My fiance is very upset about my social life. I have a normal social life. I like being around people and get lonely without people, but then again, I do not want to be around people 24/7. I like to do normal things like go to the movies, dinner, board games, etc... He says I love the "streets" too much and that a woman that loves the streets too much does not love her home. Well, the problem is, I live by myself, so I do not want to be home alone all of the time. He also lives in another state so I cannot go out with him all of the time.
He gets mad quite a bit about the situation so I was wondering what you think is healthy in a relationship, and why he is getting so upset about me going out.
I have tried talking to him about it, he just thinks that I put my social life in front of him, but I really do not because I always try to talk to him as much as possible.
2007-01-11 11:38:15 · 18 answers · asked by souplane21 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like you are confident in yourself and enjoy life. Unfortunately, your boyfriend is a bit insecure with your confidence and would like to have more control.
good luck
2007-01-11 11:43:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As I understand it, jealousy can be a sign of insecurity. But I'm no psych major. A long distance relationship is very hard to maintain. I guess he wants you to just stay home all the time. Does he do this? There is no problem with you going out with your friends. This is something you need to talk with him about. Some guys are so jealous, that their wives can't even have friends....and even make them stay away from their own families. That is so wrong. This is something you need to settle NOW with your fiance. That wouldn't be a life at all. So have a talk with your fiance. Don't think that this will automatically fix itself. You have to be sure of this BEFORE you get married. It is better to be single and lonely, then to be married and miserable. Trust me with this. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-11 11:54:29 · answer #2 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a vibrant energetic person who just needs to socialize. I get the impression that you aren't really out all that late, but you love your friends and you like being around them. You also probably like to keep busy.
I think your fiance is a bit jealous because you are out having fun without him. Possibly because he isn't doing the same things you are. He could also feel a little lonely being so far away from you.
He is also beginning to feel a little insecure as well. Maybe you guys should visit a little more often, and let him know that he has nothing to worry about.
2007-01-11 11:46:04 · answer #3 · answered by David L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry him. Myself, I enjoy meeting and talking with new people, I don't go out pursuing relationships or friendships or anything, but it does happen. Truth is I don't hang out with anyone; if I am out I'm working trying to get by, and at my day job, I pretty much do what I want. But I'm in a nice resort town and too much of my time is spent trying to get by when I could be out having a nice time. I like spending time with her, but I could stand to do somethings on my own, or find out who I really am. On the other hand I was quite lonely before I met her so I don't complain that much. I did complain a bit, and was a bit jealous, because she actually had friends that wanted to hang out but I've realized it's better to give her that space so I can have mine, on the rare occasion that I want it.
Far as the streets are concerned, as long as you're not using the streets to your advantage he doesn't have any reason to be concerned. If he thinks you're out taking advantage of what you have to offer then you don't deserve him anyway, because he isn't ready for a long distance relationship and has trust issues. That's usually the complaints that people have when they say something of that nature. If he were there, he'd expect you to be with him all the time doing stuff, and believe me, that type of arrangement can only last but so long, particularly if you're up to the challenge of meeting new people. He needs to get out more and enjoy life himself instead of missing you all the time; the relationship would be a lot smoother if he did.
2007-01-11 11:49:38 · answer #4 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing in all of this, is you are right in being able to pursue your life on your own terms. He has no right to try to change, or otherwise influence the direction you go in your life. Ultimately it comes down to whether he fits in your life. You do sound like you do attempt to make an effort to be with him where you can, but with him living in another state, he needs to understand that there are some things that are not possible, and you cannot be there for him 24/7.
It sounds a lot like how I used to be with my fiancee, however I got over that. The only thing you become is a drone when you focus on your fiance alone. You become someone who cannot realize their own dreams, because another is trying to assert themselves in your life in a way that is unfair and not appropriate.
To love is to be able to accept someone for whom they are, and how they are, and to be understanding about everything they might do. It sounds like he might be trying to put you under his thumb in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.
Putting it simply, the only person you can ever expect to impress with your feats, and your actions is yourself. To do something for someone else without considering what benefit/harm it might bring to you, will only disappoint you in the end, and the other person may not even care about the resulting outcome of your efforts.
A healthy relationship consists of trust, and being able to communicate when the time is right, not necessarily on a whim.
I am no expert, but I have been dating someone over 4500 miles away, and have only been able to see them once every six months... so if I can handle that time, so should your fiance.
2007-01-11 11:48:46 · answer #5 · answered by lysacor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend that's in the same spot and his fiance downplays her night life. She always has to be doing something. She goes dancing, dinner drinks, etc...and does other things with single women and there are definitely situations with single guys that she should not be in.
If you truly don't want him to worry, then make him apart of your life more. Let him get to know your friends or invite him over and a few of your friends as well. This will make you accountable.
Also COMMUNICATE; the question that your asking on Yahoo to thousands of strangers, is what you should be asking to him.
Cheating occurs when one person in the relationship hides their life from the other expecting them to blindly understand and trust them.
If you truly dont' want him to feel bad then do this to make yourself accountable. If your life is separate from him and he doesnt' know your friends, I'd feel the same way. Again, allow him to casually know your friends and it should be fine. NO guy wants to marry a woman who is always out or having to do something with someone. If you want to be single be single but dont' have your cake and eat it too.
2007-01-11 11:46:33 · answer #6 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds insecure, and as if he might be worried about you meeting someone new. You sound like a young person with no real family obligations, I would suggest enjoying your free time because marriage can bring with it time constraints of children, in-laws, extended families that will leave you little or no time for frolicking as you are used to doing. I would also suggest some serious conversations about what he might expect from you as a wife and/or mother. Will he expect you to give up your single friends, male friends, avoid going to clubs etc? You need to know beforehand whether you can live with his expectations or will they be a constant source of frustration and bickering. Good Luck.
2007-01-11 11:47:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants a housewife...somene who stays at home and takes care of things. He's also probably concerned that if you go out, you might stray from him, especially since you're far away, and he wouldn't know about it.
"the streets" sonuds dangerous, and either he's saying that to scare you, or scared himself.
He may also be "training" you to stay home, because that's what he will want you to do.
It sounds like a recepie for failure, unfortunately.
2007-01-11 11:44:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him out with you. Suprise him with a date and spend the whole day with him. Show him that he can have fun outside the door of his house. Spend the entire day outdoors. Walk around and talk. Go to a movie. Have your picture taken. Get copies and spilt them equally. Laugh and joke together. If that all doesnt work. i dont know what will
2007-01-11 11:42:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm happy i'm no longer the only one. LOL. i understand I over-examine. i will take something, it does not must be relationship correct in any respect, and turn it over an excellent sort of circumstances in my head that it takes on an excellent sort of "skill" meanings or effects. I stress myself loopy. i've got even began asking my pals if i'm over-questioning something till now I respond to human beings. whilst they tell i'm, I returned off from the reaction that i replaced into going to furnish (whether my head tells me i'm precise and my pals are incorrect-lol). i assume some human beings can no longer help ourselves. We must be mis-under pressure out
2016-10-07 00:42:09 · answer #10 · answered by hobin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋