggie. If she does, praise the hell out of her. My theory on this is that children have very little control over their environment. The things they can control at this age are eating, sleeping, and their bowels. Pooping is something that she has control over and she's going to have to decide to do it on her own and when she's ready. Good luck!

Answer 3

Okay, I'm not an expert, but maybe her insistence is because the poop thing has become a spectacle of her control. Maybe if you could think of some other arenas in which she can feel like she's in control and like your attention is trained on her in the same, intense way (but maybe something more positive)?

Look out for Freudians giving you advice. This is classic anal phase of psychosexual development material. : ) I'm sure you've talked to your pediatrician about it? If not, maybe you should. S/he may have some good suggestions so that this doesn't get out of hand and become a lasting issue.

Answer 4

I wouldn't punish her. Have you checked with her Doctor? She might not realize when she needs to go and something else could be the cause. I would keep asking her through out the day if she needs to go. If the doctor says everything is ok - I would try making her clean (rinse) her panties and pants and keep praising her and rewarding her when she does go in the toilet. Maybe you could try tokens...therefore she could save them up for something that she looks forward to...a new doll, game, etc.

Answer 5

Don't give her any negative attention when she poops her pants. Don't get mad, don't show her the potty, nothing. Just make her change her own clothes, dump the poo from the undies into the potty, clean her own bottom with baby wipes and put her own dirty clothes in the laundry. She'll get tired of it real soon and start using the toilet.

Try to figure out what time of day she usually goes and make her sit down to "try" on the toilet, too.

Answer 6

you'll believe in her skill to look after herself quicker or later. it truly is amazingly straightforward stuff. teach her to wipe from the front to diminish back continually. you do not favor her carrying germs into her vagina. She would merchandise to the flushable wipes because they sense chilly. There are toddler wipe heaters accessible, or you could also teach her to ball up the wipe in her fist to warmth it first. She would nicely be better powerful if she stands and bends ahead. teach her to proceed wiping till the tissue is sparkling.

Answer 7

You might want to get a specialist in on this one. Try feeding her lots of fruit so it doesn't hurt when she poops. My son is seven and having a similer problem. He waits because he doesn't like going to the bathroom and then he scraps his underwear. If you find a solution email me.

Answer 8

well im kinda goin thru that ma self with ma 4 yr old son but he seems to have the habbit of peeing on the bed so what i did was offered him something he loves which in my case was candy . i told him if u dunt pee on your bed 2nite i will give u this candy 2marrow n showed him it . n jack pot he didnt go . i suggest if uve tryd it all n it failed try this it might work . good luck .

Answer 9

just sit with her and talk to her about where the poopie goes